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I'm not happy.

skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
edited August 2015 in General Discussion
My friend who recently drank himself to near death has been in an extended care facility where they have made sure he ate solid food and got pumped full of vitamins. I was under the impression the whole point of getting him strong was to enable him to do a rehab program.I guess I am pretty naive.

Found out today they are turning him loose on Saturday armed with a list of chemical dependency program phone numbers. Far as I am concerned, this is a recipe for disaster. I have done all I could including filing a vulnerable adult report and they are still turning him loose. It is out of my hands now as I have no legal standing to do anything further. I'm just disgusted with the process and only time will tell if he survives a second attempt to hit bottom.[xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(][xx(]
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Comments

  • dunbarboyzdunbarboyz Member Posts: 2,598 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Sounds like he has one person in his corner.
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  • dav1965dav1965 Member Posts: 26,540 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    There is a thing called involuntary commitment. I dont know if you have to be a family member to do it though. Good Luck.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by dunbarboyz
    Sounds like he has one person in his corner.


    I'm trying.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by dav1965
    There is a thing called involuntary commitment. I dont know if you have to be a family member to do it though. Good Luck.


    The social worker is looking into that now. I think she or a doctor has to initiate the process. Hopefully they will let me know. With the privacy laws we have it is next to impossible to get any accurate info as a non-family member with no legal status.
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  • reloader44magreloader44mag Member Posts: 18,783 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Ski...detox first then treatment...usually they go hand in hand...I'm surprised the treatment facility wasnt decided on before he was released for what sounds like a detox facility....hmmmm
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
    Ski...detox first then treatment...usually they go hand in hand...I'm surprised the treatment facility wasnt decided on before he was released for what sounds like a detox facility....hmmmm


    From my limited understanding, he is still doing this on a volunteer basis. He was in the hospital a few days to get him away from deaths door and then he was refusing to go into extended care, like a nursing home, where he got some strength back and got his body to tolerate solid food again. I threatened to go before a judge and swear he wasn't competent to care for himself and he agreed maybe extended care was a good idea.

    I thought this extended care was to get him strong enough to participate in a chemical dependency program, but apparently at this time he would need to do it voluntarily. A few weeks of solid food, vitamins, and light exercise has him thinking he is normal again and consequently he doesn't need any dependency program.

    He wants to go home and I am hoping for a court ordered stay in some program to arrive before he leaves this extended care facility sometime saturday. I'm in a wait and see mode right now and hoping they lock up my friend. Feels strange to write this but I do believe it is what he needs.
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  • reloader44magreloader44mag Member Posts: 18,783 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Ski...Maybe ya might want to pick him up on Saturday and have a "lunch" date. Might be the best time to have a sit down talk with him and maybe he will be able to "hear" what you have to say. YOU, can't save, HIM...he has to want to help himself, it's that simple. Most people cant kick their addiction without a strong supporting cast around them...you may well be that person and he doesnt even realize it yet...good luck to the both of you....remember ..."one day at a time"....that phrase literally saved my life...and could save his[:)]
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
    Ski...Maybe ya might want to pick him up on Saturday and have a "lunch" date. Might be the best time to have a sit down talk with him and maybe he will be able to "hear" what you have to say. YOU, can't save, HIM...he has to want to help himself, it's that simple. Most people cant kick their addiction without a strong supporting cast around them...you may well be that person and he doesnt even realize it yet...good luck to the both of you....remember ..."one day at a time"....that phrase literally saved my life...and could save his[:)]


    I hear you reloader and Thanks. I have had that talk with him numerous times and will probably have it many more times. He thinks he is in control of himself and that is keeping him from listening to others around him. He says he wants to change but at this stage I still think he is lying and trying to manipulate the situation. I think I have made it clear to him I won't support any bad decisions on his part.
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  • reloader44magreloader44mag Member Posts: 18,783 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Maybe sit down with him and check out some of the treatment facilities with him on the internet...you know...some realtime interaction...maybe get a feel if he is interested at all in going to one. If not ask him why...my motivation for quiting was that I wasnt going to go to treatment or have an intervention...I am now on a lifetime probation with my wife and wouldnt have it any other way[:D]
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  • shilowarshilowar Member Posts: 38,811 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Who is paying the bill? Does he have insurance? Does it cover rehab? Someone has to pay for this treatment and residential treatment programs are very expensive. I know that in Virginia substance abuse does not qualify for involuntary commitment. Sometimes people have to take responsibility for themselves, life is hard that way. I am not unsympathetic, but realistic.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by shilowar
    Who is paying the bill? Does he have insurance? Does it cover rehab? Someone has to pay for this treatment and residential treatment programs are very expensive. I know that in Virginia substance abuse does not qualify for involuntary commitment. Sometimes people have to take responsibility for themselves, life is hard that way. I am not unsympathetic, but realistic.


    I don't know the answers to these questions. It very well may be he isn't covered and doesn't want to deplete his finances. There is no doubt in my mind that the time has come for him to take responsibility for himself. There is an additional mental health component to his predicament which may serve a purpose with involuntary commitment. I hope to find out soon.
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  • GuvamintCheeseGuvamintCheese Member Posts: 38,932 ✭
    edited November -1
    You can't make him save his own life. I recently buried a lifelong friend who just couldn't put down the bottle. It's hard to watch a friend loose all of there body mass from not eating, lose the ability to walk, and then die of liver failure. Alcohol was a stronger force in his life than the will to live. Sad.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Barzillia
    quote:Originally posted by skicat
    quote:Originally posted by shilowar
    Who is paying the bill? Does he have insurance? Does it cover rehab? Someone has to pay for this treatment and residential treatment programs are very expensive. I know that in Virginia substance abuse does not qualify for involuntary commitment. Sometimes people have to take responsibility for themselves, life is hard that way. I am not unsympathetic, but realistic.


    I don't know the answers to these questions. It very well may be he isn't covered and doesn't want to deplete his finances. There is no doubt in my mind that the time has come for him to take responsibility for himself. There is an additional mental health component to his predicament which may serve a purpose with involuntary commitment. I hope to find out soon.


    I thought you said you knew it was only a symptom.

    Involuntary anything is pointless in such situations.


    I don't know anything with 100% certainty regarding this issue. My belief is it is a symptom. This is an area where I frequently find myself out of my depth. There are several factors which have led to his present state. As has been pointed out , involuntary commitment may not even be possible in this instance. I really don't know. My hope is a professional counselor,or drug rehab may eventually have a positive effect.
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  • reloader44magreloader44mag Member Posts: 18,783 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Ski, My daughter works at a treatment facility in Burnsville...I've shown her this thread...she feels your pain. Anyways..she informed me that there is county funding for treatment if certain criteria are met, income or lack there of, being one of them.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by reloader44mag
    Ski, My daughter works at a treatment facility in Burnsville...I've shown her this thread...she feels your pain. Anyways..she informed me that there is county funding for treatment if certain criteria are met, income or lack there of, being one of them.


    Thanks again Reloader. I believe the social workers involved with his case are presenting him with options. I just don't know what they are discussing with him. It is frustrating not knowing anything that isn't filtered through several people or through him.

    Update.

    Dr says he can't be committed. He will be turned loose tomorrow. I found out he has turned down all the chemical dependency therapy at the care facility he was at. Turns out the therapy he was doing so well at was purely physical therapy and he was scamming us by pretending to be with the program.

    He has decided he is just fine the way he is and the rest of us are nuts. I guess a near death experience just wasn't rock bottom enough for him to want to change.
    I think I'm done until he shows me something different. Fool me once...
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  • spasmcreekspasmcreek Member Posts: 37,717 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    the ignorant catch 22 of the system..somebody with dependency, mental, or behavioral problems are given directions and numbers ..here ...go get your self fixed...they have to be sent, taken, led, stuffed into the right area of treatment..obviously not capable of doing this if they couldn't fix the problem on their own already
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  • Marc1301Marc1301 Member Posts: 31,895 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    As Cheese said,...you can't stop someone intent on killing themselves with booze no matter how noble your efforts.

    I hope he realizes what a friend you are.
    "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here." - William Shatner
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