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Humor
HAIRY
Member Posts: 23,606
Two Birds, One Stone
Libya wants a new Muslim leader. I say give them ours.
Solves 2 problems.
(copied from Patriot Post Humor)
Libya wants a new Muslim leader. I say give them ours.
Solves 2 problems.
(copied from Patriot Post Humor)
Comments
I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS!
Islamic Groups Call for End to Riots
Muslim Riots Continue
The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5,000.00.
The Consul told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00.
George thinks for sometime and answers, "I don't care how
much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to
do."
The Consul says "You must have loved your Mother-in-law very
much considering the difference in price."
"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case
many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in
Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead!
I just can't take that chance!
It's not what you know that gets you in trouble, it's what you know that just ain't so!
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap
in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front
of an old green John Deere.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides
off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then
hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his
overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his
stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from
his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya
doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an
obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom
d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to
a tractor."
Don't make me come splain this to you!
A: Because he doesn't.
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life,
between the legs of me wife !"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner.
The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at The pub
with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been
in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come,
and the other time he fell asleep".
You know you're going to send this on. . .
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, sir." The President replies: "These are not just pigs, these are authentic Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Ted Kennedy, and I got one for Senator John Kerry."
The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Nice trade, sir."
The plane takes off, levels off, and the stewardess begins serving drinks, etc. After a couple of drinks, the guy gets his nerve up enough to start a conversation with the knock-out.
The man asks her name and what she'll be doing in Las Vegas. She says she's going to be the key-note speaker at a seminar. He asks what the seminar is about and she answers "sexual myths in America". The guy's about to lose his composure as his mind starts to run wild.
He asks her what's the most prevalent sexual myth in America and she answers that it's the myth that about guys "size" and sexual prowess. He asks her to explain and she anwers, "Well, most people think that black men are the best well-endowed lovers, but that's false. Actually, Jewish guys are generally larger and better lovers than black guys, but, the most surprising fact is that native Americans, Indians, are the most generously endowed and best lovers of all the different races."
The guy's about to die now.
She leans over, and asks him name.
He responds, "My name's Tyrone. Tyrone Goldstein. But my friends call me Tonto."
I took the liberty of copying it for a couple of friends.
Regards
Peter E Jeppesen
Greenland.
Just owns a silenced 22LR Anshutz =o) .308Win Steyr Mannlicher - Scout
That's all I need, but not all I want.
Don't do anything I've allready done - That'd just be plain stoooopid. =o)