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Captan Hook walks into a

asopasop Member Posts: 9,031 ✭✭✭✭
in General Discussion
second hand store :#
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  • Ricci.WrightRicci.Wright Member Posts: 5,127 ✭✭✭✭
    OH BODY PART JOKES. That's a good one.

    What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?

    Your spine
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  • jimdeerejimdeere Member, Moderator Posts: 26,292 ******
    Charlie had a wooden eye. He wanted to go to the dance but he was afraid someone would make fun of his eye. He summoned up his courage and went anyway.
    He spotted the hair lipped girl sitting in the corner, walked over to her and asked “Would you like to dance?”
    ”Would I? Would I?” she said.

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  • grdad45grdad45 Member Posts: 5,382 ✭✭✭✭
    While standing in line at the market, a shapely young lady next to me had a shirt with "Guess" printed on the front. I said, "Implants?" Got slapped for that!
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  • Butchdog2Butchdog2 Member Posts: 3,834 ✭✭✭✭
    Spine ;)
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  • Henry0ReillyHenry0Reilly Member Posts: 10,892 ✭✭✭
    What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?
    Eileen.
    What do you call a Japanese girl with one leg shorter than the other?
    Irene.
    I used to recruit for the NRA until they sold us down the river (again!) in Heller v. DC. See my auctions (if any) under username henryreilly
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  • Nanuq907Nanuq907 Member Posts: 2,551 ✭✭✭✭
    edited August 2020
    What do you call the guy who lives in the pile of leaves?
    Russel.
    What are the names of the two guys who live above your windows?
    Curt and Rod.
    What's the name of the guy with no arms and legs out swimming?
    Bob.
    (I *love* Boy Scouts humor)
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  • brier-49brier-49 Member Posts: 7,106 ✭✭✭✭
    What's the name of the guy with no arms or legs on your porch??

    Mat

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  • jimdeerejimdeere Member, Moderator Posts: 26,292 ******
    What does a hair lip German Shepard say?
    “Mark! Mark!”
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  • NeoBlackdogNeoBlackdog Member Posts: 17,301 ✭✭✭✭
    What is the name of the leper in your hot tub?
    Stew...
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  • Bubba Jr.Bubba Jr. Member Posts: 8,303 ✭✭✭✭
    Jimmy and Bobby went to Billy's house and knocked on the door. Billy's mom came to the door and Jimmy said "can Billy come out and play ball with us?" Billy's mom said, "now you boys know that Billy was born without arms or legs". Jimmy said "that's OK we want to use him for second base".
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  • Merlinnv12Merlinnv12 Member Posts: 1,365 ✭✭✭✭
    What did the fish say when he swam head first into a concrete wall?





    Dam!
    “What we’ve got here, is, failure to communicate.”
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  • TRAP55TRAP55 Member Posts: 8,292 ✭✭✭
    edited August 2020
    A young lady I know, lost her right arm below the elbow in a bad car accident. An avid shooter, we helped her to learn how to shoot left handed. Last Xmas she was a wearing a new sweatshirt. On the front it had, "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed".
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  • hillbillehillbille Member Posts: 14,463 ✭✭✭✭
    had a friend who lost his legs to diabetes and was in wheel chair, never stopped his drinking though, one time while the whole bunch was up in mountains camping they decided to go to another camp to drink/swap stories so they loaded him and his wheelchair up in the back of a pickup truck and took off about half way there somehow he rolled backwards hit the tailgate and over and out in the road, the guys inside didn't miss him for mile or so. when they went back found him in the middle of road bloody and bruised, had a hel. of a time getting an ambulance there and did eventually get him to hospital. 

     after he healed up a few months later he had a shirt made up showing a wheelchair falling out of the back of a pickup with the inscription "  I do my own stunts "  He never lost his sense of humor.........
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  • Merlinnv12Merlinnv12 Member Posts: 1,365 ✭✭✭✭
    A guy walks into a bar and sits down with dog who has no legs. Guy next to him asks “What’s your dog’s name?”.
    The guy replies “ He has no name”.
    Other guy says “What do you mean he has no name. All dogs have a name”.
    “He doesn’t need a name. He can’t come if you call him!”.




    “What we’ve got here, is, failure to communicate.”
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  • MrMag00MrMag00 Member Posts: 532 ✭✭✭

    What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

    Nobody knows.
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