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Why English teachers Retire Early
yawarakai
Member Posts: 2,688 ✭✭✭✭✭
Don't try and read these quickly. Take time and savour each one.
Why English Teachers Retire Early
The following similes and metaphors were committed by US high school studen= ts.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
7. The revelation that his marriage had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.
11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
12. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
13. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm traveling at 35 mph.
14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
16. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (My favourite)
17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
18. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
19. He was deeply in love. When she spoke he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
20. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
21. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
After reading #18, I don't think I'll ever be able to go to the ballet again without this image in mind.
Why English Teachers Retire Early
The following similes and metaphors were committed by US high school studen= ts.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
7. The revelation that his marriage had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.
11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
12. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
13. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm traveling at 35 mph.
14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
16. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. (My favourite)
17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
18. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
19. He was deeply in love. When she spoke he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
20. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
21. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
After reading #18, I don't think I'll ever be able to go to the ballet again without this image in mind.
Comments
... American Education = PRICELESS!
LOL ... you'd be surprised how imaginative HS students can be!
Raised four and soon the GKids will be there, too![:D][:D][:D]
Hel - Gramer is MUCH mor impoortenter than Speling!!! Gambeling ain't impoortent atol!
... American Education = PRICELESS!
sounds like that "whole language" program you used out in California until it was discovered that a whole generation couldnt read.
Yep - and my wife's noticed that the ability to read well has
been spread throughout the land! Some of the out of state kids
are even 'worze' readers! Ugh!!![:D]
Those quotes are not high-school produced. They are winning entries in the annual contest sponsered by the Bulwer-Lyton (sp?) folks for the worst opening sentence for a novel. They do it every year, and every few years they produce a little book with all the winners and notable entries. (Edward Bulwer-Lyton was a 19th century novelist who was famous for long-winded prose.)
I wouldnt be surprised if HS kids wrote them. Bulwer-Lytton contest winner is usually a lot better.
Michael