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Dear Abby

ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
edited November 2007 in General Discussion
Dear Abby,

My husband is not happy with my mood swings. The
other day, he bought me a mood ring so he would be
able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood
it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a
big frickin red mark on his forehead. Maybe next
time he'll buy me a diamond.[B)][:0]

Sincerely,
bichhin in Wisconsin


pawink.gif

Rixford.gif

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken
fan belt and a leaky tire.




To Ride, shoot straight,and speak the truth
This was the Ancient law of Youth
Old times are past, old times are done:
But the Law runs true, O little son!

Comments

  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby,

    I recently read your column advising grandparents to practice "tough love" on misbehaving grandchildren whose own parents let them run wild. I have followed your advice, and enclose a picture demonstrating my technique when my grandson just won't behave while I'm baby sitting for his parents. They have told me NOT to spank him, so I just take him for a ride, and he usually calms down afterward.

    Sign me,

    Tough Love Grandma














    GrandmasRevenge.jpg

    Got a new gun for my ex-wife.....pretty good trade, huh?
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby:

    My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from
    the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything.
    What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so
    humiliating. Also, since he lost his job three years ago he
    hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars
    cruise around and oatmeal with his pals, while I have to work
    to pay the bills.



    Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even
    pretend to like me and hints that I am a lesbian. What
    should I do? Signed, Clueless



    Dear Clueless:
    Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him
    anymore. You're a United States senator from New York. Act
    like it!
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby,
    My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one.

    All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills.


    Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian.


    What should I do?
    Signed: Clueless


    Dear Clueless:

    Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States.
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby,

    My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

    Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's on his knees 7 times a day with Muslims.

    Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy!

    Can you help?

    Signed,

    Lost



    Dear Lost,

    Suck it up and stop whining, Michelle. You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the idiot for 2 more years.

    Signed,

    Abby
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby,

    I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some time
    now that my wife has been cheating on me.

    The usual signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently
    although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

    I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive, although I can hear a car setting
    off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to
    see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

    Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she
    went out again and I decided to really check on her.

    I decided I was going to park my Harley-Davidson Dyna Wide Glide next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good
    view of the whole street when she comes home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the rocker
    boxes on my engine seem to be leaking a little oil. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?

    Thanks,
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby:

    I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a
    carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

    My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City. I have two brothers. One
    is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

    I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel. Her time there is limited as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would get them off the street, and hopefully, their heroin habits.

    All things considered, my main problem is this. I love my fiancee and look forward to bringing her into the family and I certainly want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my distant
    cousin who is French?

    Signed,
    Worried About My Reputation[8]
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby:

    As a policeman, I was very disappointed to read about the officer who leaves his duty weapon out on the kitchen table. Even if there were no children in the house, it's a dangerous thing to do.

    We are supposed to take gun safety seriously. I find it disturbing when fellow officers do not. We are taught from day one to never, ever lose control of our sidearm.

    I would strongly suggest that "Upset in Washington" talk one more time to her husband. He could lose his job over this. Or she could buy a small gun safe, and next time she finds the gun on the table, lock it up for him. Notice, I didn't say anything about giving him the combination.

    DISMAYED, in Colorado

    Dear Dismayed:

    Although I heard from more than a few readers who thought my advice to report the officer to his police chief was harsh, I think you are being too soft. Read on for a sample of the horror stories that letter generated:

    Dear Abby:

    I am a law enforcement officer in Texas. A fellow officer lost his teenage daughter to suicide. Even though his gun had been hidden in a high cupboard, away from view, she found it and, unfortunately, succeeded in terminating her young life.

    "Upset in Washington" should check to see if the police department in her city has regulations about this. Maybe she should call and speak to his supervisor and ask about the availability of gun locks for the weapon issued to her husband. This needs to be done ASAP.

    OFFICER, in Texas

    Dear Abby:

    Your advice was right on. That wife should definitely report her husband to his chief. In our city a year ago, a police officer's son got ahold of his loaded gun and shot and killed his 5-year-old sister. Kids just don't realize the danger, so parents have to.

    SHARON, in Vancouver, Wash.

    Dear Abby:

    I lost my son three years ago under these very circumstances. My sister, a police officer, failed to secure her weapon. "Upset" should personally hand-deliver her husband's gun to the police chief the next time it is lying around.

    MISSING OUR SON, in Milwaukee
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    My husband is a rotten liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the very beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything.

    What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job three years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and play with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints to everyone that I >am a lesbian. What should I do?

    Signed, Clueless


    Dear Clueless:

    Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore --


    You're a United States Senator from New York now.
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby,

    My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge
    credit-card bills, and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he
    shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum...let
    our kids worry about the rest, but we can hardly keep up with the interest.
    Also, he has been so arrogant, and abusive toward our neighbors that most of
    them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has
    been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. He has
    also gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics, the next with
    people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.
    Finally, he's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him,
    they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

    Signed, Lost





    Dear Lost,

    Suck it up, and stop whining, Michelle. You're getting to live in the
    White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything.
    You can divorce the jerk anytime. The rest of us are stuck with him for 3
    more years.


    Abby
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby
    My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
    beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse,
    everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also,since he
    lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he
    does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and B.S. With his buddies while
    I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he
    doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What
    should I do?

    Signed: Clueless



    Dear Clueless,
    Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him
    >anymore! You're a United States Senator from New York running for President of the United States. Act like one
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby,

    I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed
    as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth. One of my
    sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.

    My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and
    selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two
    sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.

    I have two brothers; one is currently serving a non-parole life
    sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other
    brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with
    his three children.

    I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives
    in Longview. She is a part time 'working girl'.

    All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fianc? and look
    forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

    Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Hillary Clinton for
    President?

    Signed,

    Worried About My Reputation
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby,

    I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice
    on what could be a crucial decision. I've suspected for some
    time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual
    signs... Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My
    wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although
    when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from
    work, you don't know them." I always stay awake to look out for
    her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive,
    although I can hear a car setting off, as if she has gotten out
    of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi? I
    once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and
    she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her
    phone again and why was I checking up on her. Anyway, I have
    never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I
    just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out
    again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was
    going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and
    then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole
    street when she comes home. It was at that moment, crouching
    behind my Harley, that I noticed that the rocker boxes on my
    engine seem to be leaking a little oil.

    Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to
    the dealer?

    Thanks,

    HarleyMan
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from
    the beginning, and when I confront him he denies everything.
    What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
    Also since he lost his job two years ago he hasn't even
    looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living
    room in his underwear and watch TV, while I work to pay the
    bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't
    even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian.
    What should I do?
    Signed,
    Clueless


    Dear Clueless:
    Dump him. Since you became a New York senator you
    don't need him anymore.


    [:)][:D][8D][:I][:o)][;)][}:)][:p][B)][8]











    ATF
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby,

    My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and lets our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.
    Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he's with Muslims.. Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy! Can you help?

    Signed,

    Lost in DC

    -

    Dear Lost:

    Stop whining, Michelle. You're getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world, and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the SOB for two more years!

    Signed,

    Abb
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    My husband hasn't worked for the last 14 years. All he does is get dressed
    in the morning and hop in his fancy car to visit his cronies. I know he`s
    cheated on me many times with young girls who could be his grand daughters.



    I know because he brags about this to me. He smokes fancy cigars and
    drinks the most expensive Champagne day and night. We sleep in separate
    beds because he`s always telling me he knows I`m a lesbian and my varicose
    veins and hairy back turn him off!



    Should I clobber him with my frying pan, or should I leave him, Abby ?
    Your advice would be appreciated .....
    Mad as Hell





    Dear Mad as Hell,



    You don`t have to take that kind of treatment from any man. I suggest you
    pack your bags and move out a.s.a.p.! Don`t resort to clobbering him with
    the frying pan , and try to act like a lady!



    Remember ....... you`re running for President of the United States , so try
    acting like one !



    Abby
  • ZebraZebra Member Posts: 5,762
    edited November -1
    Dear Abby..........
    My husband is a lying cheat. He tells me he loves me, but he has
    cheated our entire marriage. He is a good provider and has many friends and supporters. They know he is a lying cheat, but they just avoid the issue.
    He is a hard worker but many of his co-workers are leery of him. Every time he gets caught, he denies it all. Then he admits that he was wrong and begs me to forgive him. This has been going on for so long, everyone in town knows he is a cheat. Just because I am a lesbian he chooses to ignore me at home.
    I don't know what to do.

    Signed, Frustrated.................


    Dear Frustrated:.................
    You should dump him. Now that you are finally a New York Senator, you don't need him anymore.


    Quod principi placuit legis habet vigorem.Semper Fidelis
  • CyclonusCyclonus Member Posts: 2,825
    edited November -1
    LMAOROTFTIH.



    Why does this sound so real lol. I seriously wouldn't be surprised if it was.
  • savage170savage170 Member Posts: 37,539 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
  • Mk 19Mk 19 Member Posts: 8,170
    edited November -1
    [:D][:p][:D][:p]
  • LOKO383LOKO383 Member Posts: 7,503 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    LMAO..BEST ONE I HEARD ALL DAY..THX..Loko
  • needmygunsneedmyguns Member Posts: 2,264 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    [:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]
  • Horse Plains DrifterHorse Plains Drifter Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 40,165 ***** Forums Admin
    edited November -1
    [:D][:D][:D][:D]

    I thought it was gonna end "But my other brother drives a Chevy"[}:)][}:)]
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