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My bid for the United States Presidency
shootstright
Member Posts: 342 ✭✭✭
My bid for the United States Presidency
Mar 2, 2006
by Mike S. Adams ( bio | archive | contact )
Email to a friend Print this page Text size: A A On Tuesday, March 7th at Auburn University, I will make an important public announcement. From behind a podium in Room 217 in the Foy Student Union, around 7:30 CST, I will announce my intention to run - as a Republican, of course - for the Office of President of the United States of America.
The following night - on March 8th at 5 Seasons Brewery in Atlanta, GA - I will formally kick off my campaign with a more detailed speech around 7pm EST. In these speeches, I plan to outline my vision for America - a vision that should propel us into a future where the three evils of socialism, terrorism, and feminism will soon become relics of the past.
The most ambitious aspect of my presidency will be a drastic reduction in the size of the federal government. In my first term, I plan to eliminate all of the following government agencies:
1. The United States Postal Service. Put simply, the cost of a stamp and the percentage of "lost mail" should be inversely related. For years, the Postal Service has had this backwards. Their period of probation has, in my view, expired. Therefore, they will be eliminated. This should make the folks at UPS very happy.
2. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. This decision is guided not by principle but by self-interest. As I rapidly approach the federal limitations on gun and ammunition ownership something must be done. There isn't enough room in this country for both my gun collection and this antiquated agency. One of us has to go. Since I will be president, they will have to go.
3. The Department of Education. For the life of me, I can't understand why the Republicans ever scratched the plan to abolish this useless agency. When it comes to cutting the size of the federal government, my plan will soon be known as "All useless government agencies left behind." This decision came around the time Bangladesh passed us in mathematics and reading comprehension.
4. The Internal Revenue Service. I will begin with a proposal to allow Americans to claim their firearms as "dependents" as early as 2009. This means that the tax burden will be shouldered almost entirely by convicted felons. This will put the IRS out of business in short order. That is good news because the IRS is largely responsible for this nation's steady drift away from free market capitalism to socialism over the latter half of the 20th century. We will cut off the problem at its source in the early years of the Adams administration.
5. The EEOC. For years, Americans have had equal opportunity. But the EEOC has long been focused on ensuring equal outcome, not equal opportunity. I will hasten the elimination of this office by passing an executive order banning the mere mention of race on all federal job applications. This will happen as early as January 2009. Bill Clinton pushed for a national dialogue on race during one year of his presidency. I will push for four solid years without talking about race. Morgan Freeman will also be one of my top advisors.
In an effort to shut down these offices, I will ask attorney and radio talk show host Neal Boortz to be my running mate. America will immediately save money with Vice President Boortz in the White House. Since he will be flying Air Force One, we can save money on the government payroll starting on day one. This will also save money on shampoo and other unnecessary hair care products in the White House.
There will also be important changes in foreign policy. My top advisors in this area will be Phyllis Schlafly (Secretary of State) and Ann Coulter (National Security Advisor). Unless they advise otherwise, I plan to withdraw troops from Iraq and send them into Syria to recover the WMDs hidden there by Saddam Hussein prior to the Iraq War. After they are recovered, our troops will head to Tel Aviv to hand the WMDs over to the Israeli Army. They will be used to immediately retake possession of the Gaza strip.
Shortly thereafter, our nation will experiment with a significant nuclear arms reduction by turning 10% of our nuclear weapons over to the Israelis. We will also capitulate to the demands of left-wing American professors by withdrawing all troops from the Middle East. This will not be an admission that they are right but, instead, a safety precaution. We don't want our troops to be in harms way when Israel turns Iran into a glass parking lot. The fallout from this decision should be significant, literally speaking.
Resistance to our foreign policy initiatives - at least from the United Nations - will pose no problem. My Treasury Secretary, Donald Trump, will be given control over the United Nation's building shortly after they are deported from this country for trumping United States foreign policy for decades. I expect the unsightly building to be turned into a Trump Manhattan Casino by early 2010.
As for the Supreme Court, I will follow the lead of President Bush by appointing personal friends to the Court. David Limbaugh will receive a nomination and Ben Shapiro will become our youngest Justice. The Alliance Defense Fund's David French will also be nominated. If Ann Coulter wants to be the first female Chief Justice, she will have to get to know me better. Needless to say, I'm all for that.
If you want to learn more about my plans for America, maybe I'll see you next week at Auburn. Or maybe it will be Atlanta. Before long, our campaign will be coming to a college campus or micro-brewery near you.
Editor's note: "The Professors," a new book about Mike Adams' favorite target (besides deer), is now on sale at the Townhall Book Service for 29% off the cover price.
Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and is a regular columnist for Townhall.com.
Mar 2, 2006
by Mike S. Adams ( bio | archive | contact )
Email to a friend Print this page Text size: A A On Tuesday, March 7th at Auburn University, I will make an important public announcement. From behind a podium in Room 217 in the Foy Student Union, around 7:30 CST, I will announce my intention to run - as a Republican, of course - for the Office of President of the United States of America.
The following night - on March 8th at 5 Seasons Brewery in Atlanta, GA - I will formally kick off my campaign with a more detailed speech around 7pm EST. In these speeches, I plan to outline my vision for America - a vision that should propel us into a future where the three evils of socialism, terrorism, and feminism will soon become relics of the past.
The most ambitious aspect of my presidency will be a drastic reduction in the size of the federal government. In my first term, I plan to eliminate all of the following government agencies:
1. The United States Postal Service. Put simply, the cost of a stamp and the percentage of "lost mail" should be inversely related. For years, the Postal Service has had this backwards. Their period of probation has, in my view, expired. Therefore, they will be eliminated. This should make the folks at UPS very happy.
2. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. This decision is guided not by principle but by self-interest. As I rapidly approach the federal limitations on gun and ammunition ownership something must be done. There isn't enough room in this country for both my gun collection and this antiquated agency. One of us has to go. Since I will be president, they will have to go.
3. The Department of Education. For the life of me, I can't understand why the Republicans ever scratched the plan to abolish this useless agency. When it comes to cutting the size of the federal government, my plan will soon be known as "All useless government agencies left behind." This decision came around the time Bangladesh passed us in mathematics and reading comprehension.
4. The Internal Revenue Service. I will begin with a proposal to allow Americans to claim their firearms as "dependents" as early as 2009. This means that the tax burden will be shouldered almost entirely by convicted felons. This will put the IRS out of business in short order. That is good news because the IRS is largely responsible for this nation's steady drift away from free market capitalism to socialism over the latter half of the 20th century. We will cut off the problem at its source in the early years of the Adams administration.
5. The EEOC. For years, Americans have had equal opportunity. But the EEOC has long been focused on ensuring equal outcome, not equal opportunity. I will hasten the elimination of this office by passing an executive order banning the mere mention of race on all federal job applications. This will happen as early as January 2009. Bill Clinton pushed for a national dialogue on race during one year of his presidency. I will push for four solid years without talking about race. Morgan Freeman will also be one of my top advisors.
In an effort to shut down these offices, I will ask attorney and radio talk show host Neal Boortz to be my running mate. America will immediately save money with Vice President Boortz in the White House. Since he will be flying Air Force One, we can save money on the government payroll starting on day one. This will also save money on shampoo and other unnecessary hair care products in the White House.
There will also be important changes in foreign policy. My top advisors in this area will be Phyllis Schlafly (Secretary of State) and Ann Coulter (National Security Advisor). Unless they advise otherwise, I plan to withdraw troops from Iraq and send them into Syria to recover the WMDs hidden there by Saddam Hussein prior to the Iraq War. After they are recovered, our troops will head to Tel Aviv to hand the WMDs over to the Israeli Army. They will be used to immediately retake possession of the Gaza strip.
Shortly thereafter, our nation will experiment with a significant nuclear arms reduction by turning 10% of our nuclear weapons over to the Israelis. We will also capitulate to the demands of left-wing American professors by withdrawing all troops from the Middle East. This will not be an admission that they are right but, instead, a safety precaution. We don't want our troops to be in harms way when Israel turns Iran into a glass parking lot. The fallout from this decision should be significant, literally speaking.
Resistance to our foreign policy initiatives - at least from the United Nations - will pose no problem. My Treasury Secretary, Donald Trump, will be given control over the United Nation's building shortly after they are deported from this country for trumping United States foreign policy for decades. I expect the unsightly building to be turned into a Trump Manhattan Casino by early 2010.
As for the Supreme Court, I will follow the lead of President Bush by appointing personal friends to the Court. David Limbaugh will receive a nomination and Ben Shapiro will become our youngest Justice. The Alliance Defense Fund's David French will also be nominated. If Ann Coulter wants to be the first female Chief Justice, she will have to get to know me better. Needless to say, I'm all for that.
If you want to learn more about my plans for America, maybe I'll see you next week at Auburn. Or maybe it will be Atlanta. Before long, our campaign will be coming to a college campus or micro-brewery near you.
Editor's note: "The Professors," a new book about Mike Adams' favorite target (besides deer), is now on sale at the Townhall Book Service for 29% off the cover price.
Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and is a regular columnist for Townhall.com.
Comments
Otherwise I'd have to move this to the "Politics" forum. [}:)][:o)][;)][:D]
quote:The most ambitious aspect of my presidency will be a drastic reduction in the size of the federal government. In my first term, I plan to eliminate all of the following government agencies:
I bet I can do better.
quote:1. The United States Postal Service. Put simply, the cost of a stamp and the percentage of "lost mail" should be inversely related. For years, the Postal Service has had this backwards. Their period of probation has, in my view, expired. Therefore, they will be eliminated. This should make the folks at UPS very happy.
In my presidency, there will be no such thing as "inflation", and the price of stamps will be one rate all the time. Read on for more details.
quote:2. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. This decision is guided not by principle but by self-interest. As I rapidly approach the federal limitations on gun and ammunition ownership something must be done. There isn't enough room in this country for both my gun collection and this antiquated agency. One of us has to go. Since I will be president, they will have to go.
I'm going to take this a step further. Those involved in this office have been waging a war against the populace by engaging in wrongful prosecution, entrapment, and warrantless searches and seizures of other's property. In this country, Gestapo agencies are not welcome, and those participating are traitors, and will be dealt with as such.
quote:3. The Department of Education. For the life of me, I can't understand why the Republicans ever scratched the plan to abolish this useless agency. When it comes to cutting the size of the federal government, my plan will soon be known as "All useless government agencies left behind." This decision came around the time Bangladesh passed us in mathematics and reading comprehension.
With the abolishment of property tax on all levels, as well as income tax, parents will be responsible for sending their kids to the schools of their choice. Sure, it will cost more, but it will be worth every penny of it, because if it isn't, the teacher loses your fees. The only aspect of the DoE that will be enforced is that it will still be mandatory to have your children enrolled into school (home schooling being applicable), and educational studies will still be performed to ensure education is progressing in timely fashion.
quote:4. The Internal Revenue Service. I will begin with a proposal to allow Americans to claim their firearms as "dependents" as early as 2009. This means that the tax burden will be shouldered almost entirely by convicted felons. This will put the IRS out of business in short order. That is good news because the IRS is largely responsible for this nation's steady drift away from free market capitalism to socialism over the latter half of the 20th century. We will cut off the problem at its source in the early years of the Adams administration.
An interesting start, but not acceptable. A consumption tax will be laid against all goods and services, with all other taxes OF ANY KIND abolished. The rate will be the same in all states. Maintaining an infrastructure does not require an immense amount of money to still work, but under our current socialist policies, it will fail and leave its populace destitude. This must be stopped, now.
quote:5. The EEOC. For years, Americans have had equal opportunity. But the EEOC has long been focused on ensuring equal outcome, not equal opportunity. I will hasten the elimination of this office by passing an executive order banning the mere mention of race on all federal job applications. This will happen as early as January 2009. Bill Clinton pushed for a national dialogue on race during one year of his presidency. I will push for four solid years without talking about race. Morgan Freeman will also be one of my top advisors.
All such legislation and titles or privileges of class, race or other status will be abolished. All crimes will be punished uniformly to the crime.
quote:In an effort to shut down these offices, I will ask attorney and radio talk show host Neal Boortz to be my running mate. America will immediately save money with Vice President Boortz in the White House. Since he will be flying Air Force One, we can save money on the government payroll starting on day one. This will also save money on shampoo and other unnecessary hair care products in the White House.
This is inconsequential banter....
quote:Shortly thereafter, our nation will experiment with a significant nuclear arms reduction by turning 10% of our nuclear weapons over to the Israelis. We will also capitulate to the demands of left-wing American professors by withdrawing all troops from the Middle East. This will not be an admission that they are right but, instead, a safety precaution. We don't want our troops to be in harms way when Israel turns Iran into a glass parking lot. The fallout from this decision should be significant, literally speaking.
Comical, to a point, but no, we will be keeping all of our money, nukes, weapons, and other goods, and withdrawing support from other nations. We will leave these other countries to fend for themselves. After all, the last damned thing we need is for Israel to decide they want to nuke us, right? Besides, it's my understanding they already have significant nukes of their own, and don't really need ours.
quote:There will also be important changes in foreign policy. My top advisors in this area will be Phyllis Schlafly (Secretary of State) and Ann Coulter (National Security Advisor). Unless they advise otherwise, I plan to withdraw troops from Iraq and send them into Syria to recover the WMDs hidden there by Saddam Hussein prior to the Iraq War. After they are recovered, our troops will head to Tel Aviv to hand the WMDs over to the Israeli Army. They will be used to immediately retake possession of the Gaza strip.
No, we will not be handing anything over to anyone. Handing over Saddam Hussein was a mistake. I have no doubt any WMD's Iraq had are there, but to put things in perspective, if you attack us with one, Iraq will be a memory. If there are no people left to remember the victory, then their god will be dead.
quote:Resistance to our foreign policy initiatives - at least from the United Nations - will pose no problem. My Treasury Secretary, Donald Trump, will be given control over the United Nation's building shortly after they are deported from this country for trumping United States foreign policy for decades. I expect the unsightly building to be turned into a Trump Manhattan Casino by early 2010.
The only foreign policies we will be agreeing to are trade agreements. They will not be free ones, either. We will be withdrawing from the UN, and all of the buildings on US soil will be liquidated, as the US gov't has no business, nor authority to maintain these worthless buildings within the infrastructure. Patent and copyright laws will be expected to be adhered to when sending products to the US, and any royalty infringements will be taken care of when the product enters our country.
quote:As for the Supreme Court, I will follow the lead of President Bush by appointing personal friends to the Court. David Limbaugh will receive a nomination and Ben Shapiro will become our youngest Justice. The Alliance Defense Fund's David French will also be nominated. If Ann Coulter wants to be the first female Chief Justice, she will have to get to know me better. Needless to say, I'm all for that.
The current members of the US Supreme Court and all other district courts will be reevaluated, and those making gross deliberations against the foundation Law of the Land will be immediately, and permanently excused, with no pension. This type of judicial action will no longer be tolerated.
This only scratches the surface....