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I find it hard to grasp- I am actually reading intelligent, insightful, well considered responses here. How da hell did THAT happen?
As the guys have said-this is a way to control YOU. And you are describing a VERY controlling person. Without letting her know, make your wife privy to what is going on. Pull the fuse ahead of the time that the "Well, when I tell your wife about this..." moment crops up.
And a SERIOUS note of caution- unless you are a Catholic priest sitting in a confessional, or an openly gay hairdresser, when a woman starts sharing information UNINVITED on past "indiscretions", 9 times out of 10, she is looking to be "indiscrete" again. Um- dat be you, if you have not figured that out yet.
Oh God, I hate that. Over the years a couple of friends have confided to me that they have strayed in their marriages. Why do they think I want to know about it?
....................................................................................................
Too old to live...too young to die...
Just another in a long line of people who can't keep an oath/vow.
Such a one who betrays their vows is not to be trusted and while there is no requirement to lash out or report, such information should be taken in the stark context that it actually is...betrayal.
She is not deserving of pity or the label of 'good girl'. She is bound to eventually destroy her husband and kids domestic life and leave lasting scars on all of them.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Such a one cannot be trusted, in any dealing, personal or otherwise.
You are getting some good advice here......it would behoove you to take note and fix the situation this so called "good girl" has put you in.
Keeping secrets like this from the wife who is this "good girl's" best friend will get you in some hot water if you don't act quickly as it will come out sooner or later. You will be left looking like you condone the activity or a fool that can't be trusted.
quote:Originally posted by nemesisenforcer
To satisfy everyone's curiosity (as much as I can) a good friend (female, the sister of one of my best friends from college) who is married with kids revealed some recent indiscretions to me out of the blue.
These indiscretions come on the heels of a long in-depth conversation wherein similar indiscretions were revealed and sorrow, remorse, and a rededication to home, hearth, and faith were spoken.
Short lived, that declaration, apparently.
She's a really good girl with a good heart, smart as a whip, who was brought up in a good home with loving parents (at least one loving parent,) but has made some really awful decisions that could destroy her and her family, I'm afraid.
It tears me apart because I'm close to her and her family and I know she deserves better, but she can't seem to break this cycle and keeps doing really stupid and destructive things. She's entrusted me with secrets I dare not divulge so I can't tell her family about anything so they can't intervene when they're the people best positioned to do so. It's a no-win situation.
When I told her the effect her revelations had on me (been sick about it all day) she blows it off as "no big deal" and accuses me of passing moral judgment on her when in point of fact I'm doing no such thing; I'm merely expressing my concerns over the potential long term ramifications to her and her family (I've already helped her brother with a divorce; not about to help her.)
To top it off, she's best friends with my wife and I'm worried about the influence she may be having on her, however indirect (The Wife is clueless about all this drama, and will remain so but nonetheless, attitudes and whatnot can be contagious.)
For the cherry on top, I can't help but feel a little responsible for this. I've not exactly been a good influence on her with my rather cavalier attitude towards a lot of things. She basically worships me (me and her brother are a lot older than her and she kind of grew up aspiring to our legend, which wasn't always positive, especially on my end) and while I'm not egotistical enough to think she did these things to impress me or to try and earn my approval, if someone you admires says or has done certain things, it can't help but color how you think about those same things and thoughts become actions, for better or worse.
As you can see, it's been quite a day.
Thanks for listening and any input is appreciated.
This was more fun when you could fill in blank. [:D][:D]
It's being willing. I found out early that most men, regardless of cause or need, aren't willing. They blink an eye or draw a breath before they pull the trigger. I won't. ~ J.B. Books
This girl is self destructive and her situation will eventually blow up. It looks like you're close enough that when it does blow you'll get it on you.
You will have to do what you think is right. I would start trying to back away and get as little of it on me and mine as possible.
Comments
As the guys have said-this is a way to control YOU. And you are describing a VERY controlling person. Without letting her know, make your wife privy to what is going on. Pull the fuse ahead of the time that the "Well, when I tell your wife about this..." moment crops up.
And a SERIOUS note of caution- unless you are a Catholic priest sitting in a confessional, or an openly gay hairdresser, when a woman starts sharing information UNINVITED on past "indiscretions", 9 times out of 10, she is looking to be "indiscrete" again. Um- dat be you, if you have not figured that out yet.
Too old to live...too young to die...
Such a one who betrays their vows is not to be trusted and while there is no requirement to lash out or report, such information should be taken in the stark context that it actually is...betrayal.
She is not deserving of pity or the label of 'good girl'. She is bound to eventually destroy her husband and kids domestic life and leave lasting scars on all of them.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Such a one cannot be trusted, in any dealing, personal or otherwise.
As I see it.
Don
So ya think she wants to join ya in a 3 way?
Don
Now that's bad. [:D]
Keeping secrets like this from the wife who is this "good girl's" best friend will get you in some hot water if you don't act quickly as it will come out sooner or later. You will be left looking like you condone the activity or a fool that can't be trusted.
To satisfy everyone's curiosity (as much as I can) a good friend (female, the sister of one of my best friends from college) who is married with kids revealed some recent indiscretions to me out of the blue.
These indiscretions come on the heels of a long in-depth conversation wherein similar indiscretions were revealed and sorrow, remorse, and a rededication to home, hearth, and faith were spoken.
Short lived, that declaration, apparently.
She's a really good girl with a good heart, smart as a whip, who was brought up in a good home with loving parents (at least one loving parent,) but has made some really awful decisions that could destroy her and her family, I'm afraid.
It tears me apart because I'm close to her and her family and I know she deserves better, but she can't seem to break this cycle and keeps doing really stupid and destructive things. She's entrusted me with secrets I dare not divulge so I can't tell her family about anything so they can't intervene when they're the people best positioned to do so. It's a no-win situation.
When I told her the effect her revelations had on me (been sick about it all day) she blows it off as "no big deal" and accuses me of passing moral judgment on her when in point of fact I'm doing no such thing; I'm merely expressing my concerns over the potential long term ramifications to her and her family (I've already helped her brother with a divorce; not about to help her.)
To top it off, she's best friends with my wife and I'm worried about the influence she may be having on her, however indirect (The Wife is clueless about all this drama, and will remain so but nonetheless, attitudes and whatnot can be contagious.)
For the cherry on top, I can't help but feel a little responsible for this. I've not exactly been a good influence on her with my rather cavalier attitude towards a lot of things. She basically worships me (me and her brother are a lot older than her and she kind of grew up aspiring to our legend, which wasn't always positive, especially on my end) and while I'm not egotistical enough to think she did these things to impress me or to try and earn my approval, if someone you admires says or has done certain things, it can't help but color how you think about those same things and thoughts become actions, for better or worse.
As you can see, it's been quite a day.
Thanks for listening and any input is appreciated.
This was more fun when you could fill in blank. [:D][:D]
You will have to do what you think is right. I would start trying to back away and get as little of it on me and mine as possible.
I agree, no secrets between you and your wife. Wife knows all.
If this girl expects you to keep this from your wife, she's got the wrong expectation.
^
Your wife needs to informed of this. The word is going to get back around....it always does.
Better to get it out to your wife now, rather than have her find out you've been keeping it from her.
If you can't feel the music; it's only pink noise!
Second...This thread is useless without pics and a phone number!![}:)]