funny LEO stories
Ditch-Runner
Member Posts: 25,219 ✭✭✭✭
I know some of your were LEO and like me I am sure some of you had interaction with a few LEO
I had many run ins with " Johnney law" LOL when younger all vehicle related some funny some not so funny
but 25 yrs ago I worked with a retied deputy sheriff and one of his stories has always stuck with me
he said he went out of his way to be good and not issue tickets for petty or what he would call being young when patrolling the back roads even speeding he gave more warnings atn any other member of his group
one night he came up to couple parked with lights off on a back road and they did not notice he had walked up so he shined his flash light in and sure enough nature was in progress 😍
of course, his 1st question what are you doing ?
the girl with no hesitation in as few words as possible said were "😲,😍 😁 "cant you see, but using the street slang terms
it caught him off guard he said for a second or three ..he was stunned but then just told them move on one of his funny stories.
a co worker ( a meat cutter by trade ) many years ago got busted doing the same with his future wife he said the deputy just kept shining his flash light on my GF who was in her birthday suit next to him the LEO was making sure he got the best and most views way before body cameras
he said I told the LEO please turn off your light, the LEO replied I am just helping her by providing light to get dressed by , which did not go over but th eLEO did finilay turn off his flash light and chased them off
as for me one of the times I got busted I was doing 95mph + in a 45 zone passed several cars supposedly almost hit a highway patrol car head on and did not stop for several miles done the road I never looked back at the time
well he was the driver of the LEO car and was mad as can be but still polite walked up said your under arrest
ask what the heck are your doing not his words but close 😁
started writing tickles then he pulled his cruiser up behind my 65 mustang took some photos
I ask you must like my car I get a lot of good comments about it ( it was a sharp car )
a very stern "NO I do not like your car" I need the photos as evidence a bumper of a 65 mustang should not be level and higher than my hood ,
and you have no exhaust system you were doing 95+ when I clocked you did not even slow down and passed several more cars with me chasing you
and few more minor issues 😁
he would not let me drive home , I had have a tow truck LOL
like all the police sheriffs and highway patrol I had face time with ( a lot of the trust me ) not one was ever disrespectful of threatening we kept the conversations at a respectable level by me and them
I could not count the times I got pulled over and just being polite was let go with a warning or just told to leave town for the night or weekend a few times just followed home
and I was lightning fast with my excuses, and all were good as I got away with a lot 😎
Comments
I had just bought my wife's aunt's (who lived in Detroit) mint condition Crysler Cordoba. You could say it was one of those mint condition low milage cars only driven by an old lady to church on Sundays!
Anway, I did not even have time to take care of all of the details regarding getting the plates and insurance stuff tended when I got this call from my BIL who desperately needed help moving a piano he just bought some 30 miles away. My wife had our other vehicle and left me home with the 4 kids. I got the kids in the back seat, took the plate off of one of my trailers and away we all went. Cruising down the 2 lane highway without noticing my speed. That car just floated along and seemed like it was just going about the 55 speed limit but instead was doing closer to 85!!!
The state cop that pulled me over had me in his back seat for nearly an hour! Pretty sure he would have hauled me off to the pokey if not for the kids in the car! Took a while to contact Aunt Mary to confirm I had not stolen her car! The two tickets I got that day were well deserved for my stupid foolishness!
I was driving to work one day in the winter and as I came over a hill I noticed the traffic light at the bottom was yellow. I started slowing down right away but still managed to slide through the red light before I could stop. There was a city police officer stopped at the light going the other way and he lit up his lights and I just sat there knowing I was going to get ticketed. He went through the light and turned around on the hill that was now behind me. I watched in the mirror as he slid down the hill, went past me and finally stopped about a hundred yards beyond me after smacking a no parking sign with his cruiser. He backed up REAL slow and got out and slipped and slid to my window. His first words were, "Dam it's slippery and you didn't run the light and I didn't hit that sign. Have a good day sir". He got back in the cruiser and we both drove gingerly away. When I drove home from work, it appeared that the city put a years supply of sand and salt on that hill.
A trooper was running radar on the highway when a Corvette passed by speeding. The trooper pulled out and was pursuing the vet at even higher speeds. As the trooper was about to lose the vet, the driver simply slowed & pulled over.
Trooper: OK, what's your excuse for going even faster & not pulling over?
Driver: My wife ran off with a cop & I thought it was you trying to give her back.
Trooper: Have a nice day.
I WAS an LEO. My shift was in the locker room, getting dressed for duty. Sgt from the earlier shift walked in. Big Dodge cop sort of guy. Hooked his thumbs in his pistol belt, loudly proclaimed "Well- my wife's pregnant!"
Voice from the back of the locker room- "Any suspects?"
One involving me
I have countless stories involving Me and the law LOL
About 40 yrs ago on the way to work about 5:00 am I overshot the turn road was just slick as could be
I tried but all I could do was drive back and forth in a deep ditch between two power poles this was in the country Just open fields
So I walked to the nearest house used the phone
Tow truck arrived parked on the other side of the road ran his cable across the road to my truck had al his flashers on
Just as he got tension on the cable a deputy sheriff came down the road opposite side drove between my truck and the wrecker
Of course drove his van right into the tight cable crunch plastic grill and headlights falling off
He just turned on his flashers backed up and parked
The tow truck driver. just shook his head said I am going to have a but chewing event with that
D.A. cop
Then pulled me out And I went on my way back home
Fun part my younger brother as normal was using the county suppliedhousing (jail) for his latest DUI
he Was on work detal that day when the deputy got back to the garage
My brother hapoed to be their as his work assignment he said all the other LEO really gave the crashed Leo a big old ribbing
He said the LEO was going off about some dumb A. In the ditch causing it
My brother at the time had no idea I was the fellow
Bad part my boss at work knew I never missed work so he called my house which got my wife all woried
Way before cell phone days
When I got home my wife was mad but I told her no big deal just my boss had panicked caused a lot of unneeded excitement
True story. Local sheriff and ATF kept trying to nail a fellow for making shine.
Sheriff looked under the house and sure enough the "mash" barrel was spotted.
Sheriff crawled under to investigate, he proclaimed "I found it", I found it", "pure mash". He run his hand down in the barrel. Not mash. Pure nasty. Ole feller had a hole cut in the floor and was using the barrel for his business.
Many years ago, I had just finished building a grain 'pup' trailer for my truck and hadn't completed the necessary paperwork to get a license. It was harvest time and bad weather coming when my Grandmother died. We were trying to finish harvesting before funeral and bad weather shut us down and the only way was to use the finished but not licensed trailer. Sure enough the only load it hauled (the last in the field), I met a Hwy Patrol car. There was no place for him to turn around for quite a distance and I laid the pedal to the floor reaching the shed and nearly getting the door closed when he topped the hill. 15 seconds more and he wouldn't have noticed. As it was, he was fairly understanding and let me off with a stern warning. THEN he asked "What the he!! kind of motor do you have in that truck? You were pulling away from me with a load on it." I told him and his next question was "How fast will it run?" My response: 'Beats me, i never drive over the speed limit" snicker snicker.
When I was in late high-school and college, I seemed to be a magnet for LEO encounters. Although I was a clean-cut, straight-A, Eagle Scout type kid, I just seemed to have the worst luck........
Part 1: The Play
I was a senior in high school, and our English teacher tasked us all with going to see the play "King Lear" at a nearby small women's college (located in the middle of nowhere). On Saturday night, my girlfriend and I got dressed up and headed to the play. It was January...about 20 degrees and very windy. After driving an hour to the college in my old Toyota truck, we got there just in time. In a rush, I locked my keys (and our coats) in the truck. We decided to deal with it after the play, as we were sure that someone could assist us then. However, the play was SO much longer than we expected, lasting until about 12:30 am. As soon as it ended, everyone disappeared and the doors locked behind us. Nobody anywhere to be found. No phone, an hour past her curfew, an hour drive from home, keys and coats in the truck, and she in high heels. We had to walk a mile down to the guard shack to see if he could help. The guard had a slim jim, and gave it his best shot, but couldn't trigger the lock. He was ready to give up, but I begged him to try one more time. Success! We were in, but it was now 2:00 am. Around 3:00 am, we made it into town. Stressed to the max about what her parents were going to do to me, I must have strayed over the center line (truck's alignment was BAD). All of a sudden.....flashing lights. First words out of the officer's mouth...."Step out of the vehicle." Uh oh!, I thought. Next thing I know, I was walking the line, trying to say ABCs backwards, standing on one leg....every test in the book. No less than 6 other police cars showed up to join in the fun. I must not have been doing too well, because I was then in the back of the cop car for about 30 minutes until someone showed up with a brethalyzer machine. When I blew a 0.00, I thought it was over. Nope. Next question...."What are you on, son?" That was my limit.......
"Sir, I'll tell you what I'm on....the worst dang night of my life. I don't drink, have never drunk, and have barely taken as much as an Aspirin in my whole life. I've had to wear a tie all night, PAY to watch a daggum Shakespeare play, locked my keys in the car, darn near froze that little girl to death walking her halfway across the county, and am about 6 hours past either of our curfews. At this point, I'm probably safer going to jail than home."
Well, next thing I know, the cops are all doubled over laughing like they were going to bust a gut. Apparently, they were satisfied with my clarity and thought our "adventure" was pretty entertaining. Two of the officers insisted on escorting us home to help with the parental situation. Foolishly, I thought that sounded pretty good.....right up until I pulled into the driveway and they pulled in behind. They just HAD to hit the flashing lights.......and out came the girlfriend's parents!!! Needless to say, some chaos ensued. It was eventually explained away (no thanks to those jokester cops).......but it all made for a very memorable night. I sure hope those officers enjoyed themselves.
Part 2: "Parking"
On my second date with the girlfriend who is now my bride of 24 years. With not much else to do (that didn't cost money) in our town, we were killing time before the movie we planned to see and decided to park on a cul-de-sace and watch the planes land at the airport. Random pick...neither of us had ever been on the road before. About 5 minutes later......flashing lights behind me....
Now, bear in mind that I am currently 20 and my wife was then 18 (but looked about 15). I politely greeted the Deputy, knowing I hadn't done anything wrong. Her demeaner took me off guard, and in a flash I was out of the car and in hand-cuffs, with about 3 other Deputies arriving. Didn't know WHAT was going on, but I knew it wasn't good. Then....it got worse, way worse. I hear the following conversation:
Deputy: Mam, are you here of your own free will?
Girlfriend: No, he kidnapped me.
Deputy: From where?
Girlfriend: Hahaha! No, I'm just kidding. We were just parked here.
Deputy: How old are you?
Girlfriend: 17.......no, wait......I just turned 18. I'm totally legal now.
Deputy: You don't look 18. Can I see your ID?
Girlfriend: Oh, I didn't bring it. I never do.
Deputy: Well, nobody is going anywhere until I verify your age.
Girlfriend: Oh, easy....you can just call my Dad. He's the pastor over at _____ Baptist Church.
Deputy (on phone): Good evening, sir. This is Deputy _____. I am here with your daughter. We caught her parked down here with a young man named ______. Do you know who he is?......Okay. And, can you confirm her date of birth?....Okay. Thank-you, sir. Yes, we'll send her home shortly.
At that point, I thought it couldn't get much worse. Although I assured her (truthfully) that we were honestly just talking, the female deputy wasn't buying it. She proceeded to give me a HUGE lecture about the dangers of "parking," unwanted pregnancy, STD's...the whole bit. I wanted to crawl under a rock. My future bride, however, just stood in the background with the two male deputies, all dying laughing.
Finally cut loose, I had to take my girl home to her Marine-turned-Pastor Dad. As if I had not been abused enough by everyone, he proceeded to put on a huge production about how angry and disappointed he was in my treatment of his daughter.....only to then bust out laughing himself.
So......of course, I had to marry her to get even with him! 😁
Part 3: Wrong Way
A short time after Part 2 above, my girlfriend (future wife) invited me to the Monster Truck show in a town about an hour away. My truck was broke, so I asked to borrow one of Dad's cars. The only one he'd let me use was a 1983 Honda Prelude that had been in a wreck. The driver door wouldn't open, so you had to crawl through, and the driver side headlight was crushed. Well, after picking up my girl in this mess of a car, we headed out. There had been a lot of snow recently, which had created a bunch of ground fog. Well, I couldn't see a darn thing going down the mountain in the fog with one headlight.....and I promptly crashed into a snow bank. No additional damage, but had do dig that thing out for 30 minutes with my hands to get us back underway. Finally get to the Monster Truck show, which was a good time. After the show, we stopped for gas. Again, I couldn't see real well. I turned out and headed up the road. As I approach a curve, all of a sudden here come two cars (one in each lane) barreling right for me. I pull hard on the wheel and narrowly escape disaster by jumping a curb into a parking lot. Well, those cars happened to be TWO police cars, who promptly hit the lights.
Yep.....more field sobriety testing for me. Of course, this had the added bonus of having to crawl out the window to do it.
Once again, the officers just couldn't stop laughing at my situation. They couldn't believe my Dad set me up for disaster like that. Amazingly, I got let loose clean, probably because they just felt bad for me.
In 1963, I had a Pontiac Tempest with a 326ci V8 that we had souped up a bit (would do wheel stands). It was set up for top end, which was over 125 MPH. One evening I was cruising down one of the main drags at 30+ MPH over the limit and met a city cop. They drove a Ford lead sled that handled like a log truck. When he turned on the lights and started to try to get turned around, I floored it and got at least 1000 yards from him. As soon as I got out of his sight, I turned into a neighborhood, drove a block and turned left. He never saw me again THAT night, but a few days later, he pulled me over to give me a chewing out. Of course, I played dumb telling him I didn't know WTH he was talking about!
I was home from college for the summer in 1978. In those day I was driving a 1972 T-Bird. 10mpg going downhill off a cliff maybe. It was big and comfortable. I had been at buddy's house playing poker until well after midnight. As I was leaving my friend's house, I was getting on it a little more than I should have. It had rained and as I rounded a corner I slid the car sideways around it and sure enough, they was a city cop sitting at the bottom of the hill.
I drove past him and then turned to go out of town. Needless to say he followed me and then hit the lights.... I pulled over and he came up to the car sputtering about driving like a idiot and give me your license. I stuck it out the window and said Hi Hal, how are you.... He looked in and said Frank, what the heck are you doing. Get out of the car, have you been drinking, where have you been. I told him where I had been and I had 4 beers over the last 6 hours etc. He told me to sit on the hood of my car and went back to the squad car and called me in.. I was not sure what was going to happen that that point..
Then he walked back up with a thermos of coffee, poured me a cup and asked me where I was going. I told him I was driving to my Mom's house to spend the night. We talked about college and Boy scouts as he had been one of my scout masters. Finally he said OK, get in your car and go straight to your Mom's and call it a night..... AND if you ever drive like that in front of me again, I will write you up !!!
on me not exciting just a game I was playing that night
I had just bought a 1994 Z28 ordered it special no mph limiter z rated tired 6 speed 3.73 rear posi track took a few months to get to me . dealer was skeptic if they would be able to get it for me I called chevy plant every week to push for it
the dealer told me it would be to my advantage to be loud and be often calling
I was almost 40 yrs old but still a teenager at heart (same today at almost 66 ) so
I had it parked for the winter one fine spring day in early 1995 I decided it was nice enough so I decided to drive my Camaro I was stuck on 2nd shift at work
all back roads to my house but cross a few rods thet y into them
I was about a mile from home stopped at a stop sign . I see a car with its lights off about 1/4 mile down the connecting road
now this the truth
I had a feeling from years of experience it was a sheriff being a spider looking for a fly
I calculated my chances and graded them with a " green light" chance of pulling it off
I knew we were miles away from any traffic of another car just me and him ( at that point I was not sure but just had the feeling ) green light
I knew I was 40 yrs old and could use that maybe in my defense , green light
I knew it was the 1st decent day of the year, green light
so as I sat at the stop sign I reved up the car dumped the clutch and smoked the tires just went to 2nd gear and backed off the gas to just at 60 mph just as I was getting to the next curve
BINGO red lights lighting up the night . ( yep my guess was right sheriff 😁 )
you know why I stopped you
well I did take off a bit fast but I was not speeding
you let the front end drift just over the center line of the curve and that could have caused a accident (if another car was coming )
sheriff you know you have nice sharp car , thank you I reply.
Sheriff how would you like a nice ticket to go with it , me , well no thank you sir 😉
sheriff lets hear why
well officer I had a hard day at work its late no one on the road I just had to drive my new car today and well just let off some steam by a fast take off and run thru 1st gear as a cheer me up thing.
so I got the 5 minute you should know better speech during that time another sheriff stopped by on his patrol I heard him ask if he needed any help ?
my new found LEO buddy 🙄 said no I got this
came back finished his speech said I will let you go with a warning and said be careful and just because no one is around does not make it OK
I was about a mile from home at thet point
and felling good about my ability to judge my chances on my actions and defense stories 😎
lord knows I had years of practice being a road side defense lawyer
I was driving thru town (cruising as was normal back then )
I had a local cop in front the light went green all of a sudden his lights came on and two more came up fast behind me red flashing away I knew it was not me but they were in a hurry so why not I just floored my car and stayed in line for a few blocks with the escort then did brak away noting to write home about but but at the moment it was funny running thru town and red lights while in a LEO parade .
not sure where thay were going but they did not say or come after me at that time in my life every city cop knew me on a fist name basis I never found out what the rush was
there was a group of us ( I am the last one RIP buddies ) we all had loud some waht fast cars and every cop kenw us well
we had a few that would pull us over , every one in town would honk and laugh as they drove by thinking we were getting our tickets and butts in trouble
truth was they would pull me over tell me where the unmarked police cars and which car(s) it would be then just shoot the Bull about street racing and so on the local guys were a great buch of like minded fellows who really let us go way more then any one should have
I also think it was a mind game with them if they had us thinking undercover cops looking to bust us we would behave and not be scaring the other people by racing thru town
most of the time we would just go down the road to next town and funny same old same old the local cops all knew me also in that town
lost track of home many times I was told I do not want ot see any more tonight in town 😁 Ok next town here we come until kicked out again
Think the statute of limitations has run out by now-
My best friend and I lived out in the country, pretty night in late June, we had a date with two real cute young ladies. About 11PM we convinced them that a midnight skinny dip down at the river would be just the ticket. We parked, left wallets and keys in the car, followed the path up the river bank a bit to our swimming hole, and enticed the ladies into the river.
Distracted by a busy game of tickle and slap, we were surprised when the sun rose. In the form of a deputy with a 47 cell flashlight. "You kids c'mon outa thar." Buddy and I looked at each other, took the girls by the hand, and made a break for the opposite bank. Down the path to the car, fired it up and GONE. A quick left turn right turn, left turn- and we had lost him. GREAT!
Except- all of our clothes were on the river bank, and we have two teen girls with a clothing shortage that we could NOT take home and they were upset with us. Finally at around 1AM, we went to my big sister's house, and woke her up. When she quit laughing she took the girls in and gave them some of her clothes, and found some of my B-I-Ls T shirts and shorts for buddy and self.
We got the girls home about 2AM, way outside their curfew. Did I mention they were mad at us???
on me
I had just bought a 1994 Z28 ordered it special no mph limiter z rated tired 6 speed 3.73 rear posi track took a few months to get to me . dealer was skeptic if they would do it
I was almost 40 yrs old but still a teenager at heart (same today 1t almost 66 ) so
I had it parked for the winter one fine sprig day in early 1995 I decided it was nice enough so I decided to drive my Camaro I was stuck on 2nd shift at work
all back roads to my house but cross a few rods thet y into them
I was about a mile from home stoped at a stop sign . I see a car with its lights off about 1/4 mile down the connecting road
now this the truth
I had a feeling from years of experience it was a sheriff
I caculated my chances and graded them with a green light chance
I knew we were miles away from any traffic of another car just me and him ( at that point I was not sure but just had the feeling ) green light
I knew I was 40 yrs old and could use that maybe in my defense , green light
I knew it was the 1st decent day of the year, green light
so as I sat at the stop sign I reved up th ecar dumped the cluth and smoked the tires just went to 2nd gear and backed off the gas down just at 60 mph just as I was getting to the next curve
BINGO red lights lighting up the night . ( yep my guess was right sheriff 😁 )
you know why I stopped you
well I did take off a bit fast but was not speeding
I did this story a couple nights back forgot to hit Post 😮
one not so funny
a bit long but I tride to shorten it up
when I was younger I had enough traffic tickets for a bonfire ( and god knows how many warnings and butt chewings)
I was in town in my 69 camaro ( I still have ) with a close buddy riding shotgun
a newer model camaro from the next town up the interstate was in town kept trying to get me race I said waste of my time and not worth the risk
but the other guys said oh come on lest see if its fast as people say , NO not tonight I said .
and trust me I never turned down many challenges
but my buddy said come on dave lets do this I like to race also .. Ok you twisted my arm
so just at the city lie was a nice wide road I had never messed with as it went over the interstate and I knew it was going to be a fast show off deal
so we lined up just in front of a catholic school by the interstate.
1-2-3 go I dumped the clutch and was gone I looked back to see the other camaro coming and a set of red flashing lights on his tail
I had already pulled over the other guy did just down the road
I told my buddy while I was waiting on the cop "I am screwed ". I have so many tickets already lost my license once now they will put me under the jail . he said well kind my fault I have no tickets and lets change places 😲 I did not want to I told him they hate drag racing with a passion and will not think twice about throwing the book at me but being young and dumb and being offed a way out 🤐
Ok I will pay your fine
by the time the cop got back to us my friend was in the driver seat
the cop wasted no time several more cop cars piled in on us ( every cop in town wanted to in on it I guess )
they took him to the cop car ask who I was and If I had a drivers license never once ask who's car or registration or insurance the cop seemed like he had killed a trophy buck all excited and all focused on my buddy
so court day came around 500.00 100.00 now suspended th eresyt on conditions and 30 days no drivers license and drivers safety course suspended 400.00 if he took the class if not he had to pay it all ) ( by the way that 100.00 was just at a weeks pay for me at the time )
but my buddy kept putting off the drivers school safety class after about three maybe four times they got him tossed him jail
his GF said you need to pay 😲 I said with what I have about 20.00 to my name and as much as I want to , for what he did for me
but I cant , no money , besides they gave him three may have been four chances to just spend a few hours each day in a two day class and he kept putting it off I feel terrible, but he is also part to blame
by the way I had already been to "bad boy driving school" class and 30 days with out my license 😕 a few months earlier
not sure who paid the fine for him
but after all said and done we were still friends
he passed away about three years ago from cancer RIP buddy
he was one of the core group of friends more like half brothers we had
as I have posted before their all gone now cancer got them all and yes they were all smokers I never picked up the habit Maby why I am still here , any way I am the last one of our group so I pass along stories and keep there memories alive
I was a Freshman in high school when this story happened. There had been warnings about burning out in front of the high school by the principle as well as the local police. A Sr. let it be known he was going to do an epic burn out right after school let out. A bunch of us headed out to watch the show. The drive rolled up in 71 TA right in front of the parking lot and stopped. He tipped his cowboy hat to the crowd, stood on his brakes and punched it.
About the time his tires started smoking he let his foot off the brake and off he went...... From behind a garage across the road came a city squad car light and siren going. The driver shut it down and pulled over. He was arrested for Wreckless driving, speeding and illegal lane usage.
In the newspaper the next week, I recall he pled guilty to the reckless driving. The Judge decided to make an example out of him. He left well over 200 feet of black marks on the road. The judge set his fine based on 1 dollar a foot, as he had posi-traction the fine was over 500.00
That was a ton of money in 1974!
@chme Did they tell you that there were gators in that river?