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Letter from WalMart
dheffley
Member Posts: 25,000 ✭
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in
any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
Mr. Wally Underpants President and CEO of Wal-Mart
Complaint Department MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints -
15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the
antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in
any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.
Mr. Wally Underpants President and CEO of Wal-Mart
Complaint Department MEMO Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints -
15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the
antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Comments
Although, I understand how it could get you removed from the public.
This ones funny, as I actually did that while on a "mission" for a buddy of mine several years ago. Been kind of an on-going joke around here every since.
I think if we were honest about it, we (all of us) have wanted to do at least one thing on that list if not all of them....[}:)][}:)]
Hey, this joke gave me some great new ideas! I plan to try at least half of them out![}:)]
Me personally, I like to take frozen food items into various departments and hide them, (like Easter eggs). I don't go to Wally World very often, but when I do, I try to have fun[}:)]One of my older son's best friends works there, so occassionally I/we have a little fun with him, too!
quote:Originally posted by BlackRoses
I think if we were honest about it, we (all of us) have wanted to do at least one thing on that list if not all of them....[}:)][}:)]
Wanted, hell...how many have y'all actually done? I've done 1, 2, 5 (sort of) and 11 (but with James Bond theme). 15 is definitely on the list, if someone can teach me how to say it in Spanish.
"Yo quiero El Asso wipo"
Thanks !!!
d.a.stearns
Gunsmith / LEO
Niota , Tn