Doctors visit

savage170

This woman wasn't feeling well, so she went to see the family doctor. After hearing her symptoms the doctor scheduled her for a complete physical.
Days later she returned to get the results. The doctor tells her that everything came back normal.

He asks, "How's your appetite?"

She replied, "Great! I eat like a horse."

He then asks, "Do you sleep well?"

"About 8 hours a night," she said.

"How about your bowel movements?" he asks.

"Every morning about 7:20 AM," she replied.

The doctor thinks a minute then says, "There's something going on that I can't put my finger on.
I'm going to give you an antibiotic and see if that will kill the germs

There were three germs inside listening to all of this and one of them says, "What are we going to do?"

One says, "I think I'll hide in the liver."

A second one says, "I think I'll hide in a kidney."

The last one says, "You guys can stick around if you want to, but I'm taking the 7:20 out of here."

savage170

A women accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die:
1. Each morning , fix him a healthy breakfast.
2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.
3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.
4. For dinner, prepare him an especially nice meal.
5. Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.
6. Don't discuss your problems with him.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her. "You're going to die," she replied.

savage170

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "

Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

savage170

This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his
coat.

His wife said, "Where are you going ?"

He said, "I'm going to the doctor."

And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra

pills."

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her

sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"

She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."

He said, "Why?"

She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old

thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

catgunguy

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select-fire

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danielgage

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woodshed87

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