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court joke
savage170
Member Posts: 37,566 ✭✭✭✭
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did not remember every single detail of an automobile accident. While the lawyer knew that no witness has a perfect memory, he had honed a skill in exploiting minor inconsistencies and lapses of memory in order to challenge the credibility of honest witnesses. After a series of scathing cross-examinations, he was looking forward to his examination of yet another witness.
'Did you actually see the accident?' he asked.
The witness responded with a polite, 'Yes, sir.'
'How far away were you when the accident happened?'
'I was Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarters inches away from the point of collision.'
'Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarter inches?' the lawyer asked, sarcastically, 'Do you expect us to believe that your memory is so good, and your sense of distance is so precise, that months after the accident you can come into court and give that type of detail?'
The witness was unphased. 'Sir, I had a hunch that some obnoxious, know-it-all lawyer would ask me the distance, and would try to make it seem like I was lying if I could not give an exact answer. So I got a tape measure, and measured out the exact distance.'
'Did you actually see the accident?' he asked.
The witness responded with a polite, 'Yes, sir.'
'How far away were you when the accident happened?'
'I was Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarters inches away from the point of collision.'
'Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarter inches?' the lawyer asked, sarcastically, 'Do you expect us to believe that your memory is so good, and your sense of distance is so precise, that months after the accident you can come into court and give that type of detail?'
The witness was unphased. 'Sir, I had a hunch that some obnoxious, know-it-all lawyer would ask me the distance, and would try to make it seem like I was lying if I could not give an exact answer. So I got a tape measure, and measured out the exact distance.'
Comments
"Why can't this case be settled out of court?" the judge asked.
Pete looked up at the judge and said, "That's what we were trying to do, your honor,
when the police interfered."
His lawyer demanded to know just how BIG was this sign? Looked at my notebook, gave them the dimensions. When he asked how did I know the sign was EXACTLY 48 inches wide- told him I used a steel tape measure, and wrote it down in my notebook.
No further questions, your honor!
[:p]
Not a joke- I was the arresting officer- drunk driver had run down a steel sign, got his car stuck.
His lawyer demanded to know just how BIG was this sign? Looked at my notebook, gave them the dimensions. When he asked how did I know the sign was EXACTLY 48 inches wide- told him I used a steel tape measure, and wrote it down in my notebook.
No further questions, your honor!
[:p]
Lawyers not very good. Your not supposed to ask a question of a witness on the stand that you don't already know the answer to. quote:Originally posted by 11b6r
Not a joke- I was the arresting officer- drunk driver had run down a steel sign, got his car stuck.
His lawyer demanded to know just how BIG was this sign? Looked at my notebook, gave them the dimensions. When he asked how did I know the sign was EXACTLY 48 inches wide- told him I used a steel tape measure, and wrote it down in my notebook.
No further questions, your honor!
[:p]
A standard interrogation rule. But lawyers get carried away by the sound of their own voices.
Margaret Thatcher
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
Mark Twain
I was in court one day on a traffic ticket for a sign violation. This guy actually hired a lawyer for the case. The lawyer went out to the location and took pictures of the signs in question, but he took them from a spot on the "side" of the road where they were partially blocked from view. He presented these to the judge.
I then whipped out my 8X10 color glossies taken from on the road where a driver would be viewing them from. It was a guilty.