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The end of a friendship
edgecam
Member Posts: 3,280
I have been friends with a guy for over 20 years, He was the best man in my wedding and I in his. About 6 months ago he started drinking more then usual and running around on his wife. We sat down and had good talk and he seemed to straighten out. I found out over the weekend that he is back at it again. I tried talking with him but he didn't want to listen. I told him I am done with it and if he decides to straighten up to give me a call.
I hate to throw away a 20 year friendship but sometimes you have to grow up and move on.
I hate to throw away a 20 year friendship but sometimes you have to grow up and move on.
Comments
I have been friends with a guy for over 20 years, He was the best man in my wedding and I in his. About 6 months ago he started drinking more then usual and running around on his wife. We sat down and had good talk and he seemed to straighten out. I found out over the weekend that he is back at it again. I tried talking with him but he didn't want to listen. I told him I am done with it and if he decides to straighten up to give me a call.
I hate to throw away a 20 year friendship but sometimes you have to grow up and move on.
20 years ago, I had a friend that almost fit the same thing,and he and I were business associates...I tried talking to him,but he said it was life to do what ever he pleased with it...I stuck by him,as best as I could under the circumstances..after several years he started coming out of his mid-life crisis....and he healed his families wounds through religion and other outgoing efforts..I brought him into my hunting club and got him interested in guns and hunting...I would like to think that I had a part in his salvation...Edge,if he is truly a friend,don't give up on him because some one else has...
quote:Originally posted by edgecam
I have been friends with a guy for over 20 years, He was the best man in my wedding and I in his. About 6 months ago he started drinking more then usual and running around on his wife. We sat down and had good talk and he seemed to straighten out. I found out over the weekend that he is back at it again. I tried talking with him but he didn't want to listen. I told him I am done with it and if he decides to straighten up to give me a call.
I hate to throw away a 20 year friendship but sometimes you have to grow up and move on.
20 years ago, I had a friend that almost fit the same thing,and he and I were business associates...I tried talking to him,but he said it was life to do what ever he pleased with it...I stuck by him,as best as I could under the circumstances..after several years he started coming out of his mid-life crisis....and he healed his families wounds through religion and other outgoing efforts..I brought him into my hunting club and got him interested in guns and hunting...I would like to think that I had a part in his salvation...Edge,if he is truly a friend,don't give up on him because some one else has...
amen , needs you now more then ever. but there is olny so much you can do, short of huckllbuckin him to a tree for a week or so
quote:Originally posted by pwillie
quote:Originally posted by edgecam
I have been friends with a guy for over 20 years, He was the best man in my wedding and I in his. About 6 months ago he started drinking more then usual and running around on his wife. We sat down and had good talk and he seemed to straighten out. I found out over the weekend that he is back at it again. I tried talking with him but he didn't want to listen. I told him I am done with it and if he decides to straighten up to give me a call.
I hate to throw away a 20 year friendship but sometimes you have to grow up and move on.
20 years ago, I had a friend that almost fit the same thing,and he and I were business associates...I tried talking to him,but he said it was life to do what ever he pleased with it...I stuck by him,as best as I could under the circumstances..after several years he started coming out of his mid-life crisis....and he healed his families wounds through religion and other outgoing efforts..I brought him into my hunting club and got him interested in guns and hunting...I would like to think that I had a part in his salvation...Edge,if he is truly a friend,don't give up on him because some one else has...
amen , needs you now more then ever. but there is olny so much you can do, short of huckllbuckin him to a tree for a week or so
I'm just taking a break from the whole thing. If he calls great, If not we might just need a guys weekend of Ice fishing this winter to get some things worked out.
you know the specifics better than us by a long shot, so if that what you have to do then nobody can argue with you...
quote:Originally posted by evileye fleagal
quote:Originally posted by pwillie
quote:Originally posted by edgecam
I have been friends with a guy for over 20 years, He was the best man in my wedding and I in his. About 6 months ago he started drinking more then usual and running around on his wife. We sat down and had good talk and he seemed to straighten out. I found out over the weekend that he is back at it again. I tried talking with him but he didn't want to listen. I told him I am done with it and if he decides to straighten up to give me a call.
I hate to throw away a 20 year friendship but sometimes you have to grow up and move on.
20 years ago, I had a friend that almost fit the same thing,and he and I were business associates...I tried talking to him,but he said it was life to do what ever he pleased with it...I stuck by him,as best as I could under the circumstances..after several years he started coming out of his mid-life crisis....and he healed his families wounds through religion and other outgoing efforts..I brought him into my hunting club and got him interested in guns and hunting...I would like to think that I had a part in his salvation...Edge,if he is truly a friend,don't give up on him because some one else has...
amen , needs you now more then ever. but there is olny so much you can do, short of huckllbuckin him to a tree for a week or so
I'm just taking a break from the whole thing. If he calls great, If not we might just need a guys weekend of Ice fishing this winter to get some things worked out.
You sound like your disappointed in him more than anything else...we all go through mid-life crisis,some take it more seriously than others....He ain't heavy...he's your brother....
if he's not harming you personally, then you're abandoning him when he likely needs you most. based on your post, this has only been going on for 6 months. seems awful quick to write someone off who you've known for 20 years and isnt directly harming you.
you know the specifics better than us by a long shot, so if that what you have to do then nobody can argue with you...
Pretty much sums up my thoughts.
I have been friends with a guy for over 20 years, He was the best man in my wedding and I in his. About 6 months ago he started drinking more then usual and running around on his wife. We sat down and had good talk and he seemed to straighten out. I found out over the weekend that he is back at it again. I tried talking with him but he didn't want to listen. I told him I am done with it and if he decides to straighten up to give me a call.
I hate to throw away a 20 year friendship but sometimes you have to grow up and move on.
Just have to add in The freind who I Posted RIP on Sept 11th. I had known since 1984. But he really got into his drinking, even used me to drive him when he was drunk. I had quit drinking so this started to get ot me.
Everyone who knew him tried to get him to at least slow down. It did no good. I'm sure that was the reason he just slumped over while driving his body gave out. Even his wife had left.
So if there is a chance try to help.
quote:Originally posted by KEVD18
if he's not harming you personally, then you're abandoning him when he likely needs you most. based on your post, this has only been going on for 6 months. seems awful quick to write someone off who you've known for 20 years and isnt directly harming you.
you know the specifics better than us by a long shot, so if that what you have to do then nobody can argue with you...
Pretty much sums up my thoughts.
Agreed here... Sometimes Kev has his good days. [;)]
Sometimes somebody needs to lose everything (possibly even your friendship included) to hit rock bottom.
Yep, sometimes you have to sit back and watch the implosion. I applaud you edge for maintaining a standard, and holding him accountable. You're not throwing anything away, he's the one that is choosing to live his life in an unacceptable manner (unacceptable to you). People develop friendships for many reasons, often times because they have the same morals and are like minded. His have changed, so its time to move on. IMO as a friend it is not your role to blindly tolerate and support behaviors that you find repugnant. So as you did, it is better to say your peace and extricate yourself from a situation that obviously has you compromised. Sounds like you left the door open if he comes back into a more acceptable lifestyle.
It's not his obligation to live his life according to your rules, as it's not your obligation to tolerate the way he is choosing to live his life.
shilowar...well said....
I'll second that!
I try to be like that - most times I can.
quote:Originally posted by nemesisenforcer
quote:Originally posted by KEVD18
if he's not harming you personally, then you're abandoning him when he likely needs you most. based on your post, this has only been going on for 6 months. seems awful quick to write someone off who you've known for 20 years and isnt directly harming you.
you know the specifics better than us by a long shot, so if that what you have to do then nobody can argue with you...
Pretty much sums up my thoughts.
Agreed here... Sometimes Kev has his good days. [;)]
even a blind squirrel finds a nut from time to time...
quote:Originally posted by roswellnative
Sometimes somebody needs to lose everything (possibly even your friendship included) to hit rock bottom.
Yep, sometimes you have to sit back and watch the implosion. I applaud you edge for maintaining a standard, and holding him accountable. You're not throwing anything away, he's the one that is choosing to live his life in an unacceptable manner (unacceptable to you). People develop friendships for many reasons, often times because they have the same morals and are like minded. His have changed, so its time to move on. IMO as a friend it is not your role to blindly tolerate and support behaviors that you find repugnant. So as you did, it is better to say your peace and extricate yourself from a situation that obviously has you compromised. Sounds like you left the door open if he comes back into a more acceptable lifestyle.
It's not his obligation to live his life according to your rules, as it's not your obligation to tolerate the way he is choosing to live his life.
His morals haven't changed. He is still doing all the dumb crap we used do back when we were in high school and a few years after. I have changed, I got married had kids and have a good job. maybe he is having a hard time with it. I have talked to him before and told my family comes first but if he needs anything I will be there for him. I am not interested in going out and getting drunk anymore, I have not had a drink in 5 years. I'm more then happy to hang out but our priorities are just different now.
Perhaps his wife is the reason he is drinking more than usual. Don
That never happens.