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Sunday jokes
savage170
Member Posts: 37,569 ✭✭✭✭
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church.
"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
A Pastor in Florida lamented that it was very difficult to get his message across to his congregation. "It's so beautiful here in the winter," he said, "that heaven doesn't interest them. And it's so hot here in the summer that hell doesn't scare them."
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, (with trailing cord) and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
A Pastor in Florida lamented that it was very difficult to get his message across to his congregation. "It's so beautiful here in the winter," he said, "that heaven doesn't interest them. And it's so hot here in the summer that hell doesn't scare them."
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, (with trailing cord) and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
Comments
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WHY DOESN'T GOD ANSWER?
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her preacher father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day she asked him why.
"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his mesages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me to preach a good sermon."
"Well then, how come He doesn't do it?" she asked.
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MORE FUN YELLING
After a church service on Sunday Morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit and listen."
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LETTER TO GOD
A Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday.
One little boy wrote, "Dear God, We had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there."
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PLAY BALL
A father took his 5-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game.
Then the father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY BALL!!!"
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GIVE HIM THE MONEY
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
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A GOOD POINT
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"