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Can you depend on family?

mlincolnmlincoln Member Posts: 5,039 ✭✭✭
edited March 2015 in General Discussion
I sat down and got to thinking if I could depend on my family for help if a truly large crisis loomed, like if there was a catastrophic accident or if I needed their support for a long period of time, like a month.

The answer was mixed. Of the four living members of my family, the answer was 0 absolutely yes, 1 probably, 2 maybe, and 1 no. When I thought of my friends, the answer was better. If the three very close ones, it was 1 absolutely yes and 2 probably.

Sitting here thinking about it, that's depressing. My sister would probably send a check, but as for coming and helping me, she just would never do that.

Comments

  • hillbillehillbille Member Posts: 14,459 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    just went through this with my mother, got no help from sister and brother till it was time to divide the house.....[xx(][:(!]
  • steve45steve45 Member Posts: 2,940 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    No help. They all rely on me.
  • dcs shootersdcs shooters Member Posts: 10,870 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    No help from mine [xx(]
    They don't know I exist now [:(]
  • He DogHe Dog Member Posts: 51,593 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    My closest living relative is a 90 year old aunt. Some cousins absolutely would help, though I cannot imagine asking.

    Maybe I would end up like a lot we see here, in the median panhandling for funeral money, because the entire family don't have or won't give enough to bury a member.

    My close friends all buy guns, they are too broke to help.[:p]
  • Rack OpsRack Ops Member Posts: 18,596 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I believe most people are inherently good, for the most part.

    The problem is that they will all also, almost without fail, justify anything to meet their own ends.

    They also, for the most part, won't take any steps to prepare for any potential crisis.


    As to your question of whether you can depend on your family for help in a crisis....I believe the answer is "yes", so long as you have food, water, and shelter to spare for them....for they will almost certainly bring nothing of their own.
  • Smitty500magSmitty500mag Member Posts: 13,623 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    For the adult part of my life I've never had to ask for help and I wouldn't now at 65 years old no matter what the circumstance.

    I believe in the "neither borrower nor lender be" way of life. Nothing destroys a friendship like a bum that won't return what he's borrowed or tears it up without replacing it.
  • mlincolnmlincoln Member Posts: 5,039 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Smitty500mag
    For the adult part of my life I've never had to ask for help and I wouldn't now at 65 years old no matter what the circumstance.

    I believe in the "neither borrower nor lender be" way of life. Nothing destroys a friendship like a bum that won't return what he's borrowed or tears it up without replacing it.







    I agree with you and I have tried to live my life that way too. I have for the most part, and while a lot of that is due to hard work there is also I must admit a fair amount of luck in there.

    A lady at work has a daughter who was on the right track. She's out of college, starting her career, good job, apartment, headed on her way. Then her daughter in a terrible car wreck. She survives, but is sort of an adult child. She is about a 4 year old in a grown woman's body and always will be.

    The lady I work with has taken her back into her home and puts her in a sort of day care during the day and picks her up at about 5:00 PM. She will always have to care for her. She talked to me about it and told me that she fears for what will happen to her daughter when she is gone.

    What is the meaning of family if we can not turn to it in our time of need?
  • 44pinshooter44pinshooter Member Posts: 1,051 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Family is / are strange.
    Had this talk with my wife several times.
    Who could we count on if needed? My family, except for my one sister, who is not even my sister as she was adopted, would help. As for the rest of my family, they never wanted to know the bible reading, gun toting country boy at all. I am the redheaded step child, outside looking in. Guess that happens, went you are a teen age kid growing up in a house full of left wing, pro-abortion, dem-o-rats voting, gun hating family. They couldn't believe that I would question THEIR life choices and went out on my own.
    My wife's family is SUPER. Country folks. Good people, who would and have helped me.
    Also blessed with a couple of friends, that would be there in a flash if I called for help, as I would for them.
    You can pick your friends, but not your family.
  • bpostbpost Member Posts: 32,669 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    It takes a different sort of mindset to care for a loved one; you either have it or you don't. Most people do not have it, including family and friends. I do not hold that against them folks are made differently for a reason.
  • kimikimi Member Posts: 44,719 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Absolutely, including the help from cousins I haven't seen in a *'s age.

    Added: The key issue here has to do with the degree and type of help needed for like about a month as mentioned. That and weather or not the family member(s) are qualified to help someone who has had a catastrophic accident. A lot of variables would figure in with one being the means for the individual to support himself while being assited by family.
    What's next?
  • lew07lew07 Member Posts: 1,053 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I have friends who I would turn to before some of My family.I would also help those friends in any way they ask.I feel a little sad to say this but I cant hide from truth
  • MobuckMobuck Member Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I'm basically the patriarch of the family with only a half brother still living(he's 83 so can barely manage himself). My older Son is close by but has a job that keeps him away from home 2-3 days most weeks. His wife can barely handle herself and 2 kids so don't count on her. Daughter could help but only a week at a time due to her own family/job. Younger Son is blind, has a job, and lives 40 miles away so his help would be limited. I do have a couple of cousins(one of which I raised) that would help me if I asked but they're 45 miles away. Beyond that, I'm on my own.
    For a long term illness, I couldn't even count on my (so called ) spouse.
    I keep telling the "boys" that one day, they're going to be the ones everyone turns to rather than me but if they're hearing, it's not sinking in.
  • Mk 19Mk 19 Member Posts: 8,170
    edited November -1
    Without a doubt my family would be their to help. In fact that is happening with my SIL right now. She has some financial issues that are not of her own creation, so the family has all come together to pay for her car payment and to keep her daughter in a great private school. Last year my nephew's car suffered from a catastrophic death, so we all got together and rented a car for him to get back and forth to work for 2 weeks, that was just so we could find him a good reliable and cheep car that we bought for him. People wonder why I stay in CA, it is because of my family, we are a very large family and we are very close, how could I possibly leave them?
  • randomnutrandomnut Member Posts: 942 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Absolutely. My family is very tight. Except for two aunts and a couple cousins, all my family live within 20 miles of me, and all but 4 of them within 5 miles.

    I often think about folks who are alone, with no family or friends around. For me, a guy who sees most of his family everyday, I feel sorry for those who don't.
  • ChrisInTempeChrisInTempe Member Posts: 15,562
    edited November -1
    The test is a bit unfair to my relations as most anyone I could have ever depended on, I have outlived. After that, there are darned few above the sod that I would associate with if I could.

    In any case, generally speaking, from early teens onward I was the one being depended upon. Still am.

    You do what you can and what you must. The rest is beyond you and you just have to learn to let it go.
  • 1BigGuy1BigGuy Member Posts: 4,033 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Can you depend on family?

    Probably, but I hope I never have to ask to find out.
  • yblockheadyblockhead Member Posts: 947 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    You can choose your friends, but not your family.
  • NavybatNavybat Member Posts: 6,849 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    This is such a depressing thread... [:(]
  • OakieOakie Member Posts: 40,565 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Tight family here. My sister would be here before the medics and me likewise[;)][;)][;)] The two of us are inseparable and have always had each others back as well as my parents. My family is great like that. My dad always made sure we were a tight knit group. Oakie
  • mogley98mogley98 Member Posts: 18,291 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Once again Lucky or blessed I can count on my sister and brother, Mom, daughters and Mostly wifey.

    Along with at least one good friend.
    Why don't we go to school and work on the weekends and take the week off!
  • texaswildmantexaswildman Member Posts: 2,215 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Unfortunitely, we have had a couple of bad things happen. I didn't have to ask, my family and friends just showed up....
  • Ford 23Ford 23 Member Posts: 3,129
    edited November -1
    Can depend on my son, possibly my daughter and son in-law. Cant depend on friends--hell they are all dead I'm a lone survivor
  • fideaufideau Member Posts: 11,895 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Like someone said, they mostly rely on me. Most of the time they seem to forget that I am 69 years old, have had quadruple by pass, Peripheral Artery Disease , diabetes, bad back and knee, .....etc.
    A couple of them might offer to help, but would just get in the way.
    Haven't spoken to my last surviving sister in over a year since she was an azzhole when we were selling our mother's house.
    Most of the friends I had have died, or live too far away.
    So I can depend on my wife, and two sons. That's about it. But all I have needed so far.
  • WarbirdsWarbirds Member Posts: 16,937 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    If I asked for something they would be there or do it.
  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431
    edited November -1
    My family can be counted on for big stuff but we don't spend a lot of day to day time together. My sister was once describing how her daughter felt about me and it choked me up in a good way. She said, "She'd walk through fire for you." I feel the same way about her.
  • armilitearmilite Member Posts: 35,490 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    My family probably, her side 5 out of 6 no's for sure.
  • ChrisInTempeChrisInTempe Member Posts: 15,562
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Navybat
    This is such a depressing thread... [:(]


    Well ... yeah ... Some threads are best ignored.
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