In order to participate in the GunBroker Member forums, you must be logged in with your GunBroker.com account. Click the sign-in button at the top right of the forums page to get connected.
Friend passed away, and I'm confused
dheffley
Member Posts: 25,000 ✭
My buddy had been suffering from emphysema for years. He had been as active as possible until the last several months, but he had been bed ridden for a while. His wife (second wife, no kids by her) had been getting more and more distant as his health failed. I had been visiting him every weekend for the last few months, but I talked to him last Friday and told him I wouldn't be coming this weekend because I had to work Saturday and would be taking Sunday off for Mothers Day. He understood. Said he would see me next weekend.
His wife had told me over and over how much of a burden he had become. I went to visit a few weeks ago, and when I walked in, I asked her how he was doing, she said, "I don't know, I haven't been in there today." It was after 3 in the afternoon, and it hit me kind of funny.
She called today to tell me he had passed away. We talked a little and there were several things that bothered me.
1) She told me they had talked last night and she had told him that it was going to be her worst Mothers Day ever because he was too sick for her to have her children over. (Wow, what a thing to say)
2) She told me that he had removed his oxygen line and had died in his sleep. (Suicide)
3) She told me that she didn't find him until after noon. (She didn't check on him before that or get him breakfast?)
4) She told me that if he was trying to help, he didn't because this was now a big mess with the police and coroner all over the place, and now there has to be an inquest and an autopsy before she can bury him and get on with her life. (Did the talk last night mean he needed to "help" with getting things over with?)
5) She told me she needed to get off the phone because she still had to notify his children. (She called me first?)
I know chronic illness can harden you up, but this sure seems like she was too distant and encouraged him to "go" as soon as he could.
He was a good man and a hard worker. Please remember Ronald (Ronnie) Dean's family in your prayers. I guess she'll let me know when the funeral is.
His wife had told me over and over how much of a burden he had become. I went to visit a few weeks ago, and when I walked in, I asked her how he was doing, she said, "I don't know, I haven't been in there today." It was after 3 in the afternoon, and it hit me kind of funny.
She called today to tell me he had passed away. We talked a little and there were several things that bothered me.
1) She told me they had talked last night and she had told him that it was going to be her worst Mothers Day ever because he was too sick for her to have her children over. (Wow, what a thing to say)
2) She told me that he had removed his oxygen line and had died in his sleep. (Suicide)
3) She told me that she didn't find him until after noon. (She didn't check on him before that or get him breakfast?)
4) She told me that if he was trying to help, he didn't because this was now a big mess with the police and coroner all over the place, and now there has to be an inquest and an autopsy before she can bury him and get on with her life. (Did the talk last night mean he needed to "help" with getting things over with?)
5) She told me she needed to get off the phone because she still had to notify his children. (She called me first?)
I know chronic illness can harden you up, but this sure seems like she was too distant and encouraged him to "go" as soon as he could.
He was a good man and a hard worker. Please remember Ronald (Ronnie) Dean's family in your prayers. I guess she'll let me know when the funeral is.
Comments
My buddy had been suffering from emphysema for years. He had been as active as possible until the last several months, but he had been bed ridden for a while. His wife (second wife, no kids by her) had been getting more and more distant as his health failed. I had been visiting him every weekend for the last few months, but I talked to him last Friday and told him I wouldn't be coming this weekend because I had to work Saturday and would be taking Sunday off for Mothers Day. He understood. Said he would see me next weekend.
His wife had told me over and over how much of a burden he had become. I went to visit a few weeks ago, and when I walked in, I asked her how he was doing, she said, "I don't know, I haven't been in there today." It was after 3 in the afternoon, and it hit me kind of funny.
She called today to tell me he had passed away. We talked a little and there were several things that bothered me.
1) She told me they had talked last night and she had told him that it was going to be her worst Mothers Day ever because he was too sick for her to have her children over. (Wow, what a thing to say)
2) She told me that he had removed his oxygen line and had died in his sleep. (Suicide)
3) She told me that she didn't find him until after noon. (She didn't check on him before that or get him breakfast?)
4) She told me that if he was trying to help, he didn't because this was now a big mess with the police and coroner all over the place, and now there has to be an inquest and an autopsy before she can bury him and get on with her life. (Did the talk last night mean he needed to "help" with getting things over with?)
5) She told me she needed to get off the phone because she still had to notify his children. (She called me first?)
I know chronic illness can harden you up, but this sure seems like she was too distant and encouraged him to "go" as soon as he could.
He was a good man and a hard worker. Please remember Ronald (Ronnie) Dean's family in your prayers. I guess she'll let me know when the funeral is.
She probably put him down.
With respect to the man's wife, I would not post anything else here and would share the information you have with the police. I am always a conspiracy theorist but this sounds like she either took off the O2 while he was sleeping or made him feel so guilty he took it off himself.
Best regards
My condolences to you and your friend's family.
You wont ever know if there was an agreement between them on when the end was near. Let it go and enjoy the memories of your good friend.
No good will come of it if you dwell on the what ifs.
Do what you feel you need to do .
His memory will not be " clouded " by the out-come .
Best during these times , SxS
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your buddy!
If you can't feel the music; it's only pink noise!
Try not to judge til you know the whole picture. I know the cop in you wants answers, but you have to allow for the human side of things also.
My condolences to you and your friend's family.
I'm not a cop, just have a lot of friends who are.
I don't know where this uneasy feeling is coming from, but it just won't let go. I think something stinks!
From love of your friend.
He is at peace now.
Let the rest of it fall where it will...
Let the rest of it fall where it will...
I know he only had a few more weeks or months left, but I also know he was planning to see me next weekend until they "talked" last night.[V]
quote:Originally posted by dheffley
I don't know where this uneasy feeling is coming from, but it just won't let go. I think something stinks!
From love of your friend.
He is at peace now.
Let the rest of it fall where it will...
I agree. If and when it is my day, I hope the wife or true friend by my bedside has the strength to grant me peace. If I am in the hospital I pray the Dr. will grant me more morphine than needed to ease me thru.
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
Let the rest of it fall where it will...
I know he only had a few more weeks or months left, but I also know he was planning to see me next weekend until they "talked" last night.[V]
One of my best friend's father was dying in a hospital. She had a non-stop vigil by his bed. He finally told her she should go to the cafeteria and get something to eat. She questioned him, then, after he reassured her it was okay, she left. While she was gone, he died.
Let the dead bury the dead first.
I don't know where this uneasy feeling is coming from, but it just won't let go. I think something stinks!
I know that feeling and it's seldom wrong.
Look at it this way, maybe your friend is actually the winner in this situation. His struggle is over, she gets this as her Mother's Day memory for the rest of her life. No matter how bitter and twisted she is, I can't see that being an easy thing to live with.
R.I.P. Ronnie
Danny,
You wont ever know if there was an agreement between them on when the end was near. Let it go and enjoy the memories of your good friend.
No good will come of it if you dwell on the what ifs.
sounds like good advice from a friend.
[:)]
b
It was a shock to me, and it stunk, yes indeed, to me anyway.
I bought it up to a friend who had known him the same amount of time as i had and was told, no,it was just his time, that I should not pry.
There was no autopsy, not needed I was told for some reason.
Heff, my sincere condolances, I agree with classic095 on this one, forgive me.
You know what, I told myself, if I am wrong, what am I doing to his grieving wife?
Like I said, this brings back and old wound, and when I gather my senses and thoughts, I may post the entire situation of my friend and see what GB thinks.
I think so too...[V]
Sorry about your friend, i sure hope it didn't go down that way, but, if it did, i hope she pays for it.My prayers tonight will be with him, his friends and family.
Ron
no offense but it sounds like the wife is a real b---h![:(]
I find your post self serving, rude, inconsiderate and border line libel. Play Sherlock Holmes if you like, but you will get no sympathy from me on your outrageous, unsubstantiated claims.
Oh, I am sorry for your loss, but I am happy your friends suffering is over.