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DALLAS DRIVING RULES
dheffley
Member Posts: 25,000 ✭
After living in and driving around Dallas for years, I have come to believe the following observations have become the rule.
A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real Texas driver never uses them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow".
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you
have of getting hit.
Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive body work.
Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your ABS kick in giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.
The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Texas look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the police car parked in the median.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Texas driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush hour traffic in any major Texas city.
Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.
Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.
Learn to swerve abruptly. Texas is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the DOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers reflexes and keeps them on their toes.
It is traditional in Texas to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are Gods way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junk yards and new vehicle sales.
Remember that the goal of every Texas driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
Real Texas women drivers can apply eye makeup and talk on the cell phone at seventy-five miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
I also think these rules apply in cities other than Dallas. What do you think?
Save, research, then buy the best.Join the NRA, NOW!Teach them young, teach them safe, teach them forever, but most of all, teach them to VOTE!
A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
Turn signals are clues as to your next move. A real Texas driver never uses them.
Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow".
The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you
have of getting hit.
Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive body work.
Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your ABS kick in giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the traffic begins to back up.
The new electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Texas look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the police car parked in the median.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Texas driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush hour traffic in any major Texas city.
Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire.
Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape, keeps the existing litter from getting lonely and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.
Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially pickup truck drivers with stickers of Calvin peeing on a Ford, Dodge or Chevy logo.
Learn to swerve abruptly. Texas is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the DOT, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers reflexes and keeps them on their toes.
It is traditional in Texas to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.
Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are Gods way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junk yards and new vehicle sales.
Remember that the goal of every Texas driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
Real Texas women drivers can apply eye makeup and talk on the cell phone at seventy-five miles per hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
I also think these rules apply in cities other than Dallas. What do you think?
Save, research, then buy the best.Join the NRA, NOW!Teach them young, teach them safe, teach them forever, but most of all, teach them to VOTE!
Comments
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." -Plato
~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets
Margaret Thatcher
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
Mark Twain
GO RED WINGS!!
NJ gives the driving license test in 11 languages and all road signs are only in English.
Most car insurance companies have pulled out of NJ. In fact, I got a letter from my insurance company last week informing me that I am falling behind in accidents. Seems I was only involved in three accidents in the past year. They said I would be dropped unless I hit more people this year.
-Charlie
"It's the stuff dreams are made of Angel"NRA Certified Firearms InstructorMember: GOA, RKBA, NJSPBA, NJ area rep for the 2ndAMPD. njretcop@copmail.com
DarkStar11"Now is the test of the boomerangtossed in the night of redeeming"
The fast lane of the freeways are in fact reserved for little 90 year old ladies driving Crown Victorias at 40 MPH
Signs which inform you that "such and such exit" is 2 miles ahead are really meaningless, because everyone knows you're supposed to drive in the far left lane until the exit is 100 feet ahead of you, then cut across 3 more lanes of traffic as fast as you can to take the exit you want
50% of the drivers speak no english, have no drivers license and no insurance, yet somehow the registration and inspection stickers are always current
The good news is that the sun will continue to burn for another 5 billion years....the bad news is that they will have to finish US183 in the dark