A few short jokes

savage170

The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they
would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

****

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down
the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

****

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should
get used to the idea.

****

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're
in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives." Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

****

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to
you?" The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a million
dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny." Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."
****




Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
Will Rogers

There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators.
Will Rogers

savage170

Walking 20 minutes can add to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend
an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.


I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing..

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound.
Apparently you have to actually go there.

The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say,
'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

Men are like fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them
in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with.

savage170

Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?

Student: The wrong answer.


Little Susie, a five year old, complained: "Mother, I've got a stomachache."

"That's because your stomach is empty," the mother replied. "You would feel better
if you had something in it."

That afternoon her daddy came complaining that he had a severe headache all day.

Susie perked up: "That's because it's empty," she said.
"You'd feel better if you had something in it."




An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here, muh house is on fahr!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"

savage170

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years."
"Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."

Horse Plains Drifter

[:D][:D]

AzAfshin

[:D][:D][:D]

glyn

[:D]

Mr. Perfect

Hmmm, nothing that makes fun of short people at all. Misleading title!