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Thought for the day!

dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
edited February 2004 in General Discussion
Never hold your farts in.[xx(]

They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that's where you get crappy ideas from. [}:)]


How you doin'!wolf_evil_smile_md_wht.gif

Comments

  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    "Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
    - Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    Always listen to experts. They're tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it. -Robert Heinlen
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States .
    He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says,
    'Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me
    housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!'

    The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'

    The man goes on and encounters another passerby. 'Thank you for having
    such a beautiful country here in America and giving me free education
    and medical care!'

    The person says, 'I not American, I Vietnamese.'

    The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
    Shakes his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful America, my
    wonderful housing and food stamps!'

    That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East , I am not
    American!'

    He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you an American?'

    She says, 'No, I am from Africa !'

    Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Americans?'

    The lady checks her watch and says...'Probably at work.'
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    Everyone has a photographic memory. But some folks don't have film.
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
    suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
    friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    If it is not going to be written on your tombstone, it is not worth worrying about.
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    " He that doesn't know and knows that he doesn't know,
    Knows more than he who doesn't know and doesn't know that he doesn't know."
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    " If you wake up breathing, it's a good day - so make the most if it."
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    We do not inherit the earth from our parents. We borrow it from our children. -Native American proverb
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    If pro is opposite of con, then what

    is the opposite of progress?

    >>>

    >
    >
    >
    >
    >>
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >>
    >
    >>
    >
    >
    >>
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    >
    Congress!
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    Does the statement, "We've always done it like that" ring any bells?

    The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5
    inches.
    That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?

    Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates
    built the US Railroads.

    Why did the English build them like that?

    Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the
    pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

    Why did "they" use that gauge then?

    Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools
    that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

    Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?

    Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would
    break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because
    that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

    So who built those old rutted roads?

    Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England )
    for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

    And the ruts in the roads?

    Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match
    for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial
    Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

    The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived
    from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies
    live forever.

    So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's *
    came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman army
    chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war
    horses!

    Now, the twist to the story.

    When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big
    booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid
    rocket boosters, or SRBs.

    The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory at Utah . The engineers who
    designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the
    SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

    The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the
    mountains.

    The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.

    The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad
    track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

    So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's
    most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years
    ago by the width of a horse's *.

    - And -
    You thought being a HORSE'S * wasn't important!
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
  • gap1916gap1916 Member Posts: 4,977
    edited November -1
    Now here is a thought that might die of lonelyness. [8D]

    Greg
    Former
    USMC
    ANGLICO
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    dheff...
    Think you have too much time on your hands...you need a hobby...*LOL

    cute_skunk.gif


    Lil' Stinker's Opinion
  • Contender ManContender Man Member Posts: 2,110 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Must be the origin of the term "brain fart"[:D]


    bomb_line_3.gif
    If you only have time to do two things so-so, or one thing well ... do the one thing!
  • Mr.PissyPantsMr.PissyPants Member Posts: 3,575
    edited November -1
    Makes sense to me. [:D]

    f9ef9b6e.jpg

    Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
    -Benjamin Franklin
  • crosshaircrosshair Member Posts: 635 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I not sure where they go if you hold them in but it feels better just letting them fly! All Ye!!

    Believe nothing that you hear and only one half of what you see!!
  • woodsrunnerwoodsrunner Member Posts: 5,378 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    That explains alot lately!!
    Have you seen this?

    http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

    Woods

    Hamlin.gif

    rockin_lg_clr.gif
  • crosshaircrosshair Member Posts: 635 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Well, Woodsrunner that sums it all up. There shouldn't be any more questions after your post. That is the best one i have seen for a long time. One question? Where in the world did you find that. No more questions on the subject for me. I am still laughing.

    Believe nothing that you hear and only one half of what you see!!
  • He DogHe Dog Member Posts: 51,450 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I believe that is where this thread came from[}:)]

    He Dog
  • crosshaircrosshair Member Posts: 635 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Hey Hedog, What do you mean by maybe this is where this thread came from? I don't uderstand what you meant by it! Thanks!!

    Believe nothing that you hear and only one half of what you see!!
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