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Family bail outs

jev1969jev1969 Member Posts: 2,691
edited January 2012 in General Discussion
Locustforks thread got me thinking and I didn't want to hijack her thread. Has anyone ever helped you out and put you on the right track?
When I was in my early 20's myself and a buddy did something really stupid. Without too many details lets just say one night the cops were looking for an older grey primered Pontiac hotrod. We were taking the back roads trying to get back to our town when a State Trooper went by. All thoughts of not being noticed went out the window when he slammed on the breaks and started turning around. Luckily for me I was in my early 20's. Quick reflexes and more balls than brains. Thoughts of our own mortality were still years away. I floored it and that old V-8 screamed. The first turn clinched it. A 30mph turn that I took pushing a hundred. Went through it sideways. Today I think they call it "drifting". I still think Angels were looking out for us because there is no way the tires should have held the pavement in that turn. We got away, called my uncle who owns a body shop at 1:00AM. The car spent the night in the garage and the next morning it was blue with gold stripes.
If my uncle practiced some tough love I wouldn't be coming up on 24 years of military service next month. Thanks Uncle Bill. [:)]

Comments

  • asphalt cowboyasphalt cowboy Member Posts: 8,904 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Back when I was young and dumb and full of,,,
    my dad nailed me for 76 in a 55. Pretty hefty fine for a sixteen year old. The worst part though was having to park my truck for the 60+ days it took to pay off the fine.
    Dad knew better than to bail me out of crap like that, and I learned from it.
  • HandLoadHandLoad Member Posts: 15,998
    edited November -1
    Here's the Flip side: Helped my Brother who was Nearly Homeless by taking him in, and allowind him to "Rent" space in the Basement.

    He abused My One and Only Child, My Daughter. She went from Happy, Bouncy and Joyous, leaping in my Lap, laughing and singing, etc at age Eight - to a Flat countenance, Leaves the room when anyone onscreen or in person is Kissing anyone, Never Hugged me or her Mother again, Never had close firends, Has never Had a Date, Never gone to a Dance, and more.

    Years Later, she is still the same. We live an empty Life. She sometimes calls, seldom visits, and still has never had a date. She is now 26.
  • gearheaddadgearheaddad Member Posts: 15,091 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by HandLoad
    Here's the Flip side: Helped my Brother who was Nearly Homeless by taking him in, and allowind him to "Rent" space in the Basement.

    He abused My One and Only Child, My Daughter. She went from Happy, Bouncy and Joyous, leaping in my Lap, laughing and singing, etc at age Eight - to a Flat countenance, Leaves the room when anyone onscreen or in person is Kissing anyone, Never Hugged me or her Mother again, Never had close firends, Has never Had a Date, Never gone to a Dance, and more.

    Years Later, she is still the same. We live an empty Life. She sometimes calls, seldom visits, and still has never had a date. She is now 26.

    My heart bleeds for you and your daughter. I just don't understand how someone could ever abuse a child. There has to be a special place in hell for them.
  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,085 ******
    edited November -1
    BTDT, as benefactor and as recipient. Bailouts don't work.
  • jev1969jev1969 Member Posts: 2,691
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by nunn
    BTDT, as benefactor and as recipient. Bailouts don't work.


    I'm sorry to hear that. I've been on both sides as well but have had good results.
  • asphalt cowboyasphalt cowboy Member Posts: 8,904 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by gearheaddad
    quote:Originally posted by HandLoad
    Here's the Flip side: Helped my Brother who was Nearly Homeless by taking him in, and allowind him to "Rent" space in the Basement.

    He abused My One and Only Child, My Daughter. She went from Happy, Bouncy and Joyous, leaping in my Lap, laughing and singing, etc at age Eight - to a Flat countenance, Leaves the room when anyone onscreen or in person is Kissing anyone, Never Hugged me or her Mother again, Never had close firends, Has never Had a Date, Never gone to a Dance, and more.

    Years Later, she is still the same. We live an empty Life. She sometimes calls, seldom visits, and still has never had a date. She is now 26.

    My heart bleeds for you and your daughter. I just don't understand how someone could ever abuse a child. There has to be a special place in hell for them.


    I thought beating the living poop out of my brother for being a common thief was troublesome.
    I'd probably still be in jail after what was forced on HandLoads daughter and family.
  • scrumpyjackscrumpyjack Member Posts: 5,336 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by nunn
    BTDT, as benefactor and as recipient. Bailouts don't work.


    What does dano have to do with this?[:D]
  • CyclonusCyclonus Member Posts: 2,825
    edited November -1
    My heart goes out to you. I really wish that someone would research memory loss for trauma and abuse victims noone ever recovers from things like that because the memory is still there. Now if science would find a way to delete memories at least the victims would have a chance at living a happy life.
  • MudderChuckMudderChuck Member Posts: 4,105
    edited November -1
    Both parents working, many families single parent. It is a wonder there isn't more problems.

    Part of my awakening was my age, I just grew out of being a villain. The other part was a mentor and a stranger mentor I doubt anyone could ever dream up. Guy was a young Rabbi, who was definitely intelligent, possessed a double helping of common sense, was painfully blunt and was willing to help a young man find a different path.

    He didn't try to convert me, the contrary, he encouraged me to embrace Christian ideals and try to live a better life.
    That mentor likely saved me, I was on the road to prison, likely to be a footnote in somebodies book of infamous characters.
  • Alan RushingAlan Rushing Member Posts: 8,805 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    HandLoad - Traumatizing for all ... her and you parents and what could have been and should have been and what won't be.

    Divine or not, I'll hope that there has been a tremendous if not total retribution metted out to your brother. There would be no price too high for him.

    Positive thoughts and prayers to you and yours... Words convey little if anything well in experiences such as daughter and her family.

    I do hope that she can and will manage some recovery. They say that raising a kid well takes the whole village. Recovering a person's mind, heart, and soul takes a whole lot more than that ... I know.

    I do hope that any and all help for her has been and will be sought. It would have to be through some extremely top-notch professional and clean-hearted dedicated folks.

    Sir, any other comments I could or would make are not appropriate here in the forums. Any discussion would be most appropriate elsewheres.

    Innocence lost is never, ever regained ... sometimes the body, heart, mind and soul can though ... wishing, hoping and praying. Best.
  • MudderChuckMudderChuck Member Posts: 4,105
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by HandLoad
    Here's the Flip side: Helped my Brother who was Nearly Homeless by taking him in, and allowind him to "Rent" space in the Basement.

    He abused My One and Only Child, My Daughter. She went from Happy, Bouncy and Joyous, leaping in my Lap, laughing and singing, etc at age Eight - to a Flat countenance, Leaves the room when anyone onscreen or in person is Kissing anyone, Never Hugged me or her Mother again, Never had close firends, Has never Had a Date, Never gone to a Dance, and more.

    Years Later, she is still the same. We live an empty Life. She sometimes calls, seldom visits, and still has never had a date. She is now 26.


    I've had some experience with the situation, hopefully she doesn't take the self destructive path. I don't know her or her specific situation, but what you describe sounds familiar. Isolates herself, definitely not a touchy feely type etc. Just a shot in the dark, but maybe a pet, something she can love that isn't human. It is bound to be a long process and I sure don't want to discourage you, but in my experience it takes a long time to undo the damage. Talking doesn't seem to help much, no matter what others say.
  • diver-rigdiver-rig Member Posts: 6,338 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by HandLoad
    Here's the Flip side: Helped my Brother who was Nearly Homeless by taking him in, and allowind him to "Rent" space in the Basement.

    He abused My One and Only Child, My Daughter. She went from Happy, Bouncy and Joyous, leaping in my Lap, laughing and singing, etc at age Eight - to a Flat countenance, Leaves the room when anyone onscreen or in person is Kissing anyone, Never Hugged me or her Mother again, Never had close firends, Has never Had a Date, Never gone to a Dance, and more.

    Years Later, she is still the same. We live an empty Life. She sometimes calls, seldom visits, and still has never had a date. She is now 26.


    Is your brother still alive?


    If he is, your a much better man than myself.

    That is one thing I will never "turn the other cheek" on, and would lead to my damnation, but if she was my daughter, I'd Gladly take the punishment from God.[V]
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by HandLoad
    Here's the Flip side: Helped my Brother who was Nearly Homeless by taking him in, and allowind him to "Rent" space in the Basement.

    He abused My One and Only Child, My Daughter. She went from Happy, Bouncy and Joyous, leaping in my Lap, laughing and singing, etc at age Eight - to a Flat countenance, Leaves the room when anyone onscreen or in person is Kissing anyone, Never Hugged me or her Mother again, Never had close firends, Has never Had a Date, Never gone to a Dance, and more.

    Years Later, she is still the same. We live an empty Life. She sometimes calls, seldom visits, and still has never had a date. She is now 26.


    you earned the right to put him in the ground.

    No questions asked.
  • Locust ForkLocust Fork Member Posts: 32,073 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Handload....I am SO SORRY for what you and your daughter have been going through. I cannot imagine at all what it is like or what I would do. I can only imagine that I would be in jail if anything similar had happened with my family. You are definitely stronger than I am.


    I went through the crazy early twenties like I didn't have a care in the world. I was lucky enough to have wonderful friends that weren't as "fearless" as I was to keep me out of trouble.
    LOCUST FORK CURRENT AUCTIONS: https://www.gunbroker.com/All/search?Sort=13&IncludeSellers=618902&PageSize=48 Listings added every Thursday! We do consignments, contact us at mckaygunsales@gmail.com
  • Old hickoryOld hickory Member Posts: 1,368 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Don't totally beat yourself - you tried to do good. I don't mean to sound like Ann Landers but counseling can help you and your daughter. I presume you've tried, but it's really not too late. God be with you all...
  • OakieOakie Member Posts: 40,565 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Last year I lent, and I express lent, my best friend 20 thousand dollars to keep him from losing his house. He signed a contract and took the loan for one year. He owns his own bussiness. He told me a week ago that he cant repay me a dime and has no intentions on doing so and that I should have never gave him the loan.[:(!]Iam now in the procees of putting a lean on his house and suing him in court. We still talk but our friendship is a shell of what it used to be. I learned a valuble lesson but would probably do it again. The money wont hurt me but losing my best friend is killing me.My wife says Iam just to big hearted when it comes to friends and family in money matters.
  • NOSLEEPNOSLEEP Member Posts: 4,526
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Oakie
    Last year I lent, and I express lent, my best friend 20 thousand dollars to keep him from losing his house. He signed a contract and took the loan for one year. He owns his own bussiness. He told me a week ago that he cant repay me a dime and has no intentions on doing so and that I should have never gave him the loan.[:(!]Iam now in the procees of putting a lean on his house and suing him in court. We still talk but our friendship is a shell of what it used to be. I learned a valuble lesson but would probably do it again. The money wont hurt me but losing my best friend is killing me.My wife says Iam just to big hearted when it comes to friends and family in money matters.


    Damned if you do. Damned if you don't. You roll the dice...
  • pulsarncpulsarnc Member Posts: 6,552 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    HANDLOAD, I spent almost 30 years working as a pych tech/counselor in an inpatient residential pysch unit for teens .Of the almost 4000 kids I worked with over the years at least 50 % had been sexually abused. I know from experience that they can be helped ,it is a matter of finding the RIGHT therapist for each kid . It is never too late for her to get help She may have too go thru several different therapist until she finds the one that is right for her but it can be done . My prayers are with you both .
    cry Havoc and let slip  the dogs of war..... 
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