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Things to Ponder......

William81William81 Member Posts: 25,353 ✭✭✭✭
in General Discussion


1. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood-alcohol content.


2. Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative.


3. I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up fast.


4. Sign in a CHINESE Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."


5. I have my own little world. But it's OK ... they know me here.


6. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


7. I don't approve of political jokes ... I've seen too many of them get elected.


8. The most precious thing we have is life ... Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.


9. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Butthead's.


10. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.


11. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.


12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.


13. I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!


14. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.


15. If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?


16. How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America?


17. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?


18. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.


19. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:

"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

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