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Things to Ponder...
retroxler58
Member Posts: 32,693 ✭✭✭
PONDER'ISMS (something to think about)1- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
2- There are two kinds of pedestrians ... The quick and the dead.
3- Life is sexually transmitted.
4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
8- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9- All of us could take a lesson from the weather... It pays no attention to criticism.
10- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
11- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say...
13- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
14- Why does the OB-GYN leave the room when women get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
16- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, olive oil from olives...
17- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
18- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
19- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
20- Do you ever wonder why we are all members of this forum...?Just a few things to think 'bout... [;)]
Have a GREAT DAY!!! [^]
2- There are two kinds of pedestrians ... The quick and the dead.
3- Life is sexually transmitted.
4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
8- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9- All of us could take a lesson from the weather... It pays no attention to criticism.
10- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
space
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.11- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
12- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say...
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'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?
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And... Then... How about eggs ? [B)]13- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
14- Why does the OB-GYN leave the room when women get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
16- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, olive oil from olives...
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Then WTH is baby oil made from?17- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
18- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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Why do we always do it then... ??19- Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
space
Yet stick to your fingers, the table, the part that's NOT to be glued, the...20- Do you ever wonder why we are all members of this forum...?Just a few things to think 'bout... [;)]
Have a GREAT DAY!!! [^]
Comments
[;)][:D]
If con is the opposite of pro......... is Congress the opposite of progress?
[;)][:D]
Evidently.
What did they do, drop the phone and run away?
22- Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
23- Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
24- Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
25- Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
27- If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor...
28- Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
29- Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
30- How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
31- If a store is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
32- If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
33- If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
34- If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
35- If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
36- Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
37- Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
38- Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards as it is forwards?
39- Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
40- If a black box in a plane is indestructible, why can't they make the whole plane out of it?Just a few more things to think about...
Enjoy your day!!! [:D]
If con is the opposite of pro......... is Congress the opposite of progress?
[;)][:D]
Constitution.....Prostitution
[:D] This is a good one! My wife doesn't think we are as funny as we think!
At least my wife is correct... We're angry ol'farts that jus'like to have fun. [:D]
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
[;)][:D]
42- Why is it so hard to remember how to spell 'mnemonic'?
43- If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
44- Why was it called a TV "set" when you only got one?
45- Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
46- Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
47- Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
48- Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
49- Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
50- Why call it a building if it's already been built?
51- Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
52- How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
53- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
54- Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
55- If the front of your car says 'DODGE', do you really need a horn?
56- What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
57- When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
58- Does fuzzy logic tickle?
59- Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
60- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?Now... Make it a better day... Today!!! [^]
34- If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
Had to think about that one a minute!
You guys are killin me[:)][:D][^][8D]
Jus'tryin' to make it a... BETTER DAY! [;)]
62- Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
63- Why call it "take" a dump, when you leave something behind?
64- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
65- Why do we call it a hot water heater if the water is already hot?
66- If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
67- If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
68- How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
69- If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
70- Is there another word for thesaurus?
71- Is the color orange called that because it's the color of the fruit of the same name,
72- After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
73- How can there be self-help "groups"?
74- If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
75- If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
76- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
77- Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
78- Is there another word for synonym?
79- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
80- Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?Make it a... Wondrous... Happy Easter DAY!!! [^]
i was waiting for that one.......[:D]
tom
quote: Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
i was waiting for that one.......[:D]
tom
You know it had to be sooner or later... [;)]
More Ponder'sims to consider...81- It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
82- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
83- Why is a pear called a pear when there is only one?
84- What do they pack Styrofoam in?
85- Why did God give men nipples?
86- Is grass really greener on the other side?
87- Do boxer shorts box?
88- Why do women wear a pair of panties and only one bra?
89- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
90- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
91- Why is it called a "near miss" when you don't hit something?
92- When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs?
93- Before the light bulb was invented, what appeared over peoples heads when they had an idea?
94- If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated?
95- If a vegetable goes into a coma, is it called a person?
96- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
97- Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?
98- If you wear an antennae to a wedding, would the reception be better?
99- Why is abbreviated such a long word?
100- If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to?Have a great week... [;)]
I plan to! [^]
And fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit
While sifting through my ashes
Some will fall in love with life
And drink it from a fountain
That is pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain
I had to copy and paste to share with some friends and relatives. Again, Trista is not fascinated...oh well!
To each their own... [;)]
My wife thinks MUCH of what I believe to be funny... Simply stoopid. Oh well...
102- Why is there an 's' in lisp?
103- If you were scared half to death twice, would you be 3/4 dead or 100% dead?
104- If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
105- If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
106- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest end up drowning as well?
107- What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
108- If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
109- If you asked a librarian where the books on self help were would they tell you, or would that defeat the purpose?
110- If ATM stands for Automatic Teller Machine, why do we call it an ATM machine?