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Because I'm a man
hawkeye6020
Member Posts: 2,517 ✭✭✭✭✭
Just in case you didn't know these things.
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I
will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very
well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man showsup, one of us will say to the
other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these
computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't
think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share equally in the housework.You just do the laundry,the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
the Male.
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others"
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I
will fiddle with a
wire long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very
well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man showsup, one of us will say to the
other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these
computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't
think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share equally in the housework.You just do the laundry,the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
the Male.
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others"
Comments
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink a couple of Cokes and break wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead (usually applies to engineers only).
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so just don't ask.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't ... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards ... then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine.. It does not make your rear look too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and Margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is after all, the year 2008, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like wandering around in the garden with a Dr. Pepper, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message to help women to better understand men.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
~ Sharon Stone
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is a spice and not a * function)
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do. [;)][;)]
volenti non fit injuria
"Keep turnin to the RIGHT"
Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
We're men. Its our God given right to watch sports and smut" - Al Bundy
He called me today from Iraq to settle a dispute with his BN CO about firearms, i.e. the Benelli makes an awesome shotgun, but when you are looking at home defense and an 18.5 inch barrel, save your money and buy a Mossberg or a Maverick. He felt vindicated in his assertion as I stated this as fact without hearing what he had told the CO.
I traveled over 200 miles to watch a New Year's Eve bowl game with my brother just so I would have someone to hang out with while enjoying cold beer and pizza.
I buy the hubbie shotguns, handguns, rifles, fishing rods, reels, and tackle for those special occasions. I have never asked if what I have on makes me look fat.
He and I have gone to Lowe's on weekend forays with me in my rattiest jeans, stained t-shirt and grease under my nails, to browse the aisles and pick up a new bar and chain for our his and her's chainsaws.
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***KATN!***
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others"
"There is nothing lower than the human race - except the French." (Mark Twain)
James
Do your troops train with live cobras? ROYAL THAI ARMY DOES!