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Travel advice for coastal liberals.
Iconoclast
Member Posts: 10,515 ✭✭✭
Friend sent me this from another site. Found it quite amusing.
=======================================================
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
Easterners and Californians cross states such as Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, and Wisconsin, the Midwest Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter each Midwestern state:
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator.
I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it
out of my way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
five years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our
women will get you whipped . . . by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at that time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "vegetarian special' on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's
Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with
two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
wet, and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combine
that we only use two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's
yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and turtle, too. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways and
Interstate 35 goes the other two ways. Take your pick.
17. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the
church.
18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
called being friendly. Understand the concept?
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazards. It spooks the fish.
20. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you
over for driving like an idiot...his name is 'Sir'...no matter
how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home!
=======================================================
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
Easterners and Californians cross states such as Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, and Wisconsin, the Midwest Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter each Midwestern state:
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator.
I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it
out of my way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
five years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our
women will get you whipped . . . by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at that time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9. No, there's no "vegetarian special' on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's
Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
10. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with
two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
wet, and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combine
that we only use two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's
yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and turtle, too. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways and
Interstate 35 goes the other two ways. Take your pick.
17. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the
church.
18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
called being friendly. Understand the concept?
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazards. It spooks the fish.
20. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you
over for driving like an idiot...his name is 'Sir'...no matter
how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home!
Comments
If you will blame gun makers for every shooting then blame car maker for every car accident.
AlleninAlaska
He who dares not offend cannot be honest.
-- Thomas Paine
I rush in where others flee.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
The Almighty Himself Entrusted the Future of All Living Creatures to a Wooden Boat.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -"Audemus jura nostra defendere"
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
One (like totally clueless) left-coast guy got like totally bent out of shape.
Couldn't understand why we couldn't rent the combine since we only need it for two weeks.
When I was too young to drive a tractor my dad had 4 college boys working for him in the summers. One time they went to running the tractors 24 hours a day, noon to midnight shifts. The only local cafe didn't serve lunch until 10, so when the two drivers came in for their mid-day meal at 8 am they had a serious breakfast.
One day a traveling salesman was finishing his coffee and toast breakfast when they came in and ordered. He had a second cup just so he could watch and see if they ate it all.
Wild Turkey"if your only tool is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail"