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Time for THAT talk...
thesupermonkey
Member Posts: 3,905 ✭✭
My oldest(11) son likes to watch youtube for movie trailers, funny videos, game walk throughs, etc. So he asked if I know how to upgrade his WII (located in his room) so that he can access youtube. I lie and say no, I only allow him to use the laptop in the family room. A few hours later he asks if he can take the laptop to his room. Red flag just went up. So again I say no. I'm in my study, downstairs and he's upstairs, in the family room, watching youtube. Every time I go up the stairs, he's looking directly at me and everything on the laptop is minimized. Hmmm... So I feign going down the stairs and stop after the first step. I can see him on the couch from the reflection on the tv. Once he's sure I'm down his face goes right back to the screen and I proceed to hear the soft sound of girls giggling. Sure enough, I poke my head around the corner as he stares at one of youtube's seedier videos.
The video was mildly erotic but not graphic by any means, so I was a bit relieved. Up to this point, he's never voiced an interest in the opposite sex and every so often I remind him that if he has any questions I'll tell him everything he wants to know. So I make some coughing noises and loud stomps to let him know I'm on my way back up.
Sure enough, get to the top of the stairs, he's looking right at me with everything on the computer minimized. I ask what he's watching, he gets really nervous and starts talking about some scooby doo movie. I tell him to relax, I'm not upset but if he lies about it I will be. So I ask again what have you been looking at? Nothing, he says. Ordinarily, I have a zero tolerance policy for bold faced lies but in this case, I can understand how he's feeling, been there too. I tell him I know what he's been watching and it's ok to be curious but there is a lot of bad information on the internet and I want him to get his answers from me, not there.
The whole topic is really embarrassing for him so I hope I can get him to open up. My mom's strategy was to lay it all out there on the table, hide nothing and answer everything. I kind of like that method as most of what she said at the time I didn't understand, but when I did it all made perfect sense.
So this is where it all goes downhill?
The video was mildly erotic but not graphic by any means, so I was a bit relieved. Up to this point, he's never voiced an interest in the opposite sex and every so often I remind him that if he has any questions I'll tell him everything he wants to know. So I make some coughing noises and loud stomps to let him know I'm on my way back up.
Sure enough, get to the top of the stairs, he's looking right at me with everything on the computer minimized. I ask what he's watching, he gets really nervous and starts talking about some scooby doo movie. I tell him to relax, I'm not upset but if he lies about it I will be. So I ask again what have you been looking at? Nothing, he says. Ordinarily, I have a zero tolerance policy for bold faced lies but in this case, I can understand how he's feeling, been there too. I tell him I know what he's been watching and it's ok to be curious but there is a lot of bad information on the internet and I want him to get his answers from me, not there.
The whole topic is really embarrassing for him so I hope I can get him to open up. My mom's strategy was to lay it all out there on the table, hide nothing and answer everything. I kind of like that method as most of what she said at the time I didn't understand, but when I did it all made perfect sense.
So this is where it all goes downhill?
Comments
Most kids in this modern age just ain't satisfied to learn about the birds and bees on the streets and the back seat of a Ford at the drive-in as generations before them. [;)]
GOOD LUCK!
Clouder..
The censor decided a feller named BallPark Frank was a more sensible name than the one correctly used for the male sex organ. Go figger.
was she mad, went told dad i could hear through the vent.
dad says "what do you want me to tell him it dont feel good".
then she really was hot. her response was "no, i want you to let him know that not what it really looks like. nevermind i'll do it myself".
she enters my room an thats what she says, i was ready when she ask me for my comments i said "i know mom this is what the good one look like".
ka-boom she blew up.
that ended our talks about that subject.
I hope you survive it. Most parents do, and I've heard the majority of eleven year olds do too. [:D]
Reminds me of my brother and one of his sons at that age 20 years ago.
Dad; DO IT NOW!
Son: No! this is not a democracy its a dictator ship.
Dad: Thats right! your going to get smacked if you keep it up!
Son: You touch me and I am calling 911
Dad: Do it you will be dead the time they arrive.[:D]
We were all there when this happened, and it was funny to say the least.
Now at 32, he himself tells the story with laughter.
Point taken but one thing I should clarify, he IS a good kid. In fact, this is the first time he's ever continued to lie when pressed about something. I can understand how it's embarrassing for him. Although not half as embarrassing as having your mom catch you on the couch at 3am, polishing wood to the fuzzy channels. I think I'll save that story for when he's a tad bit older. We had a followup discussion and I pressed him for a question. He asked about pregnancy and I explained it in terms he could understand. He didn't care to talk about it much after that and asked if we could just forget about the youtube deal. I told him it wasn't important enough remember, those types of videos are off limits and to come to me/mom with any questions.
Ouch. If he'll lie to your face at 11 you're two steps behind already.
im not sure i agree with this under these circumstances. an 11 yo boy embarassed about getting caught with adult material(sort of) is fairly normal.
id wait a few years before the real talk(i.e. sex, pregnancy, condoms etc). at this point id think the "dont play with it where anyone can see you" and "dont * on your mothers good towels" should suffice.
still remember the half assed sex talk i got from my old man. apart from the two gems quoted above, and they are quotes, there wasnt a whole lot to it, till it came time for the big one after he caught me with a real live girl(my third sexual partner, but he didnt know that). then the big guns came out. disease, babies, ruining my life knocking a girl up at 16 etc.
oh the memories.
i can remember when mom found the my playboy mag.
was she mad, went told dad i could hear through the vent.
dad says "what do you want me to tell him it dont feel good".
then she really was hot. her response was "no, i want you to let him know that not what it really looks like. nevermind i'll do it myself".
she enters my room an thats what she says, i was ready when she ask me for my comments i said "i know mom this is what the good one look like".
ka-boom she blew up.
that ended our talks about that subject.
Now that's funny right there.[:D]
Clouder,
Point taken but one thing I should clarify, he IS a good kid. In fact, this is the first time he's ever continued to lie when pressed about something. I can understand how it's embarrassing for him. Although not half as embarrassing as having your mom catch you on the couch at 3am, polishing wood to the fuzzy channels. I think I'll save that story for when he's a tad bit older. We had a followup discussion and I pressed him for a question. He asked about pregnancy and I explained it in terms he could understand. He didn't care to talk about it much after that and asked if we could just forget about the youtube deal. I told him it wasn't important enough remember, those types of videos are off limits and to come to me/mom with any questions.
I never thought for an instant that he wasn't a good kid.
Clouder..
People don't become sexual beings, they are born sexual beings. From the first time as an infant or toddler they reach down to their own stuff and realize "Hey, this feels good!" The absolute worse thing to do is to shame the boy and tell him he is sinful or perverted. I know of a family that did do that when they caught him looking at porn. even brought in the family pastor to reinforce what a perverted. sinful monster he was. Kid blew his brains out with the family shotgun.
You are joking. reloader.
People don't become sexual beings, they are born sexual beings. From the first time as an infant or toddler they reach down to their own stuff and realize "Hey, this feels good!" The absolute worse thing to do is to shame the boy and tell him he is sinful or perverted. I know of a family that did do that when they caught him looking at porn. even brought in the family pastor to reinforce what a perverted. sinful monster he was. Kid blew his brains out with the family shotgun.
whatever ..the kid did everyone a favor....who got the shotgun?
It's too late ...the kid is spanking it and there is no turning back....hopefully he wont turn into some kind of deviant...that preys on younger boys
is this what happened in your case?
quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
It's too late ...the kid is spanking it and there is no turning back....hopefully he wont turn into some kind of deviant...that preys on younger boys
is this what happened in your case?
nope, my brother[xx(]
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
You are joking. reloader.
People don't become sexual beings, they are born sexual beings. From the first time as an infant or toddler they reach down to their own stuff and realize "Hey, this feels good!" The absolute worse thing to do is to shame the boy and tell him he is sinful or perverted. I know of a family that did do that when they caught him looking at porn. even brought in the family pastor to reinforce what a perverted. sinful monster he was. Kid blew his brains out with the family shotgun.
whatever ..the kid did everyone a favor....who got the shotgun?
sorry super monkey not to take away from your sticky situation but that's funny. an who did get the shotgun? probably the police.
id feel safe in betting every dollar i have that at least 80% of the members here have beat the bishop at least once. maybe they wont admit it. maybe they dont do it anymore, but the vast majority of boys men do it, usually with some regularity and it doesnt make you the devil. its perfectly normal.
and it doesnt make you the devil. its perfectly normal.
But it'll make you go blind. Ever notice how many people are wearing glasses?
quote:Originally posted by KEVD18
and it doesnt make you the devil. its perfectly normal.
But it'll make you go blind. Ever notice how many people are wearing glasses?
LMAO![:D]
quote:Originally posted by KEVD18
and it doesnt make you the devil. its perfectly normal.
But it'll make you go blind. Ever notice how many people are wearing glasses?
i was wearing glasses before i discovered the joys of *.
Sorry, that was just too easy Monkey...... but seriously though, the good thing is, unless I'm mistaken, youtube does not allow any actual nudity, and although racey, your boy shouldn't be exposed to anything too too graphic, as you mentioned.
Glad those days are far behind me... about 15-19 years ago.
I don't relish the thought of having to raise a child in these days and times... I thought it was hard back then... but, boy do you guys have it rough now...
My son has a two year son (grandson Logan) that I intend to keep very close... I hope that I can have a positive influence on him and help his Dad through the hard times I know he has coming...
Good Luck on your future talks... With the internet and availability of information now, you got a rough road ahead...