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Am I boned?
catpealer111
Member Posts: 10,695
The wife tried testing me. She was using a different email address to IM me with, trying to find out if I'd cheat. She's a messed up one. I kept saying "no I won't, I'm married." The more I said that the more ridicules she got. I finally said stuff just to shut her up, just told her to get in line. That was all, didn't say anything about hocking up. Am I boned? How much more screwed up can things get before I loose it.
Comments
How do you know it was her on the other end?
why does she feel the need to "test" you?....curiousity or a diversion?
Therein, lies the problem. Why?
How's her self-concept?[8D]
Talk to her about it. From what you've said it doesn't sound good, but you might be able to work it out. I hope you do.
Am I boned? How much more screwed up can things get before I loose it.
Are you suffering from * leakage? Not that I know from experience, but that's often a sure sign.
See what reaction you get.
I have seen it happen at least three seperate times. People who aren't cheating don't even think about it...they don't ask those questions....set up stings....check on their partners....it just isn't a thought to dwell on. Cheaters are always thinking these things and trying to make the situation someone else's fault.
Everyone I have ever known that ACCUSED thier partner of even thinking they could cheat on them was ALWAYS cheating on the one they were trying to blame.
I have seen it happen at least three seperate times. People who aren't cheating don't even think about it...they don't ask those questions....set up stings....check on their partners....it just isn't a thought to dwell on. Cheaters are always thinking these things and trying to make the situation someone else's fault.
Actually, your statement isn't exactly valid. People who have a history of cheating don't deserve trust.
If you caught your spouse cheating, and "forgave" her, would you be naive to think that she'd never cheat again? You're not cheating, but she's had a history of it.
No, you don't get to answer, "I'd not keep her around if I caught her cheating" because people do all the time.
Everyone I have ever known that ACCUSED thier partner of even thinking they could cheat on them was ALWAYS cheating on the one they were trying to blame.
I have seen it happen at least three seperate times. People who aren't cheating don't even think about it...they don't ask those questions....set up stings....check on their partners....it just isn't a thought to dwell on. Cheaters are always thinking these things and trying to make the situation someone else's fault.
Think your description is summed up by: "The person who checks inside a closet has been inside a closet." [;)]
Run far, Run fast......don't look back
You need someone you can count on to be your friend and partner -- not an adversary.
Life's too short to put up with that kind of crap -- and you only get one shot at life -- Think about it.
Good Luck whatever you do...........................................
Military marriages are tough enough; mine didn't last, and I tried every way under the sun to make her happy --- couldn't do it. Some women think that every man is a cheater, likely because they've been cheated on (or think they have). I told mine "you keep treating me like a thief and I'll start stealing!". After the smoke cleared, I found out that she had two boyfriends on the side --so she was trying to transfer her guilt to me and make me as miserable as she was.
Fast forward 30 years...she's been married 8 times, each marriage broken by infidelity on her part.
I was told she has the "BBD" complex, -- always looking for a bigger and better deal in a man. With that type of woman, there's always a man lurking in the shadows ready to take her current man's place. She'll always keep at least one lined up.
Your wife may not fit this profile, but if you see any similarities, RUN as fast as you can, get an anullment and start over.
Ask yourself this question: Do I really want to live the rest of my life like I'm living now? Then make your choice, and stick to it. Chances are she can't take rejection and will turn into the sweetest person in the world just to get you back --when she does-- it's right back to the way things were.
Good luck.
NEXT!
Tell your wife to pack it up and move on
Just tore into her, brought up all of the b.s. she's been shoveling on me. Now everything is fine and nothing is wrong. So stupid.
Hate to tell you but everything is not fine.....she may not bring it up but guess what, it's still in the back of her mind brewing, waiting...
I know that all too well. I give it 3 days before she's jumping my s_ _ _ again for something I either didn't do or something I had little/no control over.
Why wait ? End this game.... Either she respects you or she needs to go away.
Run, dude. Don't walk.
Thank God for the degeneration of the American Family Unit.
quote:I should've seen this all coming.
I know I deserve an "I told you so" since I asked for advice about her on the forum before we got married.
It will take you as long as it takes you to heed the advice you were given before you got married in the first place. Bleeding in public will not help. Getting out will.
Then your really screwed.
Don
Locust Fork, you're right on. You can call me number four.
Just tore into her, brought up all of the b.s. she's been shoveling on me. Now everything is fine and nothing is wrong. So stupid.
Sorry dude, I'm starting to think it's over, but.....if you want to, try to make it work. It's not going to work if 'everything is fine' because everything clearly is not fine. If you guys have a rip-screaming fight over this and work it out, you might be ok. If you do not have a rip-screaming fight over this, then it's time to walk away. I say that because things have happened that are not acceptable, so there is no way you can be ok without working those things out.
I always hope people can work it out, but I'm thinking your best bet might be to move on. So....I hope you have neither children nor major assets, because divorces are easier without either of those things.
But go ahead; prove me wrong and work it out--that would be the best outcome.
Just remember, catpealer. Things won't always be this bad between you and your wife. They're gonna get worse. I put up with increasing nonsense just like this from my first wife. Our last screaming match, she decided to use a knife for punctuation.
Run, dude. Don't walk.
Good advice! My first was a hitter and a thrower, I used to just turn my back and let it bounce off till she decided to throw a iron.... still got the scar on the back of my head! After that I started dodgin. She threw a coffee cup and I slapped it away from me and it landed near her...She then called the police and accused me of domestic violence! Get out before there are children! My youngest (22) as she matures is developing more and more phisiological and racial features of one of the neighbors that we had then! (big ol Cherokee nose) I'm still paying off the state for welfare that my ex drew while I had physical custody of the kids! (some states "the man will pay" is the rule) After 6 times in court appealing their decisions I finally ran into a judge that said "I do not chose to accept the school records as evidence" even though their mother lived 56 miles away from the school (and in another county) and gave up. I didn't get DNA ran on her because it would only hurt her. Not the ex. Found out later that the ex had been "sleeping" with at least 5 of my so called friends! (like I really wanted to hear about it 10 yrs after)
And yeah I was constantly accused of cheating (once because I spoke to the desk clerk while registering at a motel) Life is too short to put up with this kind of b/s. Run!
Another name for that BBD complex is "round heels"
Allen
Things dont get better they get worse. People dont change. Don't forget to wrap it, you don't want to be paying for a mistake for the next 18 years.
www.blowmeuptom.com - Become a student.
Secretly take a picture of her nude and send it to her. Ask her if she can do any better than this, then come on over.[:D]
Actually I like that idea. But, be sure to share with the rest of the board first. We'll tell you if it is a good photo or not.
I can understand it is a hard thing to give up on a marrriage. I would probably be the guy that tries and tries until she is the one that walks away, all the time she is wanting me to do it. Yes, I would probably go down with the sinking ship rather than jump ship.
While I never had a problem with my wife or in a relationship, I did stay too long in a bad job once and tried to work it out. It didn't happen.
I do not advocate getting a divorce, but there is no glory in staying on a sinking ship too long.
http://www.download.com/Home-Keylogger/3000-2092_4-10264521.html?tag=lst-0-8
Spy on her, it's a keystroke logger and runs without anyone knowing it's there but you. I used a similiar program on the 'ex and found a picture on the hard drive of her navy boyfriend. I just put his photo on the desktop and said nothing. I'll admit I played mind games with her before I threw her to the curb. [}:)]