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2003 Darwin Awards for Stupidity!
ret4now
Member Posts: 96 ✭✭
Darwin Awards are out for 2003 . . .
Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again.
It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in
the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by
a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him
as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees this year in reverse order are:
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill,
and he
vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down killing both
him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the
basement of his home died of suffocation, according
to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was
wearing a pleated skirt, white
bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig.
It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was
also wearing a military gas mask
that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube
approx. 12"
long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was
inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was
the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the
circumstances of his death to his family
very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at
low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to
moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed.
They were all found dead in the wreckage with their
pants around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was
found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to
bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one
end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped, and hit the
pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
said investigators think Barcia was alone because his
car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
assembled was greater than the distance between the
trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of
death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the
rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a
future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west
Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the
building, extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After
the building had been evacuated, two technicians from
the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation
of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians
but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his
peers.
AND THE WINNER.....
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his
threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own
"balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a
bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer
and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his
buddies upped the ante by spinning
the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in
place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately
passed his threshold of pain,
collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height
of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles are in a
normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained
in the ball washer, while the other testicle was
compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer,
and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a
new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to
the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome
were asked to leave the course.
This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But
because he cannot reproduce as a result
of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
If guns kill people, pencils misspell words.
Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again.
It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in
the most extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by
a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him
as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And the nominees this year in reverse order are:
7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of
getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill,
and he
vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned his house down killing both
him and his sister.
6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the
basement of his home died of suffocation, according
to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was
wearing a pleated skirt, white
bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig.
It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was
also wearing a military gas mask
that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube
approx. 12"
long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was
inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was
the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the
circumstances of his death to his family
very awkward.
5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at
low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to
moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed.
They were all found dead in the wreckage with their
pants around their ankles.
4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was
found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to
bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one
end around one foot, anchored the other end to the
trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped, and hit the
pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman,
said investigators think Barcia was alone because his
car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
assembled was greater than the distance between the
trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of
death was "Major trauma."
3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the
rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a
future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.
2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west
Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the
building, extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After
the building had been evacuated, two technicians from
the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they
had difficulty navigating in the
dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation
of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending
pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians
but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his
peers.
AND THE WINNER.....
1. Based on a bet by the other members of his
threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own
"balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a
bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer
and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his
buddies upped the ante by spinning
the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in
place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately
passed his threshold of pain,
collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height
of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his
testicles are in a
normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link.
Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was
plucked from him forever and remained
in the ball washer, while the other testicle was
compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer,
and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a
new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to
the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome
were asked to leave the course.
This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But
because he cannot reproduce as a result
of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.
If guns kill people, pencils misspell words.
Comments
The gene pool needs chlorine.
NSDQ!
"Many free countries have lost their liberty, and ours may lose hers; but if she shall, be it my proudest plume, not that I was the last to desert; but that I never deserted her." -President Abraham Lincoln
We're men. Its our God given right to watch sports and smut" - Al Bundy
Sheeesh, one would think that the losses would be improving things. Guess one possible answer is that the "stupids" breed faster than they manage to kill themselves[}:)]
If you only have time to do two things so-so, or one thing well ... do the one thing!
Jacqueline
www.gratuitouslylongdomainname.net
"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants and the creed of slaves." -- William Pitt (1783)
May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't.
- General George Patton Jr
He Dog
Read the following line....
The gene pool needs chlorine.
I'm with pickenup[:D][:D]
Frog
GO NAVY, BEAT ARMY