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Anger and hurt
Big Sky Redneck
Member Posts: 19,752 ✭✭✭
This may not be the place to talk about this, hell I know it aint the place but I need to vent real quick about a personal issue.
I send my wife $700 every two weeks, automaticly deposited into her bank account. She has a job making roughly $300 per week. I pay all the major bills, car payments, mortgage for her house and so on. We are seperated She has little bills.
Other problems aside and her spending habits aside even though this may be part of the problem. I still get emails from Vonage when she gets voice mail, I'm not spying but the Vonage account is in my name, not hers. I have been noticing voice mails from my youngest sons school, most of the time Vonagew cannot transcribe the voicemail. I just see the call from the school and that there is a message.
I am going to post a message I got today that was transcibed. The words are wrong, grammar is wrong but this is what you get when a computer puts your words into print. It looks stupid but you get the point of what the person who left the message is saying.
quote:"Hi this is a nice school District. I'm calling about tennis lunch account balance. It's a balance of $8.65 that is. I wants to reaches $10. We had to serve an alternative meal. That would consist of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich fruits, vegetables, milk. Thank you. Bye"
I called the school and asked what this was about. My wife it seems has problems paying for his lunches, this has been an ongoing problem. My son will not go to school and have to eat an alternate lunch!! That has got to be humiliating!!
I took care of the problem, I paid his lunches for the rest of the school year.
Right now I am furious, shaking mad. I have screamed some things at the wall that wasnt very nice.
This has been a problem my entire marriage, money problems. Broken dreams, ruined plans, almost 6 years of contracting in the middle east and most of the money gone. I am bailing myself out of as jam she put me in while I am buying me a new home.
The last friggin thing I need to worry about is my boy not having lunch money!! I get no emails from her, no friggin updates, nothing! I have emailed her asking the staus on my daughter. The last I heard she was in jail.
I am not a bad person, yes I have a temper but I am not a bad person.
I gave my life to that woman, every dime went into a join account, she controlled it and she spent it.
it is onyl this past year I took control of my finances and my life. I have a plan and am executing it.
My new house is a short sale, I'm still waiting on the current mortgage holder to sign the agreement but hopefully soon they sign it and I can close, my bank is ready to close and they have my DP and closing money. After that my next plan is to retire from contracting by Christmas 2012 and Kenny is moving in with me.
Right now it just seems like I am fighting a losing battle with that woman. I am providing her with more than a court would force me to provide AND SHE STILL CANNOT PAY BILLS!!!!
Sorry for making you read this, venting at the wall does me no good. All the screaming I did a little while ago has my throat sore as the devil and I cannot quit shaking.
Sure this may not seem like a good reason to get upset but it is the final straw that has the horses back ready to break. She has a long long history of this bullsnot and I am tired of it!
I send my wife $700 every two weeks, automaticly deposited into her bank account. She has a job making roughly $300 per week. I pay all the major bills, car payments, mortgage for her house and so on. We are seperated She has little bills.
Other problems aside and her spending habits aside even though this may be part of the problem. I still get emails from Vonage when she gets voice mail, I'm not spying but the Vonage account is in my name, not hers. I have been noticing voice mails from my youngest sons school, most of the time Vonagew cannot transcribe the voicemail. I just see the call from the school and that there is a message.
I am going to post a message I got today that was transcibed. The words are wrong, grammar is wrong but this is what you get when a computer puts your words into print. It looks stupid but you get the point of what the person who left the message is saying.
quote:"Hi this is a nice school District. I'm calling about tennis lunch account balance. It's a balance of $8.65 that is. I wants to reaches $10. We had to serve an alternative meal. That would consist of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich fruits, vegetables, milk. Thank you. Bye"
I called the school and asked what this was about. My wife it seems has problems paying for his lunches, this has been an ongoing problem. My son will not go to school and have to eat an alternate lunch!! That has got to be humiliating!!
I took care of the problem, I paid his lunches for the rest of the school year.
Right now I am furious, shaking mad. I have screamed some things at the wall that wasnt very nice.
This has been a problem my entire marriage, money problems. Broken dreams, ruined plans, almost 6 years of contracting in the middle east and most of the money gone. I am bailing myself out of as jam she put me in while I am buying me a new home.
The last friggin thing I need to worry about is my boy not having lunch money!! I get no emails from her, no friggin updates, nothing! I have emailed her asking the staus on my daughter. The last I heard she was in jail.
I am not a bad person, yes I have a temper but I am not a bad person.
I gave my life to that woman, every dime went into a join account, she controlled it and she spent it.
it is onyl this past year I took control of my finances and my life. I have a plan and am executing it.
My new house is a short sale, I'm still waiting on the current mortgage holder to sign the agreement but hopefully soon they sign it and I can close, my bank is ready to close and they have my DP and closing money. After that my next plan is to retire from contracting by Christmas 2012 and Kenny is moving in with me.
Right now it just seems like I am fighting a losing battle with that woman. I am providing her with more than a court would force me to provide AND SHE STILL CANNOT PAY BILLS!!!!
Sorry for making you read this, venting at the wall does me no good. All the screaming I did a little while ago has my throat sore as the devil and I cannot quit shaking.
Sure this may not seem like a good reason to get upset but it is the final straw that has the horses back ready to break. She has a long long history of this bullsnot and I am tired of it!
Comments
Prayers sent.
And fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit
While sifting through my ashes
Some will fall in love with life
And drink it from a fountain
That is pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain
Oh yeah, KEEP ALL YOUR RECEIPTS!![;)][;)]
Take Charge Man, and God's Speed!
[:)]
Tell her that you are going to pay this certain bill, that certain bill, etc..
Tell her that you are going to send her x amount of money each month and that is it.
She can piss and moan all she wants but your amount is your amount.
She has proven that she will bleed you dry if you let her.
But I would make it very clear to her that if you find out that she is neglecting any responsibility regarding your son then there will be Hell to pay. No matter how small.
You are trying to be all things for everyone. You cannot. Be the man for your son (as you already are). But, forget about trying to keep the peace with her also. You are paying all of the bills so she came go by your rules or she can get a job and forget about you sending the money.
She is working you and she knows it.
Just my simple opinion.
quote:"Hi this is a nice school District. I'm calling about tennis lunch account balance. It's a balance of $8.65 that is. I wants to reaches $10. We had to serve an alternative meal. That would consist of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich fruits, vegetables, milk. Thank you. Bye"
I called the school and asked what this was about. My wife it seems has problems paying for his lunches, this has been an ongoing problem. My son will not go to school and have to eat an alternate lunch!! That has got to be humiliating!!
What is humiliating about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? I like them!
Lonnie, on these very boards when you were making your plans for the overseas contract work there were a large number of people who told you not to go off to the Middle East, including a few that said that it might well ruin your marriage. You had most of the same issues when you came back from the first contract yet you decided to go back again and of course they issues only became worse. Now you are separated from the woman but you are still trapped. Unless you come home and physically pay the bills yourself then there is not much that can be done to improve the situation with the finances. As long you are sending the woman money you'll be fighting a losing battle with the idea that she will use it responsibly.
That is probably not what you wanted to hear, but I think that it is the reality of your situation.
if the child(ren?) is/are responsible enough to handle it, give them the difference directly.
you're letting the ex call the shots and it would appear she isnt up to the challenge. time to take back control.
I'm also glad that you vented at the wall and some here too!
You got some great suggestions ffom some of the folks here that can identify with what you are experiencing ... and your feelings, including the frustration, disgust and anger.
Believe near everything is covered by:
Mr. Perfect
dennisnielsen
KEVD18
RogueStatesman
When I got divorced, I was told to pay my ex "shut up money" because we used the same lawyer. She could have went back from the DAY we separated and asked for support, even though I had been willfully paying her a set amount of money every week. That money could have been considered a "gift" and she could have went after support from day one.
My advice to you is, talk to a lawyer. All this money you have been giving her MAY be considered a "gift" and she may well go after you later for rearage of support. She sounds like the type that would.
That rearage may hose your finances pretty bad.
Sorry about your situation. She sounds like another baby maker that thinks her hole is a goldmine. She doesn't care about the kids, just the income they bring her.
Right now you are depending on her to keep up with everything and let you know when you are needed. When soon you will be the #1 person to keep up with it all. You are lucky you have some time to get prepared and get your mind wrapped around it all....
Looking at what I take care of and Larry knows NOTHING about is school lunches, when report cards are due, when any and all sports are signed up for and what equipment we have to buy, getting everyone to and from the extra mess they participate in, spring break, fall break, Christmas break, dental checkups, orthodontist checkups and balance due on Liam's braces, Karen's permit test is coming up for her driver's license, any medical appts for the kids or dogs, the buddies and various drama that enters in when you have them over....there is a lot more, but you get my point.
Try not to get mad, just go ahead and deal with everything you would if she weren't in the picture. You are a great parent for watching out for your little man!!! I would love to see a picture!
My little man is currently standing in front of me asking if he can throw away some of his Dad's stuff that he left in the kitchen....I'm tempted to say yes, but I'm saving the crap (even though I'd love to see some of this mess go away!)
Get the best lawyer you can find and fight now cause you are going to have to in the end and i mean the best damn lawyer money can buy I have been there
+100
And good on you for covering the kid.
But, There is a lot more to running a household than sending money.
Maybe you make all kinds of bucks overseas, that's great.
But you want to be a real dad, and take care of your family, you need to be there too.
Communication is the key. Speak to the child 1st then the wench.
Take it from there. Secret to success is not to let it hurt you.
If it hurts you she wins.
Be cool! Trust in God 1st.