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cowboy joke
savage170
Member Posts: 37,552 ✭✭✭✭
Cowboy goes into the saloon, orders a coke and a Bucket of beer, takes the beer out to his horse, and he drinks the coke,, little time goes buy, and he orders another coke and a bucket of ber, takes the beer to the horse and he drinks the coke.. bartender said "hey buddy why dont you drink the beer,"? Cowboy, says "You kidding, I gotta drive"..
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pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a
dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan
sunglasses and a YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy,
'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your
herd, will you give me a calf?' Bud looks at the man, obviously a
yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers,
'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook
computer,connects it to his Cingular
RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he
calls up a GPS
satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to
another NASA satellite that scans
the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo .
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and
exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image
has been processed and the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet
with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a
response.Finally,
he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cow boy and
says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves.' says Bud.
He watches the
young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young
man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is,
will you give me back my calf?' The young man thinks about it for a
second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're a Congressman for the U.S.Government', says Bud. 'Wow!
That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?' 'No
guessing required.'
answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want
to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked.
You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't
know a thing about cows ... this is a herd of sheep. . .
Now give me back my dog!
A cowboy was captured by the indians one day. He was brought before the chief who said, "Cowboy, you have three days to live. However, I give you three wishes. What is your wish today?" Cowboy replies, "I want to see my horse."
They bring him his horse and he walks up to the horse and whispers in the horse's ear. The horse takes off and returns a couple of hours later with a good looking blonde on its back. The blonde hops of the horse and goes into the cowboys tepee. The chief looks at tribe and says, "Huh, typical stupid white man, only three days to live and only thinks of one thing."
The next day the chief brings the cowboy before the tribe and says, "Cowboy, you have two days to live, however you still have two wishes. What is your wish today?" The cowboy says, "I would like to see my horse." Again, they bring him his horse and again he whispers in the horses ear and the horse leaves. The horse comes back a couple of hours later with another woman on its back. She hops of the horse and goes to the cowboys tepee. The chief looks at the tribe and says, "Huh, typical stupid white man, only two days to live and only thinks of one thing."
The next morning, the chief brings the cowboy before the tribe and says, "Cowboy, this is your last day to live, however you still have one wish. What is your final wish?" The cowboy says, "I would like to see my horse." They bring him his horse and he grabs the horses ear, twists it and shouts, "Bring the posse, I said bring the posse!!!"
Hunt with your son today instead of hunting for him tomorrow.
He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.
"ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go...what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.
When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
Capt. Jack Sparrow.