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Let's All Move to Kansas City (joke)
idsman75
Member Posts: 13,398 ✭✭✭
> May 30th: Just moved to Kansas City. Now this is a city that
knows how to
> live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a
place!
> Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was
beautiful.
> I've finally found my home. I love it here.
> June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem.
Live in
> An air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a
pleasure to
> See the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun
worshipper.
> June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots Of
> cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for
me.
> Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
> July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do
people
> get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy
though. But
> getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I
expected.
> July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 2nd degree burns over
60% of My body.) Missed 2 days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned
my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
> July 20th: I missed Jerry (our cat) sneaking into the car when I
left This
> morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Jerry had
swollen Up
> to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the $2,000
leather
> upholstery. I told the kids that he ran away. The car now smells
like
> Kibbles and *. No more pets in this heat.
> July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow
dryer!!
> And it's hot as hell. The home air- conditioner is on the fritz
and the
> AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed
to order
> parts.
> July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
$1,500 in
> damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever
come here?
> August 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner
fixed today.
> It cost $500 and gets the temperature down a little, but this
freaking
> humidity makes the house feel like it's about 90. Stupid
repairman pissed
> in my pool. I hate this stupid city.
> August 8th: If another wise *ss cracks, "Hot enough for you
today?" I'm
> going to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to
work the
> radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell
like a
> dead cat!!
> August 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts,
and sat on
> the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my * was on
fire. I
> lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and
@ss.
> Now my car smells like burnt @$$ and fried cat.
> August 10th: The weather report might as well be a d*mn
recording. Hot and
> sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do sh*t for 2 damn
months and
> the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it
ever
> rain in this barren d*mn desert?? Water rationing will be next,
so $1700
> worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the d*mn pool.
Even the
> cactus can't live in this heat.
> August 14th: Welcome to H*LL!!! Temperature got to 113 today.
Forgot to
> crack the window and blew the d*mn windshield out of the car. The
installer
> came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had
to spend
> the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
knows how to
> live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a
place!
> Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was
beautiful.
> I've finally found my home. I love it here.
> June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem.
Live in
> An air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a
pleasure to
> See the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun
worshipper.
> June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots Of
> cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for
me.
> Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
> July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do
people
> get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy
though. But
> getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I
expected.
> July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 2nd degree burns over
60% of My body.) Missed 2 days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned
my lesson
though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
> July 20th: I missed Jerry (our cat) sneaking into the car when I
left This
> morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Jerry had
swollen Up
> to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the $2,000
leather
> upholstery. I told the kids that he ran away. The car now smells
like
> Kibbles and *. No more pets in this heat.
> July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow
dryer!!
> And it's hot as hell. The home air- conditioner is on the fritz
and the
> AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed
to order
> parts.
> July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
$1,500 in
> damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever
come here?
> August 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner
fixed today.
> It cost $500 and gets the temperature down a little, but this
freaking
> humidity makes the house feel like it's about 90. Stupid
repairman pissed
> in my pool. I hate this stupid city.
> August 8th: If another wise *ss cracks, "Hot enough for you
today?" I'm
> going to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to
work the
> radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell
like a
> dead cat!!
> August 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts,
and sat on
> the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my * was on
fire. I
> lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and
@ss.
> Now my car smells like burnt @$$ and fried cat.
> August 10th: The weather report might as well be a d*mn
recording. Hot and
> sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do sh*t for 2 damn
months and
> the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it
ever
> rain in this barren d*mn desert?? Water rationing will be next,
so $1700
> worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the d*mn pool.
Even the
> cactus can't live in this heat.
> August 14th: Welcome to H*LL!!! Temperature got to 113 today.
Forgot to
> crack the window and blew the d*mn windshield out of the car. The
installer
> came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had
to spend
> the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
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