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In a way he's correct about the "fun". This may well be the last time he gets to have fun as a child. The world works this way especially if he doesn't go on to school. At some point he'll have to become an adult. Some do it sooner than others. Some later. Some never make the grade I suppose, but then they never make any grade, do they?
Liam may be assured, though, that even if he digs ditches for the rest of his life, as long as he does it well he'll be just fine. The "fun" will morph from child play into adult play.
I don't mean to be crass here but it might high time to gently break this news to him. Further, I might counsel that he should think with the brain between his ears rather than the one elsewhere at least until he has an idea of where his life might be going. Otherwise he may well be led by the consequence of his actions rather than have the ability to steer his own course.
Personal experience is my guide here. A permanent job far from home not a month after graduating high school. I paid my dues big time. It's not easy being a child in mid June and an adult in mid July. It was tough and I'd recommend the experience highly for almost everyone. My life would have been nowhere as rich or full had I not done what was necessary.
Good luck. Please tell Liam that there are those he's never met who are concerned about him and understand. Just make it clear that understanding his "situation" is no excuse for him not to grow up.
Sitting at the table one night my 15yr old sister and mom and got into a discussion about something earlier. Sisters mouth got way overboard and she called mom a *itch at the supper table. Dad reached for the potatoes , took some, sit the bowl down and backhanded her clear off the chair. Game over. No more supper for you and go to your room. No more was said at the table but pass this or that..
Kasey, You will be surprised at how fast he grows up the next few years. Chris has really come into his own this past year, turning 20. I wouldn't give him the time of day a year ago or a job. He has turned into a man over night. He was always a good kid, but just not responsible. Now he is a man and very responsible for everything he does, from school to work to his choice of friends. Liam seems to be your average teen age boy/man. He is just lost right now somewhere in-between and has to find his path. You cannot find it for him. Not every one is a college type. There is the military and so on. He has to find his one passion and run with it. Worrying about the other kids will not put food on the table or money in his pocket. I am sure we can all attest to the kids we went to school with and thought they would be rocket scientist, only to find out they our are trash men or local food store clerk. Life has funny twist and turns and he will encounter them all. Just tell Liam to believe in himself and correct his manners if he wants to succeed. Please, thank you, mam, and so on, are the core to good mannerisms to succeed in this world. There is nothing wrong with a working mans PHD. A lot of us have that and we're very successful. Let him spend five minutes with Chris on the phone and you will see a different attitude. He figured it out. John
quote:Originally posted by select-fire
Sitting at the table one night my 15yr old sister and mom and got into a discussion about something earlier. Sisters mouth got way overboard and she called mom a *itch at the supper table. Dad reached for the potatoes , took some, sit the bowl down and backhanded her clear off the chair. Game over. No more supper for you and go to your room. No more was said at the table but pass this or that..
quote:Originally posted by Oakie
Kasey, You will be surprised at how fast he grows up the next few years. Chris has really come into his own this past year, turning 20. I wouldn't give him the time of day a year ago or a job. He has turned into a man over night. He was always a good kid, but just not responsible. Now he is a man and very responsible for everything he does, from school to work to his choice of friends. Liam seems to be your average teen age boy/man. He is just lost right now somewhere in-between and has to find his path. You cannot find it for him. Not every one is a college type. There is the military and so on. He has to find his one passion and run with it. Worrying about the other kids will not put food on the table or money in his pocket. I am sure we can all attest to the kids we went to school with and thought they would be rocket scientist, only to find out they our are trash men or local food store clerk. Life has funny twist and turns and he will encounter them all. Just tell Liam to believe in himself and correct his manners if he wants to succeed. Please, thank you, mam, and so on, are the core to good mannerisms to succeed in this world. There is nothing wrong with a working mans PHD. A lot of us have that and we're very successful. Let him spend five minutes with Chris on the phone and you will see a different attitude. He figured it out. John
The son of one of my friends from high school was "lost", causing trouble, (in general acting a lot like his dad did when we were that age, but the dad finally straightened out and went to Med school and is now chief of staff at his local hospital. He is still a full on Harley guy) The boy finally turned the corner and just recently finished basic at Ft. Benning and will be off to the Army National Guard shortly.
I don't think he is a bad kid....not at all....but he is definitely in that "are you REALLY this stupid" part of his life. His big sisters did almost the same things and they are both doing great...my oldest isn't hitting it out of the park, but she is doing good, living out on her own, paying her own bills and she seems happy. The middle child is in college to be a paralegal. I hope she does this and keeps on going further in school. She found this is a 2 year degree....and I imagine her thoughts are that she will get done with her college in 2 years, find a job and leave my house. I doubt she lasts that long though! She wants to be footloose and fancy free so bad! I had thought Liam would be going into the military, but he hasn't said anything about that in a while. He had said something about trying to go to welding school. I really don't know where he will end up....he hasn't given us any clues or tried to find out how people end up doing various things. I know one thing. If he graduates high school and is hanging around waiting on someone to drag him by the lip into something.....I will be happy to do that. I just want all three of my kids to end up able to care for themselves....it would be nice if they were happy and healthy too.
I think if we join out internut hands together and pray for the yougin, it all come together,,slip on the 8 track and play Yellow Submarine it will be good-
quote:I think his main problem right now is the thought of growing up....he is SO WORRIED that he is going to fail at life in general.
A VERY astute observation. It's a common problem, and a major reason that teens feel stressed.
They see how you (the parents) live, how you have provided for the family, all the "stuff" you have. Then they look at jobs that they are qualified for, paying $8 an hour or so, and feel hopeless. They don't seem to grasp that it took you a long time to get from where he is to where you are. So, they just give up.
My dad used to tell me, "You should be having the time of your life...this is the best time of your life...you have no worries, no responsibilities...etc..."
He was wrong. My teen years were very stressful, as most are. Statistically, the teen years are the second-most stressful period of life, next to old age.
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
I don't think he is a bad kid....not at all....but he is definitely in that "are you REALLY this stupid" part of his life. His big sisters did almost the same things and they are both doing great...my oldest isn't hitting it out of the park, but she is doing good, living out on her own, paying her own bills and she seems happy. The middle child is in college to be a paralegal. I hope she does this and keeps on going further in school. She found this is a 2 year degree....and I imagine her thoughts are that she will get done with her college in 2 years, find a job and leave my house. I doubt she lasts that long though! She wants to be footloose and fancy free so bad! I had thought Liam would be going into the military, but he hasn't said anything about that in a while. He had said something about trying to go to welding school. I really don't know where he will end up....he hasn't given us any clues or tried to find out how people end up doing various things. I know one thing. If he graduates high school and is hanging around waiting on someone to drag him by the lip into something.....I will be happy to do that. I just want all three of my kids to end up able to care for themselves....it would be nice if they were happy and healthy too.
Austill in Mobile send you to school for welding....Look it up! Free education,and out of your hair...
A well-intentioned word of advice: If he's asking for it and you pop him one, well, that's that. If, on the other hand, you're in a bad mood or upset about something else or are just looking to hit somebody and you pop him one, that's something else.
I deserved a few and got them and don't fault anybody but myself for them. I had them coming. The ones I didn't deserve and I got, those are not forgotten and really not forgiven. 35 years later, I'm still mad about them.
quote:Originally posted by pwillie
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
I don't think he is a bad kid....not at all....but he is definitely in that "are you REALLY this stupid" part of his life. His big sisters did almost the same things and they are both doing great...my oldest isn't hitting it out of the park, but she is doing good, living out on her own, paying her own bills and she seems happy. The middle child is in college to be a paralegal. I hope she does this and keeps on going further in school. She found this is a 2 year degree....and I imagine her thoughts are that she will get done with her college in 2 years, find a job and leave my house. I doubt she lasts that long though! She wants to be footloose and fancy free so bad! I had thought Liam would be going into the military, but he hasn't said anything about that in a while. He had said something about trying to go to welding school. I really don't know where he will end up....he hasn't given us any clues or tried to find out how people end up doing various things. I know one thing. If he graduates high school and is hanging around waiting on someone to drag him by the lip into something.....I will be happy to do that. I just want all three of my kids to end up able to care for themselves....it would be nice if they were happy and healthy too.
Austill in Mobile send you to school for welding....Look it up! Free education,and out of your hair...
Lots of good welding jobs down in Mobile as well. Safer than being out on the rigs for sure.
quote:Originally posted by nunn
quote:I think his main problem right now is the thought of growing up....he is SO WORRIED that he is going to fail at life in general.
A VERY astute observation. It's a common problem, and a major reason that teens feel stressed.
They see how you (the parents) live, how you have provided for the family, all the "stuff" you have. Then they look at jobs that they are qualified for, paying $8 an hour or so, and feel hopeless. They don't seem to grasp that it took you a long time to get from where he is to where you are. So, they just give up.
My dad used to tell me, "You should be having the time of your life...this is the best time of your life...you have no worries, no responsibilities...etc..."
He was wrong. My teen years were very stressful, as most are. Statistically, the teen years are the second-most stressful period of life, next to old age.
Peer pressure . Kids are cruel in competition with each other. Especially today with all the social media.
My oldest son is almost 14. He gets into it with his mom all the time. But usually straightens out before i get home. I can't remember the last time any of my kids were spanked. Were not against it just found out changing the wifi password or taking there electronics away was a much worse punishment to them. My kids are very active in sports and get very little time to play there games. Taking them away for even a day seems to straighten them out for a long time. Then they have to earn them back with chores.
Teenagers are proof of why some mammals eat their young!...[^]
These too will pass, and both of you will miss these good old days...[:)]
Walk over to his big ol' whinny butt, and give him a big hug. Tell him that no matter how obnoxiousness and hard to get along with he is that you still love him. Then try and give him a big kiss on the cheek. This is best done in front of his friends!...[:o)]
quote:Originally posted by nunn
quote:I think his main problem right now is the thought of growing up....he is SO WORRIED that he is going to fail at life in general.
A VERY astute observation. It's a common problem, and a major reason that teens feel stressed.
They see how you (the parents) live, how you have provided for the family, all the "stuff" you have. Then they look at jobs that they are qualified for, paying $8 an hour or so, and feel hopeless. They don't seem to grasp that it took you a long time to get from where he is to where you are. So, they just give up.
My dad used to tell me, "You should be having the time of your life...this is the best time of your life...you have no worries, no responsibilities...etc..."
He was wrong. My teen years were very stressful, as most are. Statistically, the teen years are the second-most stressful period of life, next to old age.
I have tutored several high school kids who are struggling academically but have high-achieving parents. Getting into a well-known state school in my state is very difficult. You have to be quite bright, have excellent grades, and excellent SAT scores.
The kids I'm working with, that's not them. They're not close. They're trying to pass the course and graduate. The idea of getting an A and taking the AP exam--that's just not them. I push them because I'm paid to push them and I'm trying to to help them, but every now and then there's a very sad human moment when the kid will talk about he knows he's not as smart as the other kids, that a lot of doors are going to be closed to him, and that he won't have the options other kids do.
I was intensely aware of the competition when I was in high school, and it has only gotten worse.
Comments
In a way he's correct about the "fun". This may well be the last time he gets to have fun as a child. The world works this way especially if he doesn't go on to school. At some point he'll have to become an adult. Some do it sooner than others. Some later. Some never make the grade I suppose, but then they never make any grade, do they?
Liam may be assured, though, that even if he digs ditches for the rest of his life, as long as he does it well he'll be just fine. The "fun" will morph from child play into adult play.
I don't mean to be crass here but it might high time to gently break this news to him. Further, I might counsel that he should think with the brain between his ears rather than the one elsewhere at least until he has an idea of where his life might be going. Otherwise he may well be led by the consequence of his actions rather than have the ability to steer his own course.
Personal experience is my guide here. A permanent job far from home not a month after graduating high school. I paid my dues big time. It's not easy being a child in mid June and an adult in mid July. It was tough and I'd recommend the experience highly for almost everyone. My life would have been nowhere as rich or full had I not done what was necessary.
Good luck. Please tell Liam that there are those he's never met who are concerned about him and understand. Just make it clear that understanding his "situation" is no excuse for him not to grow up.
be wipeing sh@#$%t off the fan, and nursing a sore *.
[;)]
Sitting at the table one night my 15yr old sister and mom and got into a discussion about something earlier. Sisters mouth got way overboard and she called mom a *itch at the supper table. Dad reached for the potatoes , took some, sit the bowl down and backhanded her clear off the chair. Game over. No more supper for you and go to your room. No more was said at the table but pass this or that..
[:D]
Simple, yet effective. [;)]
Kasey, You will be surprised at how fast he grows up the next few years. Chris has really come into his own this past year, turning 20. I wouldn't give him the time of day a year ago or a job. He has turned into a man over night. He was always a good kid, but just not responsible. Now he is a man and very responsible for everything he does, from school to work to his choice of friends. Liam seems to be your average teen age boy/man. He is just lost right now somewhere in-between and has to find his path. You cannot find it for him. Not every one is a college type. There is the military and so on. He has to find his one passion and run with it. Worrying about the other kids will not put food on the table or money in his pocket. I am sure we can all attest to the kids we went to school with and thought they would be rocket scientist, only to find out they our are trash men or local food store clerk. Life has funny twist and turns and he will encounter them all. Just tell Liam to believe in himself and correct his manners if he wants to succeed. Please, thank you, mam, and so on, are the core to good mannerisms to succeed in this world. There is nothing wrong with a working mans PHD. A lot of us have that and we're very successful. Let him spend five minutes with Chris on the phone and you will see a different attitude. He figured it out. John
The son of one of my friends from high school was "lost", causing trouble, (in general acting a lot like his dad did when we were that age, but the dad finally straightened out and went to Med school and is now chief of staff at his local hospital. He is still a full on Harley guy) The boy finally turned the corner and just recently finished basic at Ft. Benning and will be off to the Army National Guard shortly.
A VERY astute observation. It's a common problem, and a major reason that teens feel stressed.
They see how you (the parents) live, how you have provided for the family, all the "stuff" you have. Then they look at jobs that they are qualified for, paying $8 an hour or so, and feel hopeless. They don't seem to grasp that it took you a long time to get from where he is to where you are. So, they just give up.
My dad used to tell me, "You should be having the time of your life...this is the best time of your life...you have no worries, no responsibilities...etc..."
He was wrong. My teen years were very stressful, as most are. Statistically, the teen years are the second-most stressful period of life, next to old age.
I don't think he is a bad kid....not at all....but he is definitely in that "are you REALLY this stupid" part of his life. His big sisters did almost the same things and they are both doing great...my oldest isn't hitting it out of the park, but she is doing good, living out on her own, paying her own bills and she seems happy. The middle child is in college to be a paralegal. I hope she does this and keeps on going further in school. She found this is a 2 year degree....and I imagine her thoughts are that she will get done with her college in 2 years, find a job and leave my house. I doubt she lasts that long though! She wants to be footloose and fancy free so bad! I had thought Liam would be going into the military, but he hasn't said anything about that in a while. He had said something about trying to go to welding school. I really don't know where he will end up....he hasn't given us any clues or tried to find out how people end up doing various things. I know one thing. If he graduates high school and is hanging around waiting on someone to drag him by the lip into something.....I will be happy to do that. I just want all three of my kids to end up able to care for themselves....it would be nice if they were happy and healthy too.
Austill in Mobile send you to school for welding....Look it up! Free education,and out of your hair...
I deserved a few and got them and don't fault anybody but myself for them. I had them coming. The ones I didn't deserve and I got, those are not forgotten and really not forgiven. 35 years later, I'm still mad about them.
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
I don't think he is a bad kid....not at all....but he is definitely in that "are you REALLY this stupid" part of his life. His big sisters did almost the same things and they are both doing great...my oldest isn't hitting it out of the park, but she is doing good, living out on her own, paying her own bills and she seems happy. The middle child is in college to be a paralegal. I hope she does this and keeps on going further in school. She found this is a 2 year degree....and I imagine her thoughts are that she will get done with her college in 2 years, find a job and leave my house. I doubt she lasts that long though! She wants to be footloose and fancy free so bad! I had thought Liam would be going into the military, but he hasn't said anything about that in a while. He had said something about trying to go to welding school. I really don't know where he will end up....he hasn't given us any clues or tried to find out how people end up doing various things. I know one thing. If he graduates high school and is hanging around waiting on someone to drag him by the lip into something.....I will be happy to do that. I just want all three of my kids to end up able to care for themselves....it would be nice if they were happy and healthy too.
Austill in Mobile send you to school for welding....Look it up! Free education,and out of your hair...
Lots of good welding jobs down in Mobile as well. Safer than being out on the rigs for sure.
quote:I think his main problem right now is the thought of growing up....he is SO WORRIED that he is going to fail at life in general.
A VERY astute observation. It's a common problem, and a major reason that teens feel stressed.
They see how you (the parents) live, how you have provided for the family, all the "stuff" you have. Then they look at jobs that they are qualified for, paying $8 an hour or so, and feel hopeless. They don't seem to grasp that it took you a long time to get from where he is to where you are. So, they just give up.
My dad used to tell me, "You should be having the time of your life...this is the best time of your life...you have no worries, no responsibilities...etc..."
He was wrong. My teen years were very stressful, as most are. Statistically, the teen years are the second-most stressful period of life, next to old age.
Peer pressure . Kids are cruel in competition with each other. Especially today with all the social media.
These too will pass, and both of you will miss these good old days...[:)]
Walk over to his big ol' whinny butt, and give him a big hug. Tell him that no matter how obnoxiousness and hard to get along with he is that you still love him. Then try and give him a big kiss on the cheek. This is best done in front of his friends!...[:o)]
Trinity +++
quote:I think his main problem right now is the thought of growing up....he is SO WORRIED that he is going to fail at life in general.
A VERY astute observation. It's a common problem, and a major reason that teens feel stressed.
They see how you (the parents) live, how you have provided for the family, all the "stuff" you have. Then they look at jobs that they are qualified for, paying $8 an hour or so, and feel hopeless. They don't seem to grasp that it took you a long time to get from where he is to where you are. So, they just give up.
My dad used to tell me, "You should be having the time of your life...this is the best time of your life...you have no worries, no responsibilities...etc..."
He was wrong. My teen years were very stressful, as most are. Statistically, the teen years are the second-most stressful period of life, next to old age.
I have tutored several high school kids who are struggling academically but have high-achieving parents. Getting into a well-known state school in my state is very difficult. You have to be quite bright, have excellent grades, and excellent SAT scores.
The kids I'm working with, that's not them. They're not close. They're trying to pass the course and graduate. The idea of getting an A and taking the AP exam--that's just not them. I push them because I'm paid to push them and I'm trying to to help them, but every now and then there's a very sad human moment when the kid will talk about he knows he's not as smart as the other kids, that a lot of doors are going to be closed to him, and that he won't have the options other kids do.
I was intensely aware of the competition when I was in high school, and it has only gotten worse.