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Old memories, and regrets,........

Marc1301Marc1301 Member Posts: 31,895 ✭✭✭
edited November 2012 in General Discussion
Couple of pics of an ex-GF of mine from way back. Pics removed as I shouldn't have posted them without letting her know.She was one of two that would have made a good wife, had I not been a scumbag back in those days.

Treated her like garbage after awhile, and moved on to a friend of hers for a few months before moving on again.

She swallowed some pills of her mothers when I dumped her, and ended up in the hospital. I still remember her father to this day, and how he felt about me,......I don't blame him one little bit.[B)]

For whatever reason, she has always tried to keep in touch with me.
She married one time around 28, and the guy ended up beating her. She divorced him thankfully, and has remained single since.

She has a grown daughter, and a son that is almost 18.

I always got along with her mother, and she thought that we would end up happy ever after. She never held a grudge against me like the father did either.

Long story short for those that are wondering WTH this is about,.....I just found out that her mother is dying from lung cancer. Inoperable stage 4, and probably 4 to 6 weeks to live.

I don't know why she turned to me, but she was crying like a baby. I wish that there was something I could do to ease her pain, but I know there isn't.[V]

To make things even better, she is going in next week for a biopsy of her breast for possible cancer.

I hate myself right now for what pain I caused her many years ago.
"Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here." - William Shatner

Comments

  • MMOMEQ-55MMOMEQ-55 Member Posts: 13,134
    edited November -1
    She is hot. U should have married her. I had an old girlfriend like this. If I had some sense back then I would have hung on to her. She ended up marrying a butt wipe who left her when she came down with breast cancer. Her, my wife and myself are all close friends now. Funny how life turns out.

    Got a great wife now so I guess it turned out OK.
  • Locust ForkLocust Fork Member Posts: 32,045 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I am sure you aren't as horrible as you think you were....or she wouldn't stick around and keep in touch with you. What you should do is stop thinking about what "could have been" and just be the very best friend you can. I hope she hears good news from the test she is going in for. I just hate that about her mother.
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  • guntech59guntech59 Member Posts: 23,188 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I'm pretty sure most of us have someone in our past that we treated like crap and have lived to regret it. I know I have. It was a part of growing up.

    Perhaps it's not too late. You're not too old to be happy.
  • jimdeerejimdeere Member, Moderator Posts: 26,234 ******
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by guntech59
    I'm pretty sure most of us have someone in our past that we treated like crap and have lived to regret it. I know I have. It was a part of growing up.

    Perhaps it's not too late. You're not too old to be happy.





    Yep, I'd like to apologize to my first two wives for the prick I was.
    You know, I asked mrsdeere one time why she let her ex treat her like crap all them years, yet scolds me for the least little thing.
    my bruise from that comment took two months to heal up.[8D]
  • JamesRKJamesRK Member Posts: 25,670 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Marc, all we can do is do the best we can and hope for the best with what we have now. Unfortunately we don't get a do-over of our youth. Or maybe fortunately.

    Best wishes to you, friend.
    The road to hell is paved with COMPROMISE.
  • mjbmxzmjbmxz Member Posts: 1,096 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    There are a few I screwed up on when young and dumb. I think most people have a few of em they wish they could have back.
  • Marc1301Marc1301 Member Posts: 31,895 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by JamesRK
    Marc, all we can do is do the best we can and hope for the best with what we have now. Unfortunately we don't get a do-over of our youth. Or maybe fortunately.

    Best wishes to you, friend.

    I understand, and thanks James.
    This will all be better in the AM, my life has been like a soap opera lately.

    I hope to be bored again soon.
    "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here." - William Shatner
  • Oso2142Oso2142 Member Posts: 2,940
    edited November -1
    You can't dwell on the things you can not change. You have a rare chance to do well by somebody you should have, in the past. Now is not the time for feeling bad, but time for you to be strong, and supportive.

    I think that many of us were ******** to women, in our younger days. But, most of us never get the chance to set things right.

    From what I know of you, you're a good man. So, I believe you'll treat her right, at this time.
  • tomahawktomahawk Member Posts: 11,826
    edited November -1
    ain't never too late to right a wrong...the Lord gives us tose chanced daily....your move[;)]
  • asopasop Member Posts: 9,004 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Been there, done that. Have talked to both in the past 3 or 4 year over the phone. I'm very happily married for 47 years BUT it still screws with one's mind. WOW [?]
  • Don McManusDon McManus Member Posts: 23,681 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Beware of where you are going with this.

    Odds are you made the right decision those many years ago. I have a friend who married a young lady after she told him she would kill herself if he left her.

    Huge mistake.

    She has issues, and unless you want to take on a project that may never end, be very careful.
    Freedom and a submissive populace cannot co-exist.

    Brad Steele
  • retroxler58retroxler58 Member Posts: 32,693 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Don McManus
    Beware of where you are going with this.

    Odds are you made the right decision those many years ago. I have a friend who married a young lady after she told him she would kill herself if he left her.

    Huge mistake.

    She has issues, and unless you want to take on a project that may never end, be very careful.
    I've got to say Don has made a VERY Valid point right here...

    There's nothing wrong with being the best you can be now... Regardless of what ever happened before.
    It shouldn't include actions or reactions based solely upon any guilt or remorse you may feel now.

    Be a good friend and listen... But, be sure that your actions are taken simply for what they should be...
    "A friend who sincerely feels compassion for current circumstances... for other friends and relatives."

    Don't get caught sending unwanted or unwarranted vibes... To do so would certainly complicate matters.

    Good Luck Marc... I know you'll do what in your mind and heart is right.
  • Rack OpsRack Ops Member Posts: 18,596 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I know all about regrets, Mark.


    Don makes a damned good point.......but sometimes you just can't "turn it off" no matter how stupid the choice is.
  • pwilliepwillie Member Posts: 20,253 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "Days of our lives"[:(]
  • Ford 23Ford 23 Member Posts: 3,129
    edited November -1
    Marc--IMO it takes balls for one to admit his/her mistakes and regrets. Those who never acknowledge something undesirable/mistakes/regrets in their past are cold hearted and doomed to meeting their end as an * the same as when alive
  • ltcdotyltcdoty Member Posts: 4,183 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Girl I loved dumped me for a hippie when I shipped out overseas. I was devastated. I ran into her several years later..she had four kids under the age of five and looked like she chased a fart through a keg of nails....God works in mysterious way.
  • partisanpartisan Member Posts: 6,414
    edited November -1
    Marc; You know my situation. Wish to God it had been a hand full of pills, rather than a .357.
    Like a lot of these guys, many of us have been in your shoes regarding old GF's. When I was a young man fresh out of the Marines, and reeling from my first divorce I had a similar situation happen to me.
    Before I left for the Marines I dumped a really good girl because she just couldn't accept my wild, crazy ways. I was 17, and later I heard she moved to Miami with some older guy. Jump ahead about 4-5 years and I'm working nights loading trucks. My boss comes to me and tells me there is some girl out on the loading docks crying hysterically and saying she has to see me. It was Carolyn from my past. She had been really screwed over by some guy and said I was the only man she could trust. I told the boss I had to leave, and he said if you go, you're fired! So I left with Carolyn, we spent the night together naked, and didn't have any form of sex. She just needed to be held all night. This was the first time in my life I ever did the "right" thing! We parted ways the next day, and I haven't heard from her since. Maybe I'll try to look her up, and hope her life turned out better than mine! Doug
  • slumlord44slumlord44 Member Posts: 3,702 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Many of us have similar people in our past. I always enjoy the good memories and try to forget the bad ones. We were all young once and the statement that youth is wasted on the young has a lot of meaning to me. You just have to do what you think is right today. You can't change the past.
  • noell316noell316 Member Posts: 647 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Yeah, know a little about regret. Found out that a woman I dated, and was (still am) crazy about is getting married. I always hoped that there would be an us one day. Don't know if I should tel her that I still love her, I don't want to come off as a jerk. Life hurts sometimes.
  • dreherdreher Member Posts: 8,891 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I have often wished life had a rewind button. Think how many times we have screwed up big time, knew we screwed up an hour later, maybe even as we were saying something stupid or hurtful. Think for a minute about what we should have done or said. Hit rewind button, go back about five minutes before screw up. Fix screw up.

    In my case, if I had hit the rewind button everytime I screwed up, I probably would be 30 years younger than I am.[:0]
  • bullshotbullshot Member Posts: 14,702 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Screw what has happened in the past, it's just that .... the past. This woman, for whatever reason is reaching out to the one person she feels safe with, in a horrible time in her life. Be the man you wished you had been then and are now. Comfort another human being in their time of need.

    "But for the grace of God" .. you know the rest.

    You'll do the right thing . whatever you do.

    My two cents.
    "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you"
  • OakieOakie Member Posts: 40,522 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Marc, You are not to blame. We have all been there. You seem like a really nice guy with a big heart. I treated my frst wife like dirt also and she divorced me. I was 100% at fault for the marrige failing. I never hit her or cheated, I was just mean as a hornt. Three months after our split, Her mother had a heart attack and died. I felt like I was the blame. Her mother and I got along great even after the split but her father always hated me.She tried to keep in touch but I had moved on. You need to d the same. Dont blame yourself, Its part of growing up. We were 18 wen we got married.Way too young and imature.Good luck and god bless, John
  • txlawdogtxlawdog Member Posts: 10,039 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Can't do anything about yesterday, only right now. Good luck. She obviously needs a friend or she would not have reached out to you.
  • Mr. PerfectMr. Perfect Member, Moderator Posts: 66,404 ******
    edited November -1
    It's never too late to do the right thing now. [:)]
    Some will die in hot pursuit
    And fiery auto crashes
    Some will die in hot pursuit
    While sifting through my ashes
    Some will fall in love with life
    And drink it from a fountain
    That is pouring like an avalanche
    Coming down the mountain
  • Marc1301Marc1301 Member Posts: 31,895 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Don McManus
    Beware of where you are going with this.

    Odds are you made the right decision those many years ago. I have a friend who married a young lady after she told him she would kill herself if he left her.

    Huge mistake.

    She has issues, and unless you want to take on a project that may never end, be very careful.

    Don,....I understand what you are saying, but I don't think she has issues really.

    She was only 17/18 when that 'stunt' happened, and I blame it on immaturity. She was absolutely crazy about me for whatever reason, and when she found out I was starting something up with a close friend of hers, and tossing her aside, I guess it hit her very hard.

    I didn't tell the rest of our history.
    About the time she was 25, we got back together again, and she moved in with me.

    She worked, cooked for me, cleaned my house, everything she could do to make me happy.
    Within a year, I was back to my old ways again, and it didn't take long for her to find out. I had a feeling she knew, but she didn't say anything about it at the time.

    When I told her it wasn't going to work, she said she knew what I had been doing for a couple of months. She probably smelled perfume on me, and things like that when I would claim I was out with the guys. She said she would forgive me, and wanted to make it work.

    When I said it wasn't going to be that way,....another bad scene, but nothing like the first time.
    That was the only time in my life I took a 'beating' from a woman. She pounded on my chest, and slapped me until she collapsed in tears in the hallway,......still remember it like yesterday.

    I just stood there and let her do it, and walked away. She finally came into the family room, and looked at me watching a football game like nothing had even happened. At that point she started packing her stuff, and prepared to leave.

    I loaded her stuff up for her, and the last thing I remember is her standing by her car looking at me with tears in her eyes. All I said was "I'm sorry" and went back inside. She finally drove away after about 10 minutes of sitting in her car.

    I don't know what my problem was with commitment, but I wasn't good at it when it came to relationships.
    I have always been extremely responsible when it came to work, and taking care of my home, and mother. I didn't get over my wandering ways concerning women until 40 or so, and I will admit that is pathetic.

    I will pay the price for that, as I should.

    I know a couple of folks think this is funny, and that's fine,.....have a blast laughing at my 'soap opera' per se.

    My concern is about her, and all of the pain she has been through.
    Heck, she even called me before she got married, and asked my thoughts on it. I think that was another signal for a last chance now that I think about it.

    After her marriage came apart, and she was hit the first time,....she called me again. I told her to get the hell out of there. He apologized, and she stayed of course.
    The son was born right before this guy went off the deep end, and she finally divorced him.

    She has no money worries, as she has a good job, and her parents are quite well off. She is simply a person seeking love desperately, and she has been turned away every time.

    To finish up,....I have no intention of trying to repeat history.
    On the other hand, I AM going to go down and see her and her mother hopefully next weekend. They all live in Port St. Lucie south of me.
    Her father is not in great shape either, but might be around for awhile so that will be another thing on her plate.

    She will handle it fine, as her life is all about others at this point. She even cares for rescued animals until they can be adopted out.

    Somehow I find typing out my feelings to be therapeutic in a way, much better than holding it all inside like I have done for most of my life. Guess that means I'm getting old and sappy.

    End of the 'Days of Our Lives.'[:)]
    "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here." - William Shatner
  • Waco WaltzWaco Waltz Member Posts: 10,836 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I have a female friend who broke up with one of the guys from the neighborhood some 20 years ago. He hung himself on a tree with rope that was long enough that all he had to do to keep from dying was stand straight up. There was only a slight bend in his knees as his feet touched the ground.

    Now as to sowing one's wild oats, some have to do it. And if you really love someone you will wait for them to get it out of their system. Looks like the girl really loved someone in this story.
  • JamesRKJamesRK Member Posts: 25,670 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Waco Waltz
    I have a female friend who broke up with one of the guys from the neighborhood some 20 years ago. He hung himself on a tree with rope that was long enough that all he had to do to keep from dying was stand straight up. There was only a slight bend in his knees as his feet touched the ground.
    This probably isn't the right thread for a sea story, and it might be considered hijacking, so if that's the case I apologize, but you reminded me of something that happened in Norfolk many years ago.

    A young Engineman on an MSO (Ocean Mine Sweeper) decided life was just too hard and not worth living. He cut a length of line and tied it off to a stanchion on the 01 Level and tied the other end around his neck and jumped to the Main Deck.

    He overestimated the distance from the 01 Level to the Main Deck. He wound up in the psycho ward with two broken legs and a sprained neck. His line was too long to kill him, but with two broken legs he couldn't stand up to take it off. He had to semi-hang there flopping around until a couple of Deck Seamen found him and cut him down.

    I guess the moral to the story is it doesn't pay to be crazy and stupid at the same time.
    The road to hell is paved with COMPROMISE.
  • TfloggerTflogger Member Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by mjbmxz
    There are a few I screwed up on when young and dumb. I think most people have a few of em they wish they could have back.

    + 10000000000000000
  • Marc1301Marc1301 Member Posts: 31,895 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by JamesRK
    quote:Originally posted by Waco Waltz
    I have a female friend who broke up with one of the guys from the neighborhood some 20 years ago. He hung himself on a tree with rope that was long enough that all he had to do to keep from dying was stand straight up. There was only a slight bend in his knees as his feet touched the ground.
    This probably isn't the right thread for a sea story, and it might be considered hijacking, so if that's the case I apologize, but you reminded me of something that happened in Norfolk many years ago.

    A young Engineman on an MSO (Ocean Mine Sweeper) decided life was just too hard and not worth living. He cut a length of line and tied it off to a stanchion on the 01 Level and tied the other end around his neck and jumped to the Main Deck.

    He overestimated the distance from the 01 Level to the Main Deck. He wound up in the psycho ward with two broken legs and a sprained neck. His line was too long to kill him, but with two broken legs he couldn't stand up to take it off. He had to semi-hang there flopping around until a couple of Deck Seamen found him and cut him down.

    I guess the moral to the story is it doesn't pay to be crazy and stupid at the same time.

    No worries James,.....that was a good one.[:D]
    You are always welcome to say whatever you wish on any thread of mine.
    "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here." - William Shatner
  • retroxler58retroxler58 Member Posts: 32,693 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I've been accused of being sappy at times...
    But writing one's thoughts helps to clarify what you're thinking.

    And exposing those thoughts to others...
    Helps keep one humble... and willing to see others with more clarity.

    Keep doing what you're doing Marc...
  • bigoutsidebigoutside Member Posts: 19,443
    edited November -1
    Marc.

    I'm unsure of what you are looking for.

    If you are unencumbered, move forward as you best see fit.

    If you have obligations, discharge them first.

    You've established a pretty good track record as being a thoughtful man on these forums. If you haven't been 'faking' it. Trust your instincts. They are good.



    Just my two cents.
  • Marc1301Marc1301 Member Posts: 31,895 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by bigoutside
    Marc.

    I'm unsure of what you are looking for.

    If you are unencumbered, move forward as you best see fit.

    If you have obligations, discharge them first.

    You've established a pretty good track record as being a thoughtful man on these forums. If you haven't been 'faking' it. Trust your instincts. They are good.



    Just my two cents.

    Not really looking for anything,.....just getting some stuff off my chest basically.

    I was really shocked when she called the other day with the news about her mother.
    When she started crying, it made me think of all the pain she has had in her life, and how many times I made her shed tears.

    Dumped off by me twice,....failed marriage to an 'abuser', and now this. I think it's actually easier if someone is diagnosed with something bad early.
    With treatment there is a small chance of recovery, but if nothing else the family has time to come to grips with their feelings and prepare to let go.

    I was thinking how I would feel if one day I got a call from my mother telling me she had 4 to 6 weeks to live. Not an easy road for anyone involved.

    Her mother always liked me, regardless of what I did.
    Why,.....I have no clue, but she always kept a thought that her daughter and I would get back together someday.

    I am single again after an 8 year relationship ending about this time last year. First one that wasn't largely my fault. We got along fine, but I just couldn't deal with her unruly, and disrespectful son, and her needy grown daughters.

    Of course when it came down to a choice, a mother is always going to choose her children. I just couldn't handle it anymore, as every single day there was some kind of drama taking place,...like living a real soap opera.
    We parted on good terms regardless.

    Back to the one I was talking about.
    I'm almost certain that we could get back together if I made the move. She dropped a hint about 6 months ago when we were talking one Saturday,....at least I took it as a hint.

    She said something about liking it up here, and that she could get a job no problem. She knew that my previous situation had ended and why.

    Anyway,....as I said before. I have no plans to start something up again, but I am going to go down and see her mother, and her before she gets too sick. I would go this weekend, but I just don't have the ability. Shooting for next weekend though, and I have already told her that I will be coming. She was very happy, and said even her father didn't mind.

    If nothing else, I can apologize to her parents face to face while I still have the chance.

    For whomever asked about what she looked like now,.....she is still very attractive, and in good shape. Has she aged since those pics I had up,......of course, but better than I have BTW.[:)]

    Like many have said, most all of us have made mistakes, and done bad things. Most people move on and never see or speak to each other again.
    I have PLENTY of those situations, but this one was different.

    Since we were teenagers we have stayed in touch. I think the longest period of time without contact was about a year, and that was right after she got married, and things were good.

    After writing several mini novels, I have gotten it all off my chest, and made my decisions as to what I am going to do.

    It helps doing something like this on a forum, as you get other peoples experiences, and opinions that have no bias whatsoever like a close friend might have.
    "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here." - William Shatner
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