I?m going to heaven

wallie

Back when I was in catholic school, when you couldn't eat meat on Fridays, women wore hats in church and you couldn't touch the Holy Sacraments.
I was told.
I'm going to hell.

I was an altar boy in 5 grade and before Mass I drank the Holy Wine and deluded the Holy Wine with water to cover my crime.
At Mass the wine tasted weak to the priest and under furious interrogation the truth came out.

Years later at a picnic I told a Priest that they will have to make a bigger Hell because now everyone drinks the wine and touches the Sacramental Host at Mass.

He said, I'm not going to Hell, because that is a man made law.

I fooled a lot of people thinking I'm going to hell.

tapwater

..As the saying goes: Heaven won't have me and Satan's
afraid that I'll take over.

Ray B

There were three guys at the Pearly Gates. On review of the books Saint Peter told each that they were on the "conditional" list. When the proble3m was reviewed it turned out that each was in arrears of the Tithes $2000. And that in order to get into Heaven they had to make good on the debt. They were sent to Purgatory pending payment. A fellow that was behind them in line came up to St Peter and on checking his name, was free to enter Heaven. Once in Heaven a fellow approached him and said that he was expecting a friend of his. The new-to-Heaven fellow responded that the friend may have been one of the three in front of him; and that one of them had just pulled out his billfold and with two $1000 bills paid the debt but of the other two, one had Saint Peter down to $750 while the other one was searching for a co-signor.

searcher5

I was raised a Baptist. Our only rules were "Don't let the preacher catch you drinkin' or smokin', or slippin out behind the barn with Eva Jane."

I was a good baptist, too. I never let the preacher catch me!!!!!

Came close, once. Beered up real good, on a horse drawn wagon. Here comes the preacher wanting a ride. Fella in the middle, Eddie, says "Here comes the preacher!"

Fella with the reins, Earl, says "HYYYAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Man, I reckon that preacher chased us near three blocks before he winded himself. Nobody could say that man wasn't windy!

True story.

Dan

Spider7115

quote:Originally posted by Ray B
There were three guys at the Pearly Gates. On review of the books Saint Peter told each that they were on the "conditional" list. When the proble3m was reviewed it turned out that each was in arrears of the Tithes $2000. And that in order to get into Heaven they had to make good on the debt. They were sent to Purgatory pending payment. A fellow that was behind them in line came up to St Peter and on checking his name, was free to enter Heaven. Once in Heaven a fellow approached him and said that he was expecting a friend of his. The new-to-Heaven fellow responded that the friend may have been one of the three in front of him; and that one of them had just pulled out his billfold and with two $1000 bills paid the debt but of the other two, one had Saint Peter down to $750 while the other one was searching for a co-signor.

Man, you really "politically corrected" that joke! [:0][;)]

NeoBlackdog

quote:Originally posted by searcher5
I was raised a Baptist. Our only rules were "Don't let the preacher catch you drinkin' or smokin', or slippin out behind the barn with Eva Jane."

I was a good baptist, too. I never let the preacher catch me!!!!!

Came close, once. Beered up real good, on a horse drawn wagon. Here comes the preacher wanting a ride. Fella in the middle, Eddie, says "Here comes the preacher!"

Fella with the reins, Earl, says "HYYYAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Man, I reckon that preacher chased us near three blocks before he winded himself. Nobody could say that man wasn't windy!

True story.

Dan

[:D][:D][:D]Good story!
I've been told that the difference between Catholics and Baptists is that while the Catholics use wine and wafers on Sunday morning, the Baptists use Jack Daniels and beer nuts on Saturday night! [;)]