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Enlightenment
alledan
Member Posts: 19,541
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just bleen off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.
Comments
his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere.
Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys
as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of
being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he
found that three of them were about to give birth, and two had jumped the
fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy
bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of
whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had
hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into
hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the
broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.
Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He
opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas
tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree?
Where would you like me to stick it?"
And thus began the tradition of sticking the little angel on top of the
Christmas tree.
| | | | |
"We had joy we had fun
We had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song
Like the seasons are all gone"
Understand now, that by virtue of your gender at birth, you were born wrong, you'll die wrong, and will have been wrong all in between!
Screw Allah & Have a Great Day!
[br
5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.
Too bad I never follow this advice. Also, never make yourself indispensable. If you can do anything, you will end up doing everything (story of my life).
I definitely feel your pain. This is when it is time to go to a new shop. Just tell them "I am not certified in anything and I have no diagnostic tools". That way you get all the gravy and let some other poor S.O.B. chase down intermittent driveability problems.
Save the seals-club a liberal instead.