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Bloopers
nunn
Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,085 ******
Sports Bloopers:Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother." Murray Walker: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." Greg Norman: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." Alan Minter: "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." Terry Venables: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again" Ron Atkinson: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it - you can see it all over their faces." Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew." Metro Radio: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field." David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: "There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class." US TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie [Arnold Palmer] is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them, oh my God, what have I just said?" Church Bloopers:Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actuallyappeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service:Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy."Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell," to someone who doesn't care much about you.Don't let worry kill you off-let the Church help.Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M. Prayer and medication to follow.The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord!
Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord!
Comments
If you can't fix it with a hammer, take it to a mechanic. will270win@aol.com ~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~
That sounds like George Bush![:p]
this one got a laugh out of me.
I knew a preacher that meant to say "the firey darts of hell".
The actually said "direy farts of hell"
Kind of a moment killer there.
Same preacher also told about some preacher speaking at a national convention. In a real rousing sermon about great men of faith in the bible he ended each story with the question "How big is your God?" He finally got to Peter walking on water.
Accidently he said "How big is your peter?"
The audience laughed. Quite a bit I guess. The guy was so embarrassed he had to walk off in the middle of the sermon.