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How to make your Wife / GF hate guns
RUGERGUNZ
Member Posts: 5,638 ✭✭
1. Insist that she goes to the range with you. Pout if she doesn't.
2. If she does go to the range with you, make sure that the first gun she ever shoots is a .357 or larger caliber. Better still if you neglect to show her how to hold it and her hand gets bloody.
3. Make sure she doesn't have comfortable or adequate hearing protection. Make fun of her if she shouts while wearing her earmuffs. Tease her that the muffs make her look like Minnie Mouse on a bad hair day.
4. Make her keep shooting after she indicates she is done. Don't take "No" for an answer.
5. When she's really, really, really done shooting, then you can start shooting. Make sure you shoot off a minimum of 300 rounds while she stares at your backside.
6. Talk condescendingly to her the whole time she is shooting. Say things like, "Wow, you really missed the target that time!" and "Well, we couldn't expect a little woman like you to hit anything anyway..."
7. When another shooter comes by, spend a long time talking esoteric "shooter talk" without introducing her or explaining what you're talking about.
8. Make sure you don't combine anything that she might think is fun with your trip to the range. Don't take her out for lunch and make sure that there's nothing for her to drink at the range if it's a hot day.
9. When you get home, clean the guns on the dining room table. Make as big a mess as possible and don't finish putting it all away. Leave some of it for her to deal with.
10. Act like she's a total moron if she says anything about guns that isn't completely accurate.
11. Buy as many guns as you want. You can use the money she would have spent on a new dress.
12. Lie about buying as many guns as you want. Great relationships are built by sneakiness and outright lies.
13. Make sure that your gun hobby uses up all possible "together" time -- and any possible family time if you have kids. Go to every match in the nearest three states and get to the range at least twice a weekend. Refuse to participate in any of her stupid hobbies.
14. Leave your gun parts and gun reading materials around the house for her friends to spot when they drop in. If any of her friends do spot your gun stuff and disapprove, jump all over them with facts, statistics, and plenty of personal insults to prove your point. Later, berate your SO for not backing you up and insulting her friend along with you, and for having such stupid friends in the first place. Make sure she's really embarrassed.
15. Deride her taste in firearms when she choses style over substance.
16. When you go out with mutual friends, dominate the conversation with "Gun Talk".
17. When you say "I love you" make it so she's not sure that your talking to her, or your .45 Compact in it's shoulder holster.
18. Start by marrying an anti. Blonde hair and large bust are worth any aggravation down the line, right?
19. Play Dirty Harry when carrying out in public. She ought to love your willingness to protect her from the world by waving a gun around.
20. Teach kids to hunt neighbors' cats when they are still toddlers. Insist that she cook the kill.
21. Talk to her about the "babe" at work who really knows how to shoot.
22. Blast off your Super Nuke .50 BMG pistol at her target while she is attempting to shoot. The closer you stand to her while you do this, the more she will love you for it.
23. Throw out all her crappy Home & Garden, Southern Home, Prevention, and Modern Woman magazines out of the bathroom and replace em with S.W.A.T and all your other fav gun magazines!
24. Install Six Shooter rigs on each side of your toilet so you can practice your fast draw skills!
25. How to get the wife back: Tell her the gun's for her.
26. Teach her how to shoot a shotgun: If she is afraid that it might kick, load a light #8 bird load into the gun and shoot it one handed. Say "See it doesn't kick so bad." Then reload the gun with a 3 inch magnum slug. Hand it back to her, and give no instruction about how to hold the gun properly as she sets it a few inches from her shoulder. This will make you look manly and tough.
27. "Shooting makes your butt look big."
28. "Your gray hair really stands out against those ridiculous looking hearing muffs."
29. "My first girlfriend was a lot better at the range, then again, she was younger and prettier too."
30. Dont bring any TP to the range, cause you know for sure that the port-o-potty ALWAYS has a few rolls.
31. Go to a range without a port-o-potty at dawn and dont leave until sundown
"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." -- Sigmund Freud, General Introduction to Psychoanalysis
2. If she does go to the range with you, make sure that the first gun she ever shoots is a .357 or larger caliber. Better still if you neglect to show her how to hold it and her hand gets bloody.
3. Make sure she doesn't have comfortable or adequate hearing protection. Make fun of her if she shouts while wearing her earmuffs. Tease her that the muffs make her look like Minnie Mouse on a bad hair day.
4. Make her keep shooting after she indicates she is done. Don't take "No" for an answer.
5. When she's really, really, really done shooting, then you can start shooting. Make sure you shoot off a minimum of 300 rounds while she stares at your backside.
6. Talk condescendingly to her the whole time she is shooting. Say things like, "Wow, you really missed the target that time!" and "Well, we couldn't expect a little woman like you to hit anything anyway..."
7. When another shooter comes by, spend a long time talking esoteric "shooter talk" without introducing her or explaining what you're talking about.
8. Make sure you don't combine anything that she might think is fun with your trip to the range. Don't take her out for lunch and make sure that there's nothing for her to drink at the range if it's a hot day.
9. When you get home, clean the guns on the dining room table. Make as big a mess as possible and don't finish putting it all away. Leave some of it for her to deal with.
10. Act like she's a total moron if she says anything about guns that isn't completely accurate.
11. Buy as many guns as you want. You can use the money she would have spent on a new dress.
12. Lie about buying as many guns as you want. Great relationships are built by sneakiness and outright lies.
13. Make sure that your gun hobby uses up all possible "together" time -- and any possible family time if you have kids. Go to every match in the nearest three states and get to the range at least twice a weekend. Refuse to participate in any of her stupid hobbies.
14. Leave your gun parts and gun reading materials around the house for her friends to spot when they drop in. If any of her friends do spot your gun stuff and disapprove, jump all over them with facts, statistics, and plenty of personal insults to prove your point. Later, berate your SO for not backing you up and insulting her friend along with you, and for having such stupid friends in the first place. Make sure she's really embarrassed.
15. Deride her taste in firearms when she choses style over substance.
16. When you go out with mutual friends, dominate the conversation with "Gun Talk".
17. When you say "I love you" make it so she's not sure that your talking to her, or your .45 Compact in it's shoulder holster.
18. Start by marrying an anti. Blonde hair and large bust are worth any aggravation down the line, right?
19. Play Dirty Harry when carrying out in public. She ought to love your willingness to protect her from the world by waving a gun around.
20. Teach kids to hunt neighbors' cats when they are still toddlers. Insist that she cook the kill.
21. Talk to her about the "babe" at work who really knows how to shoot.
22. Blast off your Super Nuke .50 BMG pistol at her target while she is attempting to shoot. The closer you stand to her while you do this, the more she will love you for it.
23. Throw out all her crappy Home & Garden, Southern Home, Prevention, and Modern Woman magazines out of the bathroom and replace em with S.W.A.T and all your other fav gun magazines!
24. Install Six Shooter rigs on each side of your toilet so you can practice your fast draw skills!
25. How to get the wife back: Tell her the gun's for her.
26. Teach her how to shoot a shotgun: If she is afraid that it might kick, load a light #8 bird load into the gun and shoot it one handed. Say "See it doesn't kick so bad." Then reload the gun with a 3 inch magnum slug. Hand it back to her, and give no instruction about how to hold the gun properly as she sets it a few inches from her shoulder. This will make you look manly and tough.
27. "Shooting makes your butt look big."
28. "Your gray hair really stands out against those ridiculous looking hearing muffs."
29. "My first girlfriend was a lot better at the range, then again, she was younger and prettier too."
30. Dont bring any TP to the range, cause you know for sure that the port-o-potty ALWAYS has a few rolls.
31. Go to a range without a port-o-potty at dawn and dont leave until sundown
"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." -- Sigmund Freud, General Introduction to Psychoanalysis
Comments
AN ARMED SOCIETY IS A POLITE SOCIETY
QB
Don't sweat the small stuff --- and it's ALL small stuff.
"A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity." -- Sigmund Freud, General Introduction to Psychoanalysis
Larry