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Quickies

dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
edited September 2011 in General Discussion
I saw that my low-fuel light was on, so I stopped and got $10 worth of gas. And when I was done, I saw that my low-fuel light was still on.

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

There can't be any life on Mars. They haven't asked the United States for any money.

When thieves get caught stealing money, they go to jail. When politicians get caught, it's an honest mistake.

Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage? Because they are tired of using their own.

My greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS and this is really my wife's personality.

Federal Express had a terrific obstacle to overcome: They had to convince people that anything with the word "Federal" in it could be speedy.

Dr. Ruth says women should tell our lovers how to make love to us. My boyfriend goes nuts if I tell him how to drive.

After divorce, most men realize that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.

For two people in a marriage to live together, day after day, is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.

Comments

  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    I dialed a number and got the following recording:
    'I am not available right now, but
    Thank you for caring enough to call.
    I am making some changes in my life.
    Please leave a message after the
    Beep. If I do not return your call,
    You are one of the changes.'
    ~~~~~

    Aspire to inspire before you expire.
    ~~~~~
    ( I LOVE THIS ONE! )
    My wife and I had words,
    But I didn't get to use mine.
    ~~~~~

    Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
    ~~~~~

    Blessed are those who can give without remembering
    And take without forgetting.
    ~~~~~
    The irony of life is that, by the time
    You're old enough to know your way
    Around, you're not going anywhere.
    ~~~~~

    God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
    Of an answer for her first question.
    ~~~~~
    I was always taught to respect my elders,
    But it keeps getting harder to find one.
    ~~~~~

    Every morning is the dawn
    of a new error.
    ~~~~~

    The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
    'With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding,
    severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another,
    and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we sure this
    is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?'
  • NavybatNavybat Member Posts: 6,849 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Good ones! I like the irony of life one the best.
  • dav1965dav1965 Member Posts: 26,540 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
  • scottm21166scottm21166 Member Posts: 20,723
    edited November -1
    I should ad the "aspire to inspire before you expire" to my Sig line...not because I am inspirational, because I feel expirational...[:I]
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