People, their reasons and excuses....RANT
bpost
Member Posts: 32,669 ✭✭✭✭
I have known my lady friend for over 8 years now. The one thing I can rely on is her EXCUSES (not reasons) for lateness, not showing at all or some other bull snarky. It is always 100% medical related. Be it the one day "flu" going around that I never heard of or she ate some food that made her puke (yea, right).
She is utterly, completely unreliable for anything one should be able to rely on.
It hit home hard about 5 years ago when she PROMISED to stay at my house while I was away on a three day business trip. She was to clean my home, care for the chickens and feed the cats, I was paying her to do it, paying her very, very well. The crux was she was supposed to stay here.
I got home unexpectedly about 5 hours early, my home was not cleaned, she had not been here AT ALL, eggs were butt deep on a 10 foot lumberjack in the chicken nests. My cats were out of food. She showed up 3 hours later having the same medically related excuse she always uses about some lame illness or another.
I could list 50 other times she has pulled this sick crap as an excuse for not being where she said she would be at the time she said she would be there.
I bought the pontoon boat, bought her a fishing pole and closed face fishing reel she likes and planned with her for all week for her to go fishing with me today. She was to arrive at my home at 7:30AM this morning. At 6:30 she texted saying her dog had puked green crap and she was not going to make it fishing. I had a cooler loaded with fresh bait, the boat ready and she pulled this crap for the last time. I even bought a portta-pottie for her to use on the toon.
She is a pretty lady, getting to the "large Marge" size in the past few years. An awesome cook, frugal beyond human understanding and never says swear words (unlike me). But, she is totally, completely unreliable.
What drives me NUTS is I can't stand being late, EVER unless I am in the hospital or dead. She is never, ever on time for anything, EVER. I used to go to her family functions but stopped because nothing was ever on time. If I am told we will eat at 1:30-2:00 I will skip lunch to not spoil the meal. Showing up early to help she still was futzing around with one more dish at 4:00. To hell with that last dish, I wanna EAT. Screw the darn thrice cooked rice with whatever sauce the recipe called for. Put some crap on the table, we will make do.
Now I am getting texts from her about fishing tomorrow! Well I am going fishing come hell, high water or a darn Hurricane. I am going alone, I am alone a lot but NEVER lonely. She can stay home in her poverty and be late for some other function with yet another medical excuse.
How you guys and gals stay married or with a significant other for many years and decades is beyond my understanding; I salute you all that have done it. I can't deal with the BS.
Comments
...IF I had made it to the time she lied about house sitting...that would have been the end of of it...there are some people you cannot afford to know...
My bride of 53 years is so obsessed with being on time that she sets all of the clocks 15 minutes fast. Only correct time in the house is my wrist watch. well, not counting the phone and the computer. I agree, late is a bad, bad, habit.
Sounds like you answered your own question. Good luck to you.
my wife was the same way, great person in many, many ways but totally unreliable. having spent 21 years in the military i know the importance of being on time and responsible. i feel your pain man.
I can tolerate a lot, but chronic lying is a deal-breaker for me.
It sounds like that may be the reason she's single.........😉
"Never do wrong to make a friend----or to keep one".....Robert E. Lee
Wow bpost , that would drive me crazy. Far be it for me to suggest but perhaps a new lady friend might be in order. There are a lot of ladies out there that are good cooks and dependable.
😕
I HATE to be late! My wife has been left at home more than once when we were supposed to be somewhere at a certain time. We live 25 minutes from her hairdresser, and she will leave 10 minutes before her appointment. I worked at my last job 33 years and only late to work 2 or three times, once due to a tornado touching down between me and the plant. Our 53 year old daughter is worse than her mother. If we want her to be at our house at 6:00 for dinner, I tell her to be here at 5:00, and we MIGHT eat at 6:15. Wimmens can sure try your patience!
It appears you have put up with it for 8 years! Don
sorry to hear I could deal with the last minute back out on trips, I would not be happy but what ever now a real game changer however especially the part where she failed to take care of your animals and house .. sorry that would have been the end of the friend ship
sounds like you know my SIL 😁sounds a little like her (except the pretty part ) she has her own time zones and likes , any thing else or one is just wrong if they do not go along with her way and look up a illness pick one ,any one , and my SIL photo will be under it some where 😮 if its out there she has it or about to get it
Being late? Yeah some people are just idiots when it comes to anticipation and prep time. I’ll cut them slack. I was late.... once. 🤣
But don’t you ever lie to me. Ever. The entire sum of your character is resting on a foundation of being truthful. Everything else about you is tied up in whether you tell the truth, and I won’t trust you as far as I could throw you if I catch you in a lie.
Being truthful is absolutely fundamental.
I would rather be 15 minutes early (or more) than ONE minute late.
Wife agrees. Can't remember that last time we were late for ANYTHING.
And I will not put up with it from others.
Had a guy working for me, he was great and on time for over a year.
One day he was late, I left, went to work without him.
That was the last time he was late.
I don't know how you have put up with this kind of behavior for over 8 years???
Oh, and as a rant - I would give it a 7 1/2.
The only way I would have put up with that BS for eight years is if she had "hidden talents"! Maybe if the "hidden talents" were truly amazing "hidden talents" I would change the situation to when I wanted to avail myself to those "hidden talents" I would go to her place. Bingo. No more waiting on her to show! JMHO!
There are way too many single ladies out there to put up with that kind of crap. Time to throw her back and go fishing for a better one. Good Luck.
BTW, I'll be married 51 years in September, and we get along fine. They are out there, you just have to keep looking. 😉
Joe
Late is stereotyping here is usually the norm for women, most not all.
The deal breaker would be the house sitting. Last straw, I fint care what she cooks, does in bed or lays golden eggs, that would be over no out. there are SO MANY women out there it would be a smorgasbord if you try it.
"I got home unexpectedly about 5 hours early, my home was not cleaned, she had not been here AT ALL, eggs were butt deep on a 10 foot lumberjack in the chicken nests. My cats were out of food. She showed up 3 hours later having the same medically related excuse she always uses about some lame illness or another."
I would have dumped her right then and there. Can't stand being lied to. Can't stand a flake. In case you haven't noticed, there are lots of women out there.
Send her pics of the new woman .. maybe fishing..
Believe it or not, you may also have some sort of personality flaw she puts up with.
Sounds like your decision might have been 5 years too late.
I will confess that it is a 80/20 chance I will be on time for something. 80% of the time I am punctual. 100% of the time I will be there and carry through with my stated purpose.
Punctuality is not a deal breaker in my eyes; saying you will complete a task, dueces (out of here).
I agree with the others. Time for a new fishing partner.
When I tell my wife I want to leave at 6 she takes it as "Start thinking of moving toward the door at 6". If I want to leave at 6 I tell her 5:50. Then we are wheels up at 6. Problem solved. Otherwise she is pretty punctual. She would never EVER shirk the responsibility of caring for someone's home/critters/kids.
Referring to your lady friend, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice........."
I have known my, she who shall be obeyed, since 1988, when I was 18, and she was 15.
She, and her whole family were on their own time table.
If I'm only 5 minutes early, I'm late, in my eyes.
Now, many decades later, I have her convinced to at least be on time for stuff.
Baby steps.
Liars will always lie.....it is a habit or defense mechanism to deflect blame for their actions....
I have no time for such folks.
Sorry for your situation. Time to have a long talk with yourself and determine what is in your best interest and act accordingly.
I just wish you the best
I agree with William81 plus it's also sometimes a form of passive aggression.
😕
A woman I dated 20+ years ago saw no problem with telling lies. Some were obvious, but you didn't really know about the rest of the time. Otherwise it could have been a good realtionship. I couldn't live with that, good by.
If I say I'm going to do something, I do it. Yes, I may be a few minutes late, but I get there.
I read your post again. Punctuality isn't the issue. Respect is the issue. Anyone who would shirk the responsibility of caring for your home, your animals, while accepting money for the tasks doesn't respect you.
Bingo
I would have dumped her sorry a** that day.
After being blessed and going on nearly 48 years of marriage to the same gal, I cannot even imagine what the big pond of available women looking for love is like today. I can say with a bit of experience from my 4 sons love lives that the younger ones are mostly aliens from other planets. A few of them come close to devouring their mates!
Sorry for your issues with her Bruce and all those years vested into such a partner. About all I can say is at my age if I was to (God forbid) lose my wife, I'd find what time I have left ALONE.
bpost posted;
It hit home hard about 5 years ago when she PROMISED to stay at my house while I was away on a three day business trip. She was to clean my home, care for the chickens and feed the cats, I was paying her to do it, paying her very, very well. The crux was she was supposed to stay here.
I got home unexpectedly about 5 hours early, my home was not cleaned, she had not been here AT ALL, eggs were butt deep on a 10 foot lumberjack in the chicken nests. My cats were out of food. She showed up 3 hours later having the same medically related excuse she always uses about some lame illness or another.
If you were bed ridden and unable to care for yourself if she was paid to care for you would you be cared for or found dead later?
Hope the fishin' is good, Bruce!
Now you know why I cooled off our relationship progression 7 years ago. I am happy alone but still care a lot for other people less blessed than myself. I would go out of my way to offer a flight to someone that wanted to fly but had no means to do so. I will invite folks fishing just to make their day a bit brighter.
All I ask is that you show up about the time you are supposed to where you are supposed to show up. If you want to toss a few bucks into the gas tank, no amout too little that is fine, but I would never ask for it and deeply appreciate the help.
Lets go fishing, be here at 7:30 AM and hop in. We will go have a ball, maybe catch fish and enjoy the day. I NEVER drink and drive but if you want to have beer it is fine by me.
Well one of the ways I stay married is I married a good woman that doesn't do all that nonsense. She's very reliable, never got large marge and is a helluva cook. There's very little drama to deal with at all. I am blessed.
And fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit
While sifting through my ashes
Some will fall in love with life
And drink it from a fountain
That is pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain