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The Perfect Husband
n/a
Member Posts: 168,427 ✭
Subject: The perfect husband
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He doesn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he is feeling, he wonders if he did something wrong. Jack forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table....and next to them, a single red rose !
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, Darling ! Love, Jillian."
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table eating. Jack asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asks his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me."
His son replies, "Oh, THAT....Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone bxtxh, I'm married !"
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He doesn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he is feeling, he wonders if he did something wrong. Jack forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table....and next to them, a single red rose !
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. He takes the aspirins and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, Darling ! Love, Jillian."
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table eating. Jack asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asks his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me."
His son replies, "Oh, THAT....Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone bxtxh, I'm married !"
Comments
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the
hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.
Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello".
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes".
WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful
leather coat.
It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "A coat for only $1,000? Sure...go ahead if you
like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and
saw the new 2007 models. I saw one I really liked"
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for $90,000 I want it with all the
options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I
wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking
$950,000"
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of
$900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can
go the extra 50 thousand if you really want to."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are
staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....
He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone
belongs to?"