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Damn, never even suspected ...
ChrisInTempe
Member Posts: 15,562 ✭
... it was the Gerbils all along. The Rats took the rap on it, but the Rats were just an easy patsy, a scapegoat. A complete put up job from the very beginning.
I don't care what anybody says, it was them damned Gerbils what did it!
I don't care what anybody says, it was them damned Gerbils what did it!
Comments
http://grist.org/list/your-pet-gerbil-is-plotting-your-death/
Richard Gere said it was the gerbil did him in.
Yeah, I heard that one. After that, was never quite able to watch "Pretty Woman" the same way again ...
Here's another person had a "Gerbil Moment"
http://forums.GunBroker.com/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=647723
But that's off topic. I'm talking a Cold Case has been solved!
The Gerbil's did it!
http://gizmodo.com/the-black-plague-was-probably-caused-by-cute-gerbils-n-1687642189
Even so, there are those who continue to be upset about it. Doesn't matter that it didn't really happen, they do forget or forgive!
Some even take precautions...
Doesn't help that April Fool's Jokes like this are staged on poor, defenseless, gullible little gerbils every year:
Well, all that's a shame but with this new discovery, Gerbil Sympathy is liable to wane a bit.
quote:Originally posted by toolmaniam
Hmm, Gerbils and cardboard tissue tubes. Who would of thunk it?
Dammit, you beat me to it!
Funniest joke EVAR!!!
Ain't google grand?
Flaming Gerbil
Flaming projectile gerbil--Actual article from the LA Times
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the Gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his samesexual partner Andrew (Kiki) Farnom, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a * session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in." he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking that the light might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnom suffered first and second degree burns to his * and lower intestinal tract.
TOP 11 SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY
11. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum." - Good start.
10. "As usual,Kiki shouted out "Armageddon" - They do this frequently? (Or, at least they have done this more than once).
9. "So I peered into the tube." - I'm sorry, but that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at the sun.
8. The poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being shot out out the guy's * like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.
7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's *. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's tunnel of love.
6. People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas in their rectums.
5. This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are those Mormons? I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
4. "First and second degree burns to the *." Wouldn't this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell of a burning * must be in the top five most horrible scents on the face of God's green earth.
3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for: "Idiotic men who shove rodents up their butts."
2. What kind of hospital would hold a press conference on this?
1. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, * sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well Doc, it's like this. You see we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this cardboard tube...
BWAAAHAAhahahahahahahahahahahaha
The man responsible for starting the notorious Richard Gere gerbil rumor in the early '90s finally apologized to the actor Monday night for creating the urban legend that still haunts Gere to this day. Wayne Matthews, a 35-year-old mechanic from New Mexico, attended the Hollywood Film Awards where Gere was being honored with the Lifetime Achievement Award and begged for forgiveness for spreading the rumor that Gere was once rushed to an emergency room to have a gerbil removed from his body after a kinky sex act went horribly awry.
Richard Gere and "gerbil rumor" creator Wayne Matthews moments after Gere accepted his apology.
Richard Gere and "gerbil rumor" creator Wayne Matthews moments after Gere accepted his apology.
When Gere heard the confession, the famous pacifist and Buddhist became enraged and attempted to strangle Matthews before being restrained by the night's other award winners Ben Affleck and Quentin Tarantino.
"I got more grief from people over the years for that stupid gerbil rumor than I did for making `The Mothman Prophecies,' " Gere told Hollywood & Swine. "And Cindy Crawford divorced me because she wanted a pet but couldn't trust me with one."
Gere said his worst moment came when he attended the premiere of Disney's 2009 family film "G-Force," but was ordered to leave by security after audience members refused to watch a movie about guinea pigs with Gere in the audience.
For years Gere blamed Sylvester Stallone for starting the malicious rodent rumor, but Matthews insists Stallone is innocent and that he's responsible. According to Matthews, the origin of the gerbil rumor began back in his hometown of Albuquerque in 1991 when the teenaged Matthews told it to his best friend to see how gullible he really was. Matthews even went as far to convince his friend that the traumatic shock of the gerbil removal was what caused Gere's hair to go prematurely gray.
Before Matthews knew it, the Richard Gere gerbil rumor spread across America and damaged the actor's reputation forever. Matthews kept his silence and lived with his guilt for over twenty years, until he heard about Gere receiving his Lifetime Achievement Award and decided it was time to finally make amends.
After calming down, Gere officially accepted Matthews apology and told him it's time they both put the dreaded gerbil rumor behind.
"I'm a Buddhist so I have to forgive," Gere said. "It also means I believe in reincarnation so I'm hoping Matthews dies and comes back as a gerbil while I'm still alive."
- See more at: http://hollywoodandswine.com/man-who-started-infamous-richard-gere-gerbil-rumor-finally-apologizes/#sthash.FTylaw3x.dpuf
The Armageddon Radio broadcast.
You have to listen to truly appreciate The Gerbil Problem.