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On having kids...

steeltoe1978steeltoe1978 Member Posts: 3,248
edited February 2004 in General Discussion
I'm 25, not married, and have no kids. I have had it in my mind that I will never have kids. I've always just wanted a few cats, a dog, some fish, and maybe a few ducks... because well, ducks are cool [:p]. Most of the serious girlfriends I've had have felt the same way (about kids, not ducks), and with the ones that weren't such a serious relationship, the topic never came up. I don't know where to begin to start with why I don't want to have kids, but I'll do my best to try to get SOME of it down... so here goes. I tend to ramble, so bear with me. I don't see any kids outside playing anymore. When I was little, we would play kick the can or ride our bigwheels or bikes from sun up until sun down. Now it seems that kids find those activities boring compared to their realistic video games. Keep in mind that the Atari video game system was out when I was little, and every kid had one... but that didn't stop us. We didn't have cell phones or any of this other modern day crap. Now it seems like every kid has one. You can't tell how old a girl is just by looking at her. I see these young girls at the mall all dressed up like Britney Spears and it makes me sick! They're probably all of 13 years old. So if technology keeps progressing and fashion keeps getting trashier... where will it be in a few years from now? I know that it seems that this happens every generation. In the 50's rock music was considered the devil's music by many parents and fashion was still an issue, but look at what was considered "risque" song lyrics and the "risque" fashion of then and compare it with what there is now and there is no comparison in my opinion. When I went to school, we could have staplers, scissors, white out, glue, and other such items in our desk. A friend of mine's kid the other day brought home a letter stating that those items were banned from being brought to school. They had to be distributed and collected by the teacher after use. A few years from now, will pens and pencils be outlawed too? Will everything have to be typed? I just feel that this isn't the time period for me to want to bring up a kid. I'm not saying that it wouldn't be possible for me to raise a kid, I just don't think it's the right era. Anyone else feel this way? Did anyone used to feel this way but changed? I know I haven't listed to many reasons, and the reasons I listed are more like examples, but this post is getting long. The reason I wrote this is because what if I meet a wonderful woman and the only MAJOR issue we disagree on is having kids (and boy is that a MAJOR issue). Thanks for taking the time to read this. - Toe
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Comments

  • kimberkidkimberkid Member Posts: 8,858 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Toe -

    My neighbor has been retired for 2 years - he and his wife never had any childred, she died last September ... he has told me several times when we've been talking over the fence, his wife couldn't have childred, but they should have adopted.

    I'm 47 ... I have a son age 22 and 3 daughters ranging in age from 3 to 23 ... I can't imagine my life without them.

    P8050009.JPGDaughters.jpgP3220026a.jpg

    edit:
    By the way ... we have 2 cats, 2 dogs 5 fish, no ducks but I do have a grandson from my oldest daughter that I also enjoy [^]


    ===========================
    Chance favors the prepared mind [8D]

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    If you really desire something, you'll find a way ?
    ? otherwise, you'll find an excuse.
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  • steeltoe1978steeltoe1978 Member Posts: 3,248
    edited November -1
    Nice pictures! I wish you and your family the best! I do like kids... in fact I used to teach at a nature center and was in charge of groups of kids ages 3-12 (split up into age groups). That's why I want to be a teacher after I get out of the military. Maybe someday I'll change my mind about having my own, but I don't know. -Toe
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  • s.guns.gun Member Posts: 3,245
    edited November -1
    Have Five of them,and now Eight Grandchildren.I believe life would be very boring and dull without them.No regrets here.

    I didn't have money to do a lot of things I used to dream about while raising five of them,but I have known others that had no children,but they had a good time for a few years,doing many things I couldn't afford.

    Had some trying times but many Good Times. The good times much outweigh the bad.

    Now that the Childless are older and in the Slow Lane;I would not trade places with them for anything.












    1-Powder

    2-Patch

    3-Ball

    4-Remove the Rod

    5-Do Not Forget the Cap.
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  • paboogerpabooger Member Posts: 13,953
    edited November -1
    After receiving a phone call from the neighbor telling me that my kids were up on my roof in the middle of winter, and then finding out the next day that the roof is now leaking on my cedar ceiling, I would highly advise NOT having them!!!!![}:)]

    pa.gif

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    LIFES MOSTLY SCARS AND SOUVENIR'S - Max Stalling


    To Ride, shoot straight,and speak the truth
    This was the Ancient law of Youth
    Old times are past, old times are done:
    But the Law runs true, O little son!
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  • pickenuppickenup Member Posts: 22,844 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    When I first met my wife, I told her that there were two subjects that were taboo to talk about, marriage and kids. She never brought them up, I did. After a couple of years together I suggested getting married. After 4 more years of traveling around, we decided that we were going to settle down, at least for a while. I was the one that said, "If we are ever going to have kids, we better get with it, because we do not want them to still be at home when we retire." (Oops, semi-retired early, kids were still at home. The best laid plans, ya know.)

    Everyone we knew already had kids that were going to school. We knew they would have no friends their own age, out of the group of people we already knew. We did meet new people once we had them. It was kind of strange going to an elementary school function, looking around, and thinking that all the "parents" looked like kids to us. LOL

    When I was young I was looking at how the world seemed to be going down hill, and I did not want to bring another soul into this world, that had to put up with what was going on. I do not know what changed my mind, but I am glad I did. Could not imagine going through those years childless now.

    Now my oldest son is almost 24, he is kind of following in dad's shoes. Even though he has been with the same girl for over 4 years, he has NO plans to get married, at this time, and of course, NO grandchildren in our foreseeable future.


    The gene pool needs chlorine.
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  • bambihunterbambihunter Member Posts: 10,792 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I'm 32 (almost 33), my wife is 31 and we've been married for over 13 years and we have no children. We have "decided to decide" this year. Simply put, we may not actually start trying to have children this year, but we will decide for sure whether we want them and then we'll start taking steps to make that happen (she'll drop off the BC, start taking pre-natal vitamins, we'll have to use interim BC until the Depo is out of the system, etc - I'm not talkin' about "trying" in the way many of you will think).

    My point is statistically you have at least 5 more years before the statistics for birth defects and birthing problems goes up. You're in no hurry. I think too many couples get together and have kids before they really know each other. My wife and I took our time and the only thing holding us back from having kids is that we pretty much like it the way it is...
    Fanatic collector of the 10mm auto.
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  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,085 ******
    edited November -1
    There is a just and merciful God in Heaven. I know this because He didn't give me two sons like my elder. He challenges every rule and figures if he doesn't get caught, he didn't do anything wrong. He is 20 and I had to finally invite him to live elsewhere.

    The younger is a joy. Quiet and something of a loner, but he is reliable, tractable and easy to get along with. We had a little problem with curfew, unscheduled stops, and then lying to Dad, so I had to ground him for a month. I HATED doing that.



    SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
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  • kimberkidkimberkid Member Posts: 8,858 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by pickenup
    Everyone we knew already had kids that were going to school. We knew they would have no friends their own age, out of the group of people we already knew. We did meet new people once we had them. It was kind of strange going to an elementary school function, looking around, and thinking that all the "parents" looked like kids to us. LOL

    The gene pool needs chlorine.
    I know exactly what your talking about ... when I pick Abby up from daycare ... some times other kids grandparents are picking them up ... and they are my age ... [8D]

    ===========================
    Chance favors the prepared mind [8D]

    Topeka.gif
    If you really desire something, you'll find a way ?
    ? otherwise, you'll find an excuse.
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  • daddodaddo Member Posts: 3,408
    edited November -1
    Life is different today for us than it was when we were kids. I'm 49 and had a 1st kid almost 18 years ago. You think things are different now? I grew up in a totally different senerio than you, but I didn't make that my desicion on wether to have kids. If all parents did that,none of us would be around,no one would have kids. Remember the "Beetles"? Well they were called the messingers of the devil for their shouting and rock-n-roll songs. Blacks were beaten,forbidden to eat,use the toilet,go to school,church,and buy gas with the whites. If you acted differently, you could be called and charged with being a comunist and even jailed. Life was war,WWI,WWII,Korea,Vietnam. Japanese Americans were placed in camps in America during WWII just because they were from Japanese desent-THESE WERE AMERICANS! Women worked in factories to support the war, food was obtained by food stamps. No cars were made in 1940 because there was no surplus metal to build them. People turned in pots,pans and all metal to help build weapons. People were starving,out of work,ran to california to work the feilds for food and were beaten and humiliated. There was no penicillin,no small pox vacine or polio vacine. The farmers overworked the land and the "dust bowl" ran them out of the farms and into droves of hungry desperate carpetbaggers. There were no labor laws and children worked next to adults,who may work 10-12 hrs a day for 6 days a week for pennies a day. Construction workers worked without any saftey guidelines and if they didn't like it,they would be replaced by those waiting in line for the next dead mans job. There was no retirement pay,sick leave, medical insurance,or overtime pay to most.
    I haven't put all of this in order,but you get the idea.
    You think this is a bad world today? You are looking only at the wrong things people do. There are a lot of great people in this country that do good and are great Americans. I'm sorry you only see the bad, and if thats all you see, then maybe kids aren't for you, but when I see my kids, I see all the love life has to offer. I see hope and kids that will someday make a differnce,or at least try. I see my kids having kids and teaching their kids,love,hope, honesty and making a difference.
    You can hide the future behind excuses that "things are not the same", or you can add something good to the world like a bit of yourself. IMHO.[:)]
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  • redrebelredrebel Member Posts: 826 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    It was more or less up to me to carry on the family name. It wasnt that I had to, but I am glad I have one as young as I did. I say no more though, the diaper changing was barable the first time around but I wouldnt want to do it again. My son is 6 and we have lots of fun together. As a wise old man told me one time, "If you can make your kids life better than yours was, then you did a good job".


    powder_solvent.JPG

    Oh Hoppe's No. 9 you are so fine.

    I need to get me some more of those bullet propulsion devices.

    One shot, one kill, 29 more for the thrill.
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  • bigdaddyjuniorbigdaddyjunior Member Posts: 11,233
    edited November -1
    Yeah, if you get up to Flying Clay's age its not fair to the kid to have one. Who wants an old geezer for a parent? You can't play ball with them for fear of them getting hurt.
    I started having kids when I was thirty one years old. We had three in three years and decided to quit while we were out numbered. As soon as they were all out of diapers it seems , we came across a kid that needed a home so we took in that one. What's one more at the table right? We've taken in a number of kids over the years. There are plenty of them out there. In some ways it is more rewarding to take in a kid that doesn't have very good social or family skills and teach them how to get along, than it is with your natural children who have been taught from birth. I especially like to see the take in kids start to do well in school once they have a stable home to come home to and three squares a day.
    As far as the "world" being a different place that maybe doesn't meet your criteria for a suitable environment for raising kids, people have been saying that forever. The kids think it was weird in our day and don't know how we existed with network black and white tv and no video games. A lot of things are still the same though. Just go to a little league field on a friday evening and see for yourself.

    Big Daddy my heros have always been cowboys,they still are it seems
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  • dcon12dcon12 Member Posts: 32,041 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I had my kids early. My now wife had hers. I raised them more than thier dad did. When my now wife and I discussed kids of our own, adoption was the only answer. We spent money and time on an adoption agency. Went thru background checks and time. Nothing. Gave up and got dogs. Still have our kids but adoption must be for the rich. I now have two and a half grandkids and do not get to see them enough. My fault, not thiers.

    "Right is Right, even is everyone is against it, and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it"
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