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Wife question
Nwcid
Member Posts: 10,674 ✭
I am being quite serious here when I ask this. I am not trying to beat anyone up or make fun of them.
I see many people on here (and I know of many people) that have been married 3, 4, 5 + times.
What compels you to get married that many times/ why do it that many times?
How long were you with each woman before you married her?
Was it for religulous reasons?
Why not just be in a committed relationship?
After the 3rd time did you ever think that being married might not be for you?
I am 35 now. I got married to a girl that I had known 6 months when I was 20 years old because it seemed like the "next thing to do". I liked the girl but I was 20, what did I know about life. It lasted about 4 years. I have dated many girls since, the longest was about 5 years. I have not felt like marrying any of them, but that does not mean I didnt enjoy my time with them. The 5 year one was a solid first couple years, on and off last couple.
I am not opposed to getting married again but I would have to be pretty sure it was the real deal before I did. I dont think I would ever go for a 3rd.
I see many people on here (and I know of many people) that have been married 3, 4, 5 + times.
What compels you to get married that many times/ why do it that many times?
How long were you with each woman before you married her?
Was it for religulous reasons?
Why not just be in a committed relationship?
After the 3rd time did you ever think that being married might not be for you?
I am 35 now. I got married to a girl that I had known 6 months when I was 20 years old because it seemed like the "next thing to do". I liked the girl but I was 20, what did I know about life. It lasted about 4 years. I have dated many girls since, the longest was about 5 years. I have not felt like marrying any of them, but that does not mean I didnt enjoy my time with them. The 5 year one was a solid first couple years, on and off last couple.
I am not opposed to getting married again but I would have to be pretty sure it was the real deal before I did. I dont think I would ever go for a 3rd.
Comments
Of course some don't honor the commitment as well as others.
If something were to happen to my wife, I would most likely not marry again.
Marrage is a commitment, whereas living together is an arrangement.
I understand what you are saying. I totally agree but I am not talking about marriage #1 or #2. I am talking 3, 4, 5........ so my guess is that the comment part is not really there in the way you speak of, but I dont know so I thought I would ask.
I am comfortable with my self and don't require another to make me feel whole. I love my wife and enjoy her company, we share many interest and also have our own interest as well. We have a good comfort level and respect each others needs. I can't imagine putting that much work into another relationship.
My guess is that many seek companionship in the form of marriage. Others perhaps feel that marriage is some sort of requirement if you're to be successful.
I guess my point is you don't need multiple marriages, you just need to make the one you have work. If you're on number 3 and above you might want to take a good look at yourself and see what you're doing wrong.
my second wife was phillipino, again after getting back after the gulf storm she had to have companionship and did not think I would find out.
I am on my third, there wont be a fourth, but I have a daughter we have been married 16 yrs.. we do it, because we dont want to be alone.
because I am disabled, I wont go thru it again, she has complained a time or two, but I dont thing she wants to leave, as much as she complains. so you know, its because we dont want to be alone.
married 22 yrs done my time.
#1 Went with Girl 5 Years through High School
Got Married Lasted 15 Long Years Divorced Due to Infidelity HERS..
Waited two years................
#2 Met the best thing that ever happened to me
lived together For 12 Years WAITED Til all the Grand Kids were old Enough to Be in the Wedding .
Been Married 6 Years This August to the Best Woman God Ever Created
Because women typically demand marriage, most men wouldn't get re-married if their woman didn't demand it...
I am married, second marriage. First marriage the wife cheated and left and eventually married her Boss. This was only after 1 year of marriage. I think his wealth had alto to do with that, but that is his problem now.
I think most guys wouldn't get re-married over and over except they are lonely, meet a lady, enjoy her company, and at some point she tells him that if he ain't gonna commit she will leave, so he figures he might as well marry her in hopes that this one will actually work...
Wife is turning 60 tomorrow and she can still rock my world![:D]
The second one, I had feeling for her but it was also convenience, she had just come out of a bad relationship and was 2 months pregnant. I had a 1 year old daughter that wife #1 left me with ... it worked out OK for 6 years but we grew apart and she started driving me nutz, however now that we're divorced we can stand each other.
Decided marriage not for me.
7 years later I met "the one" ... we dated for 3 years and decided it was right; got married and had Abby 3 years after that (yeah there is 20 years between my oldest and youngest)
Now I'm living "Happily Ever After" and loving it [8D]
? otherwise, you'll find an excuse.
#2 -- Married her after being single for 4 years after first marriage. She had 3 kids and I was ready for it but she wasn't.
#3 -- After selling house in NY and moving to fl. to start new. I married #3. She was an employee of mine for 2 years and we dated for a year and a half. Marrage lasted 6 months. I won't put up with drugs to get thru the day. She couldn't get out of bed with out drugs.
#4 -- Married an older lady that had also been married to loosers and drug people. She was and is a good Christan and Sheriff officer. We have now been married for 12 years and still have not had our first big fight. I like that.
I love women and being married.
Married #1 for what I thought was true love devotion and the want of a family. She is a party girl drunk now, her sons hate her.
Married #2 for true love and devotion, raised her three kids along with my sons as my own. She got gone after I came home one afternoon and found her smoking dope on the back deck with five teens in the room below her.
Married #3 for true love and devotion. The love was true alright, it was for her ex-husband, she just wanted to use me and my money to get back with him.
I will not remarry.
I believe in God and the covenant of marriage, I have just been a glaring failure at it. I do not want to hurt like that ever again.
I think I get an A for effort and an F for choice of a mate.
I would never marry again, if something happened.
Marriage to me was kind of like getting a new car. Great while it was new. But when it started breaking down, it seemed easier to just trade it in than fix it. And I think that was pretty much the collective mindset for the majority of my generation. I know the women I was with seemed to share it. I dumped some, some dumped me. It depended on who viewed the road as being most rocky.
Looking back, I think most if not all the marriages could have been saved. Had there been the desire to try.
With my 4th marriage, I made the mental commitment to try to stick at least one out. And communicated this to my future partner to at least try to be certain I had found someone w/equal commitment. And by no means has it been easy. But I find that it seems to get easier as the years go by. In the 1st 3 marriages, 4 years was the longest. Just passed 12 on the current.
If divorced, we'd like to stay close friends if all possible. She first asked me if she was that bad that I'd never want to get married again.
Second wife (still married, going on 13 years)....well, they jury is still out. She is......a challenge, I'll leave it at that. I am the calm one, she is.....not. Nothing physical, but it has come close more than once. I'm here more for the kids than anything else.
Been Married to second wife 31 Years last June 16th to the Best Woman God Ever Created. most devoted woman i ever knew/know, she would take a bullet intended for me.
first wife after 15 years went off the deep end mentally, accusing me of all kinds of fooey, even molesting my own daughter, her family had a history of serious mental disease, her father attempted suicide 3 times, her sister almost stabbed her 1 y.o. daughter to death, her mother never knew whether today was tomorrow or last week.
1. She was only 17, and I was 24. We were both too young and didn't know each other well enough. She stayed 5 years, until we moved close enough to her mother for her to be an influence. Trash begets trash.
2. I married this one too quickly after my first divorce. This one is the mother of my two sons, so she will always have special place in my heart, even though there is no way I could ever live with her again. She is a career alcoholic, and I didn't realize it until after we were married. We stayed married for 9 years. She has been happily married to a physically abusive career alcoholic for over 20 years and I wish her well.
3. This marriage took place after about two years of what I call "behaving badly." I thought I had it this time. She had her priorities straight, or so it seemed. She put God first, then her young son, then her career, then herself. She helped me get custody of my sons from wife #2, and for that, I will always be grateful. She was a serious control freak though, and was always telling me, and anyone else she could, how to live, how to dress, how to talk, etc. I thought we had it pretty good, but one weekend, I came home from a fishing trip and found her gone. I also thought she was a pretty good money manager, but during the divorce proceedings, I discovered $80,000 in credit card debt, of which I had been blissfully unaware. This one lasted 10 years.
4. I have been with Dawnie for nearly 8 years, and we have been married, coming up on 6 years next Februrary 19. My sons are grown, and she has no children, so there are no issues there. She is a little over 16 years my junior, but we get along well, and we don't argue much. I don't think I could run her off with a stick, but if she were to leave, I don't think I would try and replace her.
I have been married four times. I like being married; I am just not real good at it, apparently. I also didn't choose well a couple of times.
1. She was only 17, and I was 24. We were both too young and didn't know each other well enough. She stayed 5 years, until we moved close enough to her mother for her to be an influence. Trash begets trash.
2. I married this one too quickly after my first divorce. This one is the mother of my two sons, so she will always have special place in my heart, even though there is no way I could ever live with her again. She is a career alcoholic, and I didn't realize it until after we were married. We stayed married for 9 years. She has been happily married to a physically abusive career alcoholic for over 20 years and I wish her well.
3. This marriage took place after about two years of what I call "behaving badly." I thought I had it this time. She had her priorities straight, or so it seemed. She put God first, then her young son, then her career, then herself. She helped me get custody of my sons from wife #2, and for that, I will always be grateful. She was a serious control freak though, and was always telling me, and anyone else she could, how to live, how to dress, how to talk, etc. I thought we had it pretty good, but one weekend, I came home from a fishing trip and found her gone. I also thought she was a pretty good money manager, but during the divorce proceedings, I discovered $80,000 in credit card debt, of which I had been blissfully unaware. This one lasted 10 years.
4. I have been with Dawnie for nearly 8 years, and we have been married, coming up on 6 years next Februrary 19. My sons are grown, and she has no children, so there are no issues there. She is a little over 16 years my junior, but we get along well, and we don't argue much. I don't think I could run her off with a stick, but if she were to leave, I don't think I would try and replace her.
Good judgement comes from bad judgement. I hope this is true for you.
I think the biggest problem is thinking with the wrong head. Sometimes age does not matter either. BTDT....maybe even doing it now.
Humans are animals even though they separate themselves from animals. One part is social and has a animal instinct to reproduce. The other part has some degree of civilization, culture and religion. There is more but that covers a lot of the reasons for both mariage and divorce.
After I calmed down a bit I have been engaged three times, and have walked from each of them after a lengthy period of time,......3 years to 7 years.
One turned into a flake, one was too young for me and I knew it after awhile, and the other has bigtime 'kid' issues.
The last one is actually a very good woman, and if it wasn't for her dysfunctional kids we would probably be married by now. She keeps trying to talk of staying together,.......while apart, until her son is 18 in a couple of years. Time will tell I guess.
At this point in my life, I don't even know if I want to be married anymore. Will be hitting 49 later this year.
I may wait until I am a few years older and try to find one that is done with the kids per se, or doesn't have any.
It's not that I hate kids, but the ones I have been involved with evidently don't have any interest in having a 'father figure',......certainly not one that demands respect and obedience anyway.
The last 7 years or so were the single biggest mistake of my life. I was attempting to stick with her and kept in mind the thoughts and feelings that I had for her, after having shared our lives and selves with one another for the first 17 or so years.
On hind sight, have learned that would have been the time to have split, to done the quits. I'd had good experiences and memories yet at that point. Did my best to be the loyal partner and stick with her and support her through her rough times. Big mistake, she wanted and enjoyed and relished the rough times ... and was there with a vengence! I was pretty ignorant ... she was devoted ... but to all the trash and garbage known.
When we divorced it was "the worst of times" but it was also "the best of times". I have never been more physically, emotionally and phsycologically spent, burnt and low ... but the sense of lightness without her weight on my neck and back, WOW! The divorce was rough for me ... but long over due.
Have had a lady in my life now for ~ years. Not married, probably for her, because she's not been married before ... for me , probably because I have been married before! There are many other things that have made it easier not to be married. And I expect that we probably will, before we die.
Would say that I am definitely not anti-marriage, no anti-single either. Believe in committed relationships (and others too for some folks). Seems like others have expressed here marriage works best for the right partners, at the right time in life for both, and strong commitment from each, that persists through all the changes in life and people.
Good marriages are about like accurate long distance target shooting! Always many, many variables ... and at times too beautiful to describe!
I can understand getting out of a truly bad situation, drugs, cheating, abuse and moving on. My question was more toward the need to married vs committed relationship.
I never said I would not do it again, just that I am much pickier. I do understand things happen though.
For you guys that say never, I dont know if I would do that. I know a guy that is 96 now. Was married to one woman till she passed when he was about 90. He got remarried last year at 95.
Eternal romanticism (true love, devotion, etc) over riding practical experience.
Congrats to those that seem to have finally found true love the 3rd or 4th time.
...just say'n.
Hope I'm above, and beyond what I've just written. Joe
I am mighty afraid you have entered the age to where it will be hard to find a woman that does not have kids. You will not find out how they were raised though until a lot of time has passed,.........beware, and also know exactly what the situation is with the biological father![:D]
Once again I don't dislike kids, I just don't like my life being run by them, nor do I like disrespect when I am the one paying for most of their needs. Some of the females today let kids get away with anything and everything,......they just wanna be friends to their kids, instead of a real parent.
Others have such a hard time getting by that they had to let things slide I guess, but it USUALLY ruins a kid. You come into the picture, and attempt to do anything differently than what they are used to,.......well, you are a 'bad man.' They like what they are accustomed to I guess.
John,......much of it also has to do with your personality, age, and what you will or will not tolerate.
I am mighty afraid you have entered the age to where it will be hard to find a woman that does not have kids. You will not find out how they were raised though until a lot of time has passed,.........beware, and also know exactly what the situation is with the biological father![:D]
Once again I don't dislike kids, I just don't like my life being run by them, nor do I like disrespect when I am the one paying for most of their needs. Some of the females today let kids get away with anything and everything,......they just wanna be friends to their kids, instead of a real parent.
Others have such a hard time getting by that they had to let things slide I guess, but it USUALLY ruins a kid. You come into the picture, and attempt to do anything differently than what they are used to,.......well, you are a 'bad man.' They like what they are accustomed to I guess.
You sure do speak the truth here.
Lucky my current GF has a good handle on her 2. I am kid free.
most women would have left me. She's stuck by my side and are still
best friends. I decided years ago that if something split us up,
I'd not re-marry.
quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
John,......much of it also has to do with your personality, age, and what you will or will not tolerate.
I am mighty afraid you have entered the age to where it will be hard to find a woman that does not have kids. You will not find out how they were raised though until a lot of time has passed,.........beware, and also know exactly what the situation is with the biological father![:D]
Once again I don't dislike kids, I just don't like my life being run by them, nor do I like disrespect when I am the one paying for most of their needs. Some of the females today let kids get away with anything and everything,......they just wanna be friends to their kids, instead of a real parent.
Others have such a hard time getting by that they had to let things slide I guess, but it USUALLY ruins a kid. You come into the picture, and attempt to do anything differently than what they are used to,.......well, you are a 'bad man.' They like what they are accustomed to I guess.
You sure do speak the truth here.
Lucky my current GF has a good handle on her 2. I am kid free.
I wish you good luck, or I should say better luck than I have had.[;)]
There is a huge difference between having a child of your own, and attempting to step into a broken family.
I actually think I would have done well raising a kid of my own, but the time for that has passed. I don't blame anyone for that, I was too busy having fun, and then working at my business after that stage.
I have no desire to be in a wheelchair trying to play catch with a kid of my own at this age![:0][:D]
Men marry women hoping they never change ...
... Women marry men hoping they will change.
Usually both are wrong.
? otherwise, you'll find an excuse.
...Have 33 years under our belts. There have been rough times when
most women would have left me. She's stuck by my side and are still
best friends. I decided years ago that if something split us up,
I'd not re-marry.
pretty much sums it up for me too
Marrage is a commitment, whereas living together is an arrangement. If my wife of 30 years and I were not married, we would not have made it for 30 years. There have been many rough times, without the commitment of marrage it would have been easy to walk away and not put in the necessary work to solve the problems.
Of course some don't honor the commitment as well as others.
If something were to happen to my wife, I would most likely not marry again.
Yep..
I met my wife in 1979! We dated a few times. She married someone else, I wasn't looking to get married. Stayed friends. After she divorced in 1992 (her ex was fooling around), we kind of got back together. I married her in 1997. My first marriage, I was 42 at the time. Wouldn't trade her for a harem of 20 year olds!!!!!!
Waited 10 years til I got married again--in the meantime I did have a lot of fun but nothing serious til I met my current wife. We're celebrating our 2 year anniversary in 2 weeks and we have twin 9 month old girls so life is good.
If for whatever reason this marriage didn't work I would never get married again.