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Went to my first Alanon meeting

skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
edited July 2015 in General Discussion
tonight. I'm glad I went. Met some good people and was able to gain some perspective. I have been losing friends to alcohol and drugs lately and it did me some good to talk with others facing some of the same issues. There is another meeting at a different church tomorrow and I think I'll attend.
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Comments

  • pulsarncpulsarnc Member Posts: 6,556 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Good for you I used to go with my ex father in law to AA meetings on occasion . Gives you some perspective to hear some of the stories
    cry Havoc and let slip  the dogs of war..... 
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  • NOAHNOAH Member Posts: 9,690
    edited November -1
    good for you and hang in there[:)]
    i quit it all about 2 years ago
    hope the best for you
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  • txlawdogtxlawdog Member Posts: 10,039 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I have been to them before also. It really does help to have someone who has been right where you are. It is refreshing to know you are not alone.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    2 days ago I convinced/threatened/encouraged my friend to get into a program. I came to find out he was living on alcohol and was nearly dead. He is now in a care facility which will help him regain his strength enough so he can enter a treatment program. He is in there voluntarily and if he decides to leave he could still screw it up and end up dead. My other friend is still running around loose pretending to be normal. That train wreck is still in the works. Got some good advice tonight on how to avoid getting sucked in to other peoples messes.
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  • GuvamintCheeseGuvamintCheese Member Posts: 38,932 ✭
    edited November -1
    I just lost my friend to alcohol. RIP Scott! He made it 52 years but the vodka finally killed him.
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  • mnrivrat48mnrivrat48 Member Posts: 1,707 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    My nephew was 37 when he passed from liver failure due to alcohol.

    I was married to an alcholic & Drug addict . Went to Alonon for a while . I found in my case I could not just ignore, or live with the behavior it brought. I finaly divorced my wife and finished raising my children alone.
    I wasted a lot of years trying to help her and get the help she needed. Several times thru treatment centers, etc.

    I would try attending the meetings. It has helped many , I didn't find it of much help to me as it generaly promoted ways of trying to live with the problem person . Trying to do that for me was a waste of what should have been some of the best years of my life.

    Good Luck to you.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by mnrivrat48
    My nephew was 37 when he passed from liver failure due to alcohol.

    I was married to an alcholic & Drug addict . Went to Alonon for a while . I found in my case I could not just ignore, or live with the behavior it brought. I finaly divorced my wife and finished raising my children alone.
    I wasted a lot of years trying to help her and get the help she needed. Several times thru treatment centers, etc.

    I would try attending the meetings. It has helped many , I didn't find it of much help to me as it generaly promoted ways of trying to live with the problem person . Trying to do that for me was a waste of what should have been some of the best years of my life.

    Good Luck to you.


    Thanks. I see what you are pointing out about promoting living with the problem person. My situation is a bit different as I don't live with either of my friends who are alcoholics.
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  • ChrisStreettChrisStreett Member Posts: 3,847 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Living/being associated with one wrestling with alcohol/drugs can be an incredibly stressful and destructive experience. I applaud you for taking the step to try Al-anon. The perspective you gain can be very enlightening. Please, always remember, try as you might, you can only point someone in the right direction and support them best as you can. Aside from that you end up eating yourself alive from within attempting to "make them better". There comes a point though where you need to realize that only the individual can ultimately make the choice to seek help. Try as you might you can't "fix" them. That, they must do on their own. If you reach a tipping point where the individual's problem begins to have serious effects on you and your life, sometimes, hard as it can be, you may need to step back before you too get eaten up by the disease of another. I wish you well...it's a long and bumpy road.
    "...dying ain't much of a living boy"-Josey Wales
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  • OakieOakie Member Posts: 40,565 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Keep going and keep going and keep going. I quit eight years ago by myself, with no help. It was hard, but i did it. Now i am watching a close love one killing themselves with alcohol and they won't live much longer. This one is going to hurt. [V]... PLEASE DON'T QUIT. PLEASE. We have your back. Oakie
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  • select-fireselect-fire Member Posts: 69,521 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    best of luck with it.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    I really appreciate the support everyone is giving me. I do need to be clear about this so you guys understand. I am attending Alanon meetings to try and understand what is happening to my friends and thereby maybe be of some assistance to them.

    I realize the stakes are high for both of them and so I am taking this seriously. While I will admit I have issues to work on, substance abuse is not one of them. My motivation is to learn more about this problem so at the very least I don't make matters worse for them.

    Barz, you are exactly right about it being a symptom. For different reasons, each of them is reacting to fear and using chemistry to cope. Fear is the common thread I have identified so far.
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  • navc130navc130 Member Posts: 1,264 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Keep going to meetings until you fully understand the meanings of CONTROL and YOU DON'T OWN THAT PROBLEM. Then use the program to understand what YOU need to do to live your life without being manipulated by the user.
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  • OakieOakie Member Posts: 40,565 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Skicat, I have found that they can only help themselves and they have to hit rock bottom to figure it out. When they either end up in jail or dead or kill someone else, that will be their rock bottom. Chris Streett and I have been having this discussion for about a year. He has given me some really good advice, but i only half listened to him because of the situation I am in. He is a good man to talk to and is one hell of a listener. His life experiences are what sets him apart from some of us. If Chris is willing to help you out, I would seek his knowledge and see what he has to say. Oakie
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by ChrisStreett
    Living/being associated with one wrestling with alcohol/drugs can be an incredibly stressful and destructive experience. I applaud you for taking the step to try Al-anon. The perspective you gain can be very enlightening. Please, always remember, try as you might, you can only point someone in the right direction and support them best as you can. Aside from that you end up eating yourself alive from within attempting to "make them better". There comes a point though where you need to realize that only the individual can ultimately make the choice to seek help. Try as you might you can't "fix" them. That, they must do on their own. If you reach a tipping point where the individual's problem begins to have serious effects on you and your life, sometimes, hard as it can be, you may need to step back before you too get eaten up by the disease of another. I wish you well...it's a long and bumpy road.


    Thanks Chris.

    Last year I stepped away from my oldest friend. His behavior was sucking my life in a direction which was unacceptable to me. He shed tears and apologized profusely but in the end he chose alcohol over a 35 year friendship.

    This second friend kind of came out of the blue, but in hindsight I guess i knew it was coming. I got him to agree to continue to get help but soon realized I had no clue how to proceed. That's when I went to the meeting.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Oakie
    Skicat, I have found that they can only help themselves and they have to hit rock bottom to figure it out. When they either end up in jail or dead or kill someone else, that will be their rock bottom. Chris Streett and I have been having this discussion for about a year. He has given me some really good advice, but i only half listened to him because of the situation I am in. He is a good man to talk to and is one hell of a listener. His life experiences are what sets him apart from some of us. If Chris is willing to help you out, I would seek his knowledge and see what he has to say. Oakie


    Thanks Oakie.
    I am hoping this is rock bottom for my friend #2. Any lower is dead. If he doesn't make use of this opportunity I don't believe he will make it.

    Friend #1 is a train wreck in progress. no telling when that one will crash.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by select-fire
    best of luck with it.


    Thanks Select-fire.
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  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431 ✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by navc130
    Keep going to meetings until you fully understand the meanings of CONTROL and YOU DON'T OWN THAT PROBLEM. Then use the program to understand what YOU need to do to live your life without being manipulated by the user.




    Thanks. I plan on going to some more meetings. I want to get a handle on this. I am hoping this guy's family doesn't try and push this recovery effort onto me. I have all ready made up my mind to stick to my boundaries.
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