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A real hypothetical question
dcon12
Member Posts: 31,956 ✭✭✭✭
If you found out that you had inoperable cancer, would you tell your family? And why? Don
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But I would try to get the most solid handle I could on how long I had left.
In the last couple of months, I would make sure some would precede me.
Former wives - are you paying attention ??
Except for Ann.
Doug
* edited for spelling
I know that you have been to funerals where the spouse never had any idea how there spouse wanted to be buried. I have taken care of several funerals in my short life and I never had one that was easy.
What would your reaction be if your spouse died, and you found out she knew. Bet you would be pissed.
Now reading the posts here its apperant that many people care about you so answer there question, are you dying?
I say the above because I am no longer married. I'm going to crawl into the woods and die alone. but I do have my affairs in order.
If you found out that you had inoperable cancer, would you tell your family? And why? Don
Depends on the family. Some of my family members would pester you to death fretting over you needlessly. Sometimes the best intentions only serve to make it "the paramount thing on everyone's mind". I'd say only tell who you had to immediately, get your affairs in order...then give the rest of them two weeks notice (at most), just like at work.
Hope you're not asking this 'for a reason'....
Yes. Dealing with grief is a long process. Allowing your family to start on that process while they can still talk with you is very important.
I agree with Elk. Wisdom dictates that you tell them so that they can begin to go through the process. Which of course would include saying and doing all those things that we wish we had after its too late.
Terminal cancer would be different. I suppose they would find out soon enough. The several trips to the doctor would become suspicious.
I have met Dr. Jack Kevorkian, he is truly a personable man, and I believe a honorable man. I know what I would do.
I would die with dignity.
Don
Maybe I am wrong but that is how I would do it
I have watched relatives suffer from cancer, past the point where they had any choice. Family members like to hold onto hope that there is a cure, and often don't do the right thing.
I have met Dr. Jack Kevorkian, he is truly a personable man, and I believe a honorable man. I know what I would do.
I would die with dignity.
Don
I watched my Grampa die of enphezema a slow slow death. Finally they doped him up with morphine. When Grandma was tired at the hospital and in pain I spoke to her alone and ask her how much pain she was in? She said alot. She said she wanted to die and didn't want anymore pain. Nurse came in and heard her. Her days were real close. Finally Grandma told the nurse she needed more morphine. Nurse loaded her up. Grandma died that night in her sleep.
If it were my wife I would want to know. I'd have to show her the same respect.
this is where I land
As for the question, I would tell them.
Bull, please email me if you would like to talk, and I'll call you - I have some degree of been there, done that, experience.
You will be in my prayers.
Doug
I had a good buddy, who had a large and loving family, whom I had not seen for twenty or thirty years, and he had inoperable cancer. He asked me if I could keep a secret, since he knew that we would never meet again in this life. Of course, I gave the man my word, and by the time the family found out about him they were not in any shape to deal with an incredibly shocking reality. Had my friend shared this news with them three to six months earlier, it would not have been nearly so shattering to his friends and family.
Thanks Doug and everyone else I will. I am still trying to get a lot done in this life and Lord willing I will. One of them is to make peace with some people and myself. Hopefully I can "listen in " on you guys for a while longer[:)] and I got to get me a 1911 to call my own. Hang in there guys I know I will...Bull[;)][8D]
My prayers and thoughts will be with you and yours, bull.
quote:Originally posted by bull300wsm
Thanks Doug and everyone else I will. I am still trying to get a lot done in this life and Lord willing I will. One of them is to make peace with some people and myself. Hopefully I can "listen in " on you guys for a while longer[:)] and I got to get me a 1911 to call my own. Hang in there guys I know I will...Bull[;)][8D]
My prayers and thoughts will be with you and yours, bull.
Same for me Bull,........I have e-mailed you as you know, but do not want to intrude.
If you want the info I offered, to talk to a person that has been through it, and is 100% 3 years later,......shoot me that mail!
My friend has talked about 6 guys through this so far.[;)]
then I would find everything I needed.
and attend a service at the west morland baptist chruch.
I have known a few to die from cancer. My Mom was one. One of my best friends also died last year from cancer.
I believe it is important to let people know you are going to die and give them the oppourtunity to do things, by word or general help, that they would not normally do if they believed you were going to be around for several more years.
If you found out that you had inoperable cancer, would you tell your family? And why? Don
That's one of those personal questions that cannot be answered generally. I would not have to tell my wife---she'd know five minutes after seeing her and being aware myself. I'm the kind of person who derives a lot of support from family and friends. I think if I had something as serious as cancer, I'd want them to know and help me cope with the uncertainty.
I pray the question was purely rhetorical.
Clouder..
Remember, "cancer" isn't one disease, its dozens of different ones with different prognoses. Small cell lung cancer can kill you in 90 days, but you can live with metastatic prostate cancer for 20+ years.
Personally, the answer would be "yes", I'd tell them, but only after I had already gotten all my affairs in order.
As a practical matter, more likely than not if the family was close with the patient, they'd find out anyway, since its likely the cancer patient would be hospitalized at some point prior to death.
I found out in the last few weeks that I have prostate cancer. I told my immediate family all but my young children (12,10&6). I think it helps me to try and deal with this.Also the news has spread somewhat throughout the family. I believe people want to help in their own way and maybe right a few wrongs. I know I need to tell a few that I am sorry for things I said or done to them and give them the chance also. Just my thoughts.....Bull
Sorry to hear it.
I wrote my last post before reading this one.
I'm sure you've heard this already, but so you know, prostate cancer is not the same thing as lung cancer. Many prostate cancers are low-grade and grow extremely slowly. In fact, most men who have prostate cancer ultimately end up dying of something else.