Being the Bigger Man
Every time I go out to the bush and spend time away from 24/7 politics on the TV, the radio and the Internet, it's like taking a time machine back to a few years ago, before social media polluted the landscape. People out there care about putting food on the table, feeding their dogs, and keeping the house warm so the pipes work. That means their lives are more "fundamental" for lack of a better word. It also means they have to get along, and they have to deal with each other in a civil manner. If there's an implied insult or a harsh word, it's confronted and put to rest face to face. A handshake is icing on the cake.
As patriarchs in our households, and likely our close communities, how can we bring that culture back home? Our neighborhoods, towns and cities are in desperate need of it. I don't think "desperate" is too strong a word.
How can we be the bigger man? How can we set the example? I don't think it can happen if we don't know the people around us. We'd have no influence. So let's start there.
If you don't know your neighbors, it's damn time you did. Next time you see them outside, walk over, stick your hand out to shake, and say hi. My name is Bob, I've seen you around here forever and never took the time to say hello. It's good to have you for a neighbor. Smile, and expect nothing back, maybe learn their name. You made the first move, you set an example.
Next time you see something that needs done, do it. Your neighbor is plowed in again from the fricken inconsiderate snowplow? Go over with a hand shovel and fix it. Quietly. Nobody needs to know. What matters is the considerate deed is done. Maybe someone sees you... all the better. Maybe they'll try it with their neighbor. Again, you set the example. THAT is your reward.
When you see your neighbor, put on a smile even if you don't feel like it, and call them by name. "Hey Jim!" and wave as you go past. They'll be amazed you remembered their name, and they'll try to remember yours. Maybe they'll call YOU by name next time. If they do? You're succeeding.
Bring something small over to your neighbor. "Hey, there's a football game this afternoon, my buddy gave me a case of this good beer, I can't afford the calories (grunt and pat your belly)" and hand him a 6-pack. "Enjoy the game!" and head back home. Now you're being just a little forward, just a little pushy, you're pressing out into peoples' lives just the tiniest amount, being kind and expecting NOTHING in return. Next time you see the neighbor, don't even mention the beer. It never happened, it was nothing. Because, in the grand scheme of things, it WAS nothing. Sure, you intruded a little. You set the example... maybe they'll reciprocate and intrude back just a little. You hope.
It was a small kindness, it was the first planks in a bridge being built. Those things should be happening all the time between us and our families and our neighbors. Once you know them a little, you can do these things. Even if, especially if, they don't reciprocate. Your reward is doing something nice for someone else, period. Get in the habit, and set the example. Be the bigger man.
Society is lost one soul at a time. Society is rebuilt, one soul at a time.
Comments
I was right up there with ya, till you said I had to give away my beer!!!!!!!!! tain't gonna happen
I run my snowblower all the way around the block, when I have to get it out. It is just as easy to go all the way around especially since I have to go from my garage in the alley and around the corner to the front of my house anyway.
I really like to go out to get my snowblower . . . and find out that someone else has already gone all the way around the block with their snowblower. It is kind of a contest to see who gets up the earliest in the morning to clean the sidewalks . . . all the way around the block.
On the other hand, I don't drink alcohol - beer included. 😉
It would be very difficult to reverse the trends established by 3-4 generations of "ME, ME, ME".
I don't know you, how or where you live but I do understand what you're saying. I've lived in the same rural community all my life as did my parents and Grandparents. There are a few of us with this distinction(fewer every year BTW) who see the influx of the younger, more transient generation shuttle in/out without much or any community attachment as a bad omen but not much that can be done.
We have a very nice Community Center funded and built by community members in the 1970's and improved/maintained by many of the same families for almost 1/2 a century. Carry in meals, family re-unions, pre/post funeral family gatherings, a bi-weekly hometown music performance, holiday festivities--these are all part of the community.
I'm considered a "village elder" so if you are what your moniker indicates, you know what that means. You probably also know that when the younger folks would rather play games on their phone or are in perpetual "message mode", taking an interest in the rest of the world is lost.
On the other side of the coin is what I've seen from folks with nearly the same connections I have with the community. A mile up the road is a house occupied by the Grandson of an older coupe whose family has owned the land and lived there for almost a century. The older folks passed away and the Grandson inherited the farm. The older folks and my family were friendly in a very civil sort of way--not huggy, chummy but civil. The Grandson's family is snooty and aloof with no real interest in neighbors or being a part of anything. Fast forward to 2020 and Grandson decided to build a hog confinement building. No comments to the other neighbors. No justification. No apparent concern about how his decision would affect anyone else. Construction crews destroyed the county road, parked in the county road, displayed total disregard for the other residents of the area and in general made an absolute nuisance w/o any regard for others. The Grandson's response was cold and callous and unapologetic. Forevermore, I will NOT do anything that might help, benefit, or assist his life in any way. SHMG
There are still some of us left who believe in the Golden Rule, however it is the media as you described especially social networks such as Facebook and Twitter in concert with government schools that has spawned many of the polar opposite.
Counterculture; to include disdain for our great county is an art with these people.
Even worse is the silencing and censorship of all conservative values. Trump was right when he said the media was the number one enemy of the people.
That's something I watched my dad do for years until I got big enough to run the blower myself. I think he was happy to turn over the controls by then!
Now, it's my excuse to buy a newer/bigger blower every few years. 🤣
If my "Neighbor" sports a Joe Biden/Harris for POTUS sign in his yard, he will not be receiving any "Bigger Man," gratuity from me. They are the Problem, and in no way not part of the Solution.
Those of like bent, will get my Support and Help. Otherwise, they can all KMA.
Just like "They" would all come over and offer Support and help of any kind, to a White Conservative Republican who supported POTUS Trump, and Still considers him the duly (on a level playing field) Elected POTUS of the United States of America.
Joe Biden is NOT my President. YVMD.
Right there with you..a lot of people are to Stupid to see that our country was stolen..
Years ago I was a camp counselor at a summer camp. We were in groups of 15 or so, and part of the activities was competitions in various things, as well as divvying up the duty roster. There were crazy ways to win extra points for your cabin, and at the end of the week we'd see which cabin had accumulated the most points, to "win". It was great fun. Bonus points to the cabin whose Counselor would eat a mosquito sandwich... I don't know how many of those I ate that summer.
Each week I'd set up the schedule so my cabin would have lunch setup on Monday and Tuesday. You know, putting out the plates and condiments and stuff in the mess hall. Then on Weds I'd make sure my guys saw the other cabin in there doing it. Then Thursday morning I'd be all sneaky while we were doing some project and I'd say "Hey guys, you know that setup we did?" They'd all groan and roll their eyes. Then I'd drop the bomb... "How about we go in there early today and do the setup for the other cabin, and NOT LET THEM KNOW ABOUT IT?! Let's see if we can get away with it." A couple boys would groan but the rest would buy in, and pretty soon we're sneaking up to the back of the mess hall, being quiet, we'd sneak in the back and quickly set the whole thing up, then run like hell before anyone saw us. Then we'd make sure we were within earshot of the mess hall when the other guys showed up to do their chore, and get the vicarious thrill of watching them come out all confused and astounded that someone did them a kindness, with no idea what it meant.
I never talked with the boys about what it meant, but they were pretty smart. Yes they had a leg up on the other team, yes they should have got credit for it, but getting that credit was nowhere near as good as knowing they'd done something bigger, better and beyond the call of duty. It wasn't a superiority thing, it was an honor thing. For most of them they'd never experienced those thoughts before and I could see the light coming on in their eyes. Then on Thursday and Friday they were coming to me with ideas for things we could do for other campers, and I started getting ready to eat another mosquito sandwich, so they could earn points to make up for the ones they were freely giving away.
It's not about feeling superior to someone else. You don't hold a door for a lady because she's a lady, you do it because you're a gentleman.
Thought mosquito sandwiches were just a part of life up there. I had my share and I was just a tourist.
Yeah we're not talking the one puny little mosquito covered by an inch of peanut butter. These kids were motivated. They'd let themselves get bit so they could pull off a big fatty full of blood. They had dozens of those in the freezer and by the end of the week they'd pour all those stiff dead engorged bugs between two slices of bread. I found that a BIG squirt of ketchup between the slices made it go down a lot easier.
Got some snow - again - last night. Started at The Armory and then moved home. I went a little "above and beyond" this morning and did the block . . . well half of the block . . . on the other side of the street.
Then . . . . . it happened.
My machine started to make funny (not funny - Ha! Ha!, but funny - That's odd?) noises.
Now I am not sure if I should just buy the new part for less than $15 - or make one - cuz that is the way I roll. Either way, I hope it doesn't snow soon. 😥
Bushings? Troy-Bilt? I have the Beast from Troy-Bilt with the tracks and 30" width and monster engine, and it just eats those bronze bushings. I replace them and all my shear pins in the Fall and I'm good to go.
But there's this gorgeous Ariens 30" blower on sale down at Lowes, 25% discount, and it has monster augers. My Troy-Bilt has like 12" augers that are useless in 24" of new snow, so I'm thinking I really really need this new Ariens.
Just think of how much bigger I can be of the Bigger Man! I'm sure there's a way to justify this..............
Just a tiny little Toro single stage - no auger, shear pin, or "monster" anything.
The little nylon scraper broke and is being eaten by the "paddles". Not very favorable reviews on the replacement parts available . . . so it looks like I will try building one in The Shop today. My idea is either aluminum or possible solid surface countertop scraps.
It is just an idea . . . and a challenge.
I hear ya @US Military Guy
My elderly mom and sister recently moved to a little town in Idaho and some nice guy from their church was helping them with their cars and clearing snow. They had a pretty good snowfall over the area and he was out shoveling yesterday at his home and dropped dead of a heart attack.
There's another ongoing topic here about "Do you have a guardian angel?" and I fully believe someone is hearing God's whisper in their ear to step in there and see if they need help. I think a lot of us guys are motivated by that, whether we realize it or not.
Many folks make the claim that men need a "purpose" in life. That it's in our DNA. It makes me wonder, maybe we just have ears fine tuned to God's voice? He tells us in James 1:27 to care for widows and orphans. I think He's just pointing out opportunities as they come along, it helps us fulfill what he desires for our lives, and the people around us.
So are we being "the bigger man"? Or are we being the image of his Son in this world? Do we want the credit for what happens? Or would we rather God gets the credit?
6' john deere blower on three pt. Also 7 ft blade on tracked skidsteer. Too old to be wrestling a small one.
About 90 miles west of the divide.