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" HOW TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAP "
lurker
Member Posts: 414 ✭✭✭
Virtually anyone can be a Democrap.
But if you want to be a GOOD Democrap, there are some prerequisites.
Consider the list below to see how you rate:
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal
funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th
graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding
Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected
by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more
affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on
demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but
loony activists from Seattle do.
10 . You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start
wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret * and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't.
16. You have to believe Hillary is really female.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in
charge.
18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in
jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected
and The Ten Commandments should be banned from schools.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the
Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
But if you want to be a GOOD Democrap, there are some prerequisites.
Consider the list below to see how you rate:
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal
funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th
graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding
Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected
by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more
affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on
demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but
loony activists from Seattle do.
10 . You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start
wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret * and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't.
16. You have to believe Hillary is really female.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in
charge.
18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in
jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected
and The Ten Commandments should be banned from schools.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the
Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
Comments
Vet
"The Bill of NO Rights
The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA.
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal, bed wetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
Note: This work of humor represents the opinions of the author, which may differ from those of the Capitalism.com website. This material was made available courtesy of Thomas Bearheart."
JIM FRICK
But if you want to be a GOOD Democrap, there are some prerequisites.
Consider the list below to see how you rate:
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal
funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th
graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law-abiding
Americans, are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Chinese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected
by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more
affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being
homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on
demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but
loony activists from Seattle do.
10 . You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start
wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it
supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too
high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret * and Gloria Steinem are
more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't.
16. You have to believe Hillary is really female.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in
charge.
18. You have to believe Republicans telling the truth belong in
jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag,
transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected
and The Ten Commandments should be banned from schools.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic party funding by the
Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
Wow. I'm about 1/2 and 1/2 here. 1 thru 4, no way. 5 the jury is still out on. 6 and 7, I'm ok with, freedom is freedom, after all. 8, Businesses create both prosperity AND oppression, but a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has the capacity to secure freedom. 9, 10, 11, no way. 12, I support both the NRA and the ACLU. In fact, if the ACLU did its job, the NRA wouldn't have to. 13 is an "it depends"... We tax the lower and middle classes too much, but the rich not near enough. 14, *, about the same as Edison. Not in the same league, tho, as Lee and Jefferson. And Steinem is right out. 15 no. 16 yes. 17 actually, where it has been tried, it did work. Russia was never Socialist, that was just PR. 18, I'm not sure which Republican are referred to, but lying Presidents are nothing new. As for sex naughtiness, Bill just got caught, that's all. 19, yup. Last I checked, the Constitution banned establishment of religion, and allowed peaceable assembly. 20, it's not. But niether was Halliburton, Silverado, or Enron.