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Make her get a mid to late 90s Ford Escort. Bullet proof cars, if ever one was made.
I agree with everyone else. You should've never bought her a car to begin with, and you DEFINITELY shouldn't have bought her a BMW.
When I first got my license, I was driving my sister's 93 Geo Metro wagon, and I was extremely happy. I had wheels. I had a license. I didn't want anything more. All I had to do was pay for repairs, gas, and insurance. It was a good deal. I could drive a week or more on a tank of gas.
When I had some money, I bought a car of my own, for $1500. A 94 Ford Escort wagon. I paid for all of the repairs out of my own pocket. I filled the tank out of my own pocket. I was even able to afford to put a halfway decent stereo system in it, that I paid for with my own money (even though my brother installed it).
The next vehicle I drove for a short period of time was my dad's 94 Mustang. It had a 3.8L V6 and an auto transmission. This was to fill a time gap so I could still drive to work, because my Escort got wrecked by an old woman driving on the wrong side of the road during a blizzard. I only drove the Mustang for a month.
Then I bought my 90 Ranger for $2000 cash. Bought it with my own money. I still have it, and I bought it back in May or June 2005. It needs work that I don't really have the time, money, patience, or space to do. It's old, and tired, and it's going to be getting sold soon. I paid for all of the maintenance (including tires), gas, insurance, and a few "goodies" out of my own pocket.
In 2007, I bought my 2001 Mercury Grand Marquis. I'm paying all the payments out of my own pocket, I'm paying the insurance out of my own pocket, and I couldn't be happier with the car. It's a big, comfortable car that gets halfway decent mileage (for its size), and if I'm ever in a crash with it, I know I'll live through it because it's the safest domestic car built today.
I bought my first motorcycle in 2008, for $600 cash, and I paid for all of the repairs, insurance and gas out of my pocket.
And just recently, I purchased a 2009 Triumph Daytona 675. Like my car, it's also financed, but I made a $2500 down payment with money that I had.
My point is, I've only had 1 car that I drove for more than a month that didn't belong to ME. And in all of that time, I've only lost 1 car due to a collision. Being the TRUE owner of a vehicle (the one who pays for everything concerned with the car) teaches you to care for and respect that vehicle, and do everything to protect your investment.
Cars are, by nature, money pits. All you can do is try to take care of them so you don't spent quite as much money on them.
Make her buy her own, with money that she earned. Make her pay the insurance. Yeah, she'll be paying more than the average 17 year old, but that's because of her own actions. Make her fill the gas tank with her own money. She'll realize sooner or later that joy-riding around with friends is expensive, and she won't do it as much. Make her pay for the repairs. She'll realize just how big a money pit owning a vehicle is.
And ALWAYS remind her that in our country, driving is NOT a right; it's a privilege that can be taken away.
remember....I didn't BUY her that car. It was a gift from her Grandparents. I wasn't about to turn it down either. Who turns down a free BMW? I will hate to see it go. That was a fun little car.
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
remember....I didn't BUY her that car. It was a gift from her Grandparents. I wasn't about to turn it down either. Who turns down a free BMW? I will hate to see it go. That was a fun little car.
A responsible adult if they know it's being given to a 16 year old.
No joke LF, I would sure be excited, but if my Grandparents came up to me, and said Here boy, heres a bright yellow BMW Z3 conv 5spd! Go kill yourself! I'd turn it down... I would thank them for the kind offer, but I would be smart enough (knowing this from working on cars though) to know they are a PAIN in the rump to work on, Labor is expensive, parts are even more, yadda yadda yadda.
I got an idea, Give her the camaro [:D][:D] BUT MAKE SURE I CAN DRIVE IT FIRST- I'd like it to be in ONE PIECE [:D]
Or...you want your 16 yr old in one of the very safest cars around.... whichever way you look at it. Either way the BMW kept her silly but safe when she was ran off the road, which is what I am thankful for. If she were in the Escape when it happened it most likely would have fishtailed and then rolled. Not the case in the "beemer" (poor little thing.)
Indeed. Any car with any kind of top weight will roll. Get her a Front wheel drive car, that is rather low to the ground. Pontiac Bonneville's are nice.. Same engine as the Camaro my mom had in hers.. 3800 V6. Not too fast but it has get up and go, definitely. Moms FLEW cause it was conv.
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
Or...you want your 16 yr old in one of the very safest cars around.... whichever way you look at it. Either way the BMW kept her silly but safe when she was ran off the road, which is what I am thankful for. If she were in the Escape when it happened it most likely would have fishtailed and then rolled. Not the case in the "beemer" (poor little thing.)
My Escort was a VERY safe car, and it only cost me $1500. It survived a head on collision with a car that weighed a LOT more than it did...a mid-80s Buick LeSabre.
No disrespect intended, but I don't think you as an adult are making responsible decisions in regards to raising a teenager. From what you've posted, you let her control everything. You need to be the adult and put your foot down. Draw a line in the sand, and let her know that if she crosses it there WILL be consequences.
My parents hated the idea of me using my sister's Geo Metro, and that was for 1 school year. They wanted me to have my own vehicle that I paid for out of pocket. Oh yeah, and they had no problems reminding me that they had the power to remove my driving privilege if I didn't meet their requirements, i.e., job, good grades, no law violations, no collisions.
She is the child, you are the adult. You are her parent. That doesn't mean you need to be their friend. I hated my parents for a LONG time because they didn't let me do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Now that I'm older and more responsible, I have a really good relationship with Dad, and I don't speak to Mom at all (but that's a different topic all together). But before I stopped speaking to Mom, I had a really good relationship with her, too.
It was night-and-day from when I was in high school, because they were tough on me, and made me learn responsibility through my own mistakes. Now that I'm older, I can see what they were doing, but at the time, I was as blind as a bat. I though they were just being *.
Your kids are going to like you or hate you based on what you teach them. Teenagers are bone-heads, and only learn the hard way. If you keep giving in to them, they'll learn how to manipulate you the rest of your life, and they'll never truly be independent.
If you let them learn the hard way, they'll learn responsibility on their own, and they might hate you for the next couple of years, but around the time they turn 23 or 24, they'll ask for your forgiveness for all the years of them being boneheads, and then you can be their friend.
STOP GIVING IN TO A 17 YEAR OLD!!!!!!! It's time to pull the purse strings closed, and let her do things on her own.
If she needs a ride to work, she can carpool with a coworker. If she needs to get to school, she can ride the damn bus! You're already paying for the bus through your taxes, so why not use the damn thing? It's free to them, and it's SAFE.
IF she was my daughter (and I'm glad she's not), I'd be MAKING her ride the school bus. I would never have let her drive a BMW, and I would never have let anyone GIVE her a vehicle. It's a responsibility that MUST be earned.
I think you need to put her in her place. If you don't, things are only going to get worse, and in the future, she'll end up hating you for not being harder on her.
Not to upset the Jeep folks,but I've owned several CJ's (rust,rust,and more rust) and currently a 94 XJ Cherokee,. Jeeps will nickle and dime you to death,somethings always breaking! You've heard "its a Jeep thing"? The 'thing' is always being underneath the dang thing working on it! (some of which is adding unneeded "prettys")
Talk her into looking at a (gently) used Camry or Civic. (been driving a 87 Camry with 287,000 on the clock for the past 5 years) cost $700+licensing and title fees,($60 or so) new tires,($200) wheel bearing,($29 and 3 hrs) + oil changes. (battery,and a alternator in the last 3 months,maybe it's finally getting too old) It just keeps ticking along.
Pretty? NO! Dependable? Yeppers! Wouldn't be a bit afraid to drive it cross country and over the Rockies.
Conversely, the XJ has been down,or limping for at least half the time I've owned it. Fan clutch,radiator,window regulator,crank sensor,cam sensor,ECU,coil,NSS,alternator,AC problems,heater core, (big job,unnecessarily so,not fixed,I'm in Fl and don't need it)and is down now needing a starter. New,just have to take it back and exchange it but it's been raining and I don't want to lay in 3" of water to change it.
Granted some of the down time has been my fault,because I'm rough on it,but there's no way I'd want as an only car and not live near a bus line. It's a toy,and an expensive one at that! Never know whether it's gonna start or leave you stranded. (Doug take heed,last XJ was 01,and the 01 4.0 has known head problems)
I'd recommend anybody new to Jeeps check out a couple of the Jeep Forums online and see what the known problems are with different models before investing in one,need to know what you're getting into.
Yeah I'd buy another one... but then I'm certifyable.
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
What's wrong with driving crap?
Depends on how dangerous the streets of the city, where a crap car might be breaking down in. So if you make 'em drive a crap car, at least get a good cell phone plan.
quote:Originally posted by mrseatle
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
What's wrong with driving crap?
Depends on how dangerous the streets of the city, where a crap car might be breaking down in. So if you make 'em drive a crap car, at least get a good cell phone plan.
I think some tough love would be more appropriate than anything else at this point. This girl is 17, has quit school (I believe from what I have read) works at McNasties (with a goal of upgrading to Best Buy) and lives at home getting everything handed to her (presumptious perhaps, but fact from what I have read). Where is the drive, and motivation to provide for herself here? What part of parenting is being exhibited here? I pray that I am not just preaching from a soapbox, and I do not have the same trials thrown at me by any of my children. I believe I have instilled more values in my children than this. My oldest is 17, an "a" student, responsible, no signs of this behavior. My next oldest is 16 and is the same. None of my children have any of these problems so did we parent right, or just get lucky? Time will tell...
quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
I think that it's too late for this one.
She has reached a level of adulthood where she knows how to get whatever she wants.
Unfortunately, she's pretty, and if Mom & Dad won't give it to her, she'll find a 23 to 30 year old Man who will.
She will follow the money.
Sorry, Kasey, but that's my thinking, unless SHE changes herself drastically - I don't think you can, anymore.
Doug
+1
A person with a problem will not admit they have one till they are ready to. All the shrinks and good advise in the world by friends will fall on deaf ears till they are ready to hear it.
Seems to me from all the different posts, there are as many different ideas, concepts, and terms of handling this type of situation [^]. as there are different teenagers in the world!
I can relate to the issue since I have three grown chaps of my own. The middle boy has a son just under a year old and I hope that I'm around to see his take on this very subject...
Where we live, it's in a rural setting. Some call it the sticks... My wife... she complains that's it's an hour any where we go. Actually, I like it that way 'cause it's an hour to my place anywhere you come from!!![:D]
Back to the issue... When mine reached the age of driving, we had a beat-up '82 Toyota pickup we got for $50.00 from my brother-in-law. He had demolished the front end and I rebuilt it less a bumper and turn lights. Actually, I mounted new "store bought" turn lights with pieces of folded tin cans. The truck was in very good shape except for no front bumper, etc. It would go anywhere I wanted it to. We maintained the insurance on it for the ability to haul ANYTHING away from the house. Well, that's the vehicle of choice when the chaps reached an age that they had their permit.
THE deal was this...
- They got to drive the 'little white truck' as they chose to as long as it wasn't needed to haul any junk off from the house.
- They had to keep gas in it (if I were to have to put gas in it they lost the privilege to drive it).
- They had to keep the oil changed every 3,500 miles and replace the tires if need be.
- I paid the liability insurance on it with them on my insurance and put a new set of tires on it before they started to drive it. Seems that the tires lasted exactly two years, the exact time between chaps.
- If they caused any damage to the truck, the damage was worked out of their money and not the insurance since it was only liability. Time to make any fixes was `patiently' waited out. My wife and I were the only ones to drive `our' vehicles, not the chaps. They also would pay any increase in insurance cost or payment due to their driving habits.
- They get a ticket 'for any reason, period', they lose the privilege to drive it.
- They could not have any other 'teenage' passengers, if caught; they would have lost the privilege to drive the LTW. By the way. the LTW had no working radio either. so the chaps' FULL attention was on driving and not loud tunes.[8D]
- They had a 10:30pm curfew, 30 minutes earlier than the permit allowed (11:00pm in NC). They break this and the curfew was reduced by 1 hour for thirty days. My middle boy pushed this one to the very edge.
- When time to get a "New Car", they negotiated the buy and made the payments. With the "little white truck" going to the next in line. We recently sold the LTW for $50.00. not bad for a teenage drivers teaching tool.
The scenario probably seems a bit harsh, but hey., all three have their second or third "NEW Car" and none of them get any tickets, etc. now the middle boy's wife is another story.[}:)]
quote:Originally posted by retroxler58
Seems to me from all the different posts, there are as many different ideas, concepts, and terms of handling this type of situation [^]. as there are different teenagers in the world!
I can relate to the issue since I have three grown chaps of my own. The middle boy has a son just under a year old and I hope that I'm around to see his take on this very subject...
Where we live, it's in a rural setting. Some call it the sticks... My wife... she complains that's it's an hour any where we go. Actually, I like it that way 'cause it's an hour to my place anywhere you come from!!![:D]
Back to the issue... When mine reached the age of driving, we had a beat-up '82 Toyota pickup we got for $50.00 from my brother-in-law. He had demolished the front end and I rebuilt it less a bumper and turn lights. Actually, I mounted new "store bought" turn lights with pieces of folded tin cans. The truck was in very good shape except for no front bumper, etc. It would go anywhere I wanted it to. We maintained the insurance on it for the ability to haul ANYTHING away from the house. Well, that's the vehicle of choice when the chaps reached an age that they had their permit.
THE deal was this...
- They got to drive the 'little white truck' as they chose to as long as it wasn't needed to haul any junk off from the house.
- They had to keep gas in it (if I were to have to put gas in it they lost the privilege to drive it).
- They had to keep the oil changed every 3,500 miles and replace the tires if need be.
- I paid the liability insurance on it with them on my insurance and put a new set of tires on it before they started to drive it. Seems that the tires lasted exactly two years, the exact time between chaps.
- If they caused any damage to the truck, the damage was worked out of their money and not the insurance since it was only liability. Time to make any fixes was `patiently' waited out. My wife and I were the only ones to drive `our' vehicles, not the chaps. They also would pay any increase in insurance cost or payment due to their driving habits.
- They get a ticket 'for any reason, period', they lose the privilege to drive it.
- They could not have any other 'teenage' passengers, if caught; they would have lost the privilege to drive the LTW. By the way. the LTW had no working radio either. so the chaps' FULL attention was on driving and not loud tunes.[8D]
- They had a 10:30pm curfew, 30 minutes earlier than the permit allowed (11:00pm in NC). They break this and the curfew was reduced by 1 hour for thirty days. My middle boy pushed this one to the very edge.
- When time to get a "New Car", they negotiated the buy and made the payments. With the "little white truck" going to the next in line. We recently sold the LTW for $50.00. not bad for a teenage drivers teaching tool.
The scenario probably seems a bit harsh, but hey., all three have their second or third "NEW Car" and none of them get any tickets, etc. now the middle boy's wife is another story.[}:)]
Sounds like a good method of providing a vehicle to teenagers.
The BMW is gone. The people that bought it had one and their 19 yr old son wrecked it....this will be a combo of their car and this one to make one "altogether" car. They were a VERY nice couple and I'm glad they got it.
She didn't quit school. We decided to get her away from the "trouble" and she is in college already. She got her G.E.D. and is doing very well. Since we got her out of the local High School we have had NO trouble at all......just typical worries, but not "trouble." Going on two years since all of that kind of mess. I am completely convinced that she is spoiled rotten...but she is a smart gal and gorgeous so spoiled isn't the worst thing ever. She does her chores....is doing well in college....and works as many hours as she can get at her crappy job. She is fine.
Spoiled is better than lazy....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than drunk.....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than being a thief....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than stupid....which she couldn't be further than. Spoiled is not bad...its just aggrivating. She is my sweetie and to heck with anyone that doesn't see her for the wonderful, smart, thoughtful, beautiful girl that she is.
We will deal with her car thing....well, she will. I just don't want her to be in anything that isn't dependable. Teenagers.....nothing is harder.
You make post after post after post about every parenting trial in your household, then when the collective members give our advice or criticism, you get all "momma bear" and throw our comments back in our faces as irrelevant. I mean really, we all have HUGE blind-spots where our kids are concerned..If your posting for objective opinions, that's one thing. But you post to vent, and then get all defensive when people tell you their objective opinions.
So, why post, unless you are either part masochist, or part narcissist...?
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
Spoiled is better than lazy....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than drunk.....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than being a thief....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than stupid....which she couldn't be further than. Spoiled is not bad...its just aggrivating.
Just stop spoiling her nad that too will straighten out. She'll be a much better person and have less troubles if you do, and you can take it from someone who didn't do it in time, it will make your and tour husbands life easier too![;)]
No....just pointing out the good. Coming back at the negative doesn't mean I don't appreciate the input from the people who comment. I think its funny how "perfect" some people's worlds are. I wouldn't trade one day of our lives for "perfect."
Now.....the people who have actually HAD teenagers they are in a better position to understand things and how it all works. The ones that have teenagers that aren't "perfect" probobly see a little more what I do. I think the people who like to judge others are rediculous. Just because someone is pretty....has nice things....and wasn't perfect doesn't mean they are bad. Oh.....AND....because I'm not all about punishment, lectures, chores and constantly battling it out with her doesn't mean she pushes us around. She is where she is supposed to be....doing what she is supposed to do....and we just want her in a safe car. There is no drama to this like some would like to think. Funny how only knowing less than 6% about someone makes people think they KNOW them and how things are.
Deheff.....We aren't spoiling her any more. She had it VERY easy and took big time advantage of it. She is just now realizing how good she had it. McDonalds pay and college classes are a bit of a wakeup. She has a great bunch of friends right now that have made the biggest difference. The "crew" they hang out with have sooooo much to do with what is going on in a young person's life. Its hard to keep up with it all when things get hard.....but good friends mean the world as far as what I have seen.
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
.....but good friends mean the world as far as what I have seen.
Yep, old Josh learned that that still matters, even at 35! One bad choice in friends ended up costing him $10,000 that it's going to take him 5 years to pay off.
Lesson well learned, especially when we didn't come to the aid with cash.[^]
That's my point. You only know as much about any person on this forum as they are willing to give you. I'm sure your daughter is a decent enough person, and I would probably find her charming were I to know her. No one is perfect, no one's kids are. If other opinions mean nothing, then why solicit them on a public forum? Then once said responses are given, you can hardly blame others for the opinions they form regarding the limited amount of information you give them.
Oh, and please, we all think our children are wonderful, amazing, beautiful, talented, smart, etc....Some of us just know that to the rest of the world, they are just another kid.
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
No....just pointing out the good. Coming back at the negative doesn't mean I don't appreciate the input from the people who comment. I think its funny how "perfect" some people's worlds are. I wouldn't trade one day of our lives for "perfect."
Now.....the people who have actually HAD teenagers they are in a better position to understand things and how it all works. The ones that have teenagers that aren't "perfect" probobly see a little more what I do. I think the people who like to judge others are rediculous. Just because someone is pretty....has nice things....and wasn't perfect doesn't mean they are bad. Oh.....AND....because I'm not all about punishment, lectures, chores and constantly battling it out with her doesn't mean she pushes us around. She is where she is supposed to be....doing what she is supposed to do....and we just want her in a safe car. There is no drama to this like some would like to think. Funny how only knowing less than 6% about someone makes people think they KNOW them and how things are.
Deheff.....We aren't spoiling her any more. She had it VERY easy and took big time advantage of it. She is just now realizing how good she had it. McDonalds pay and college classes are a bit of a wakeup. She has a great bunch of friends right now that have made the biggest difference. The "crew" they hang out with have sooooo much to do with what is going on in a young person's life. Its hard to keep up with it all when things get hard.....but good friends mean the world as far as what I have seen.
Well I am glad you like trials and tribulations, because you always seem to have one.
Nobody on here claimed to have a perfect existence, or perfect kids, I just happen to have hard working children who are respectful because it is how they were raised. Please do not criticize me because I made good choices for myself, and my children regarding their upbringing. You reap what you sow, and it is never more evident than with the children you raise. I made a lot of sacrafices to make sure my kids got a good upbringing, and they had a solid family foundation to rely on, and fall back to when things got tough. Your idea of a "perfect life" is ridiculous, the only one that exists is to the person who is completely content within their own existence, regardless of how others see it.
If you are happy, and feel things are ok in your world than your existence is "perfect". If not, you post your trials on a forum for other people to criticize, ridicule, and judge. Again, please do not attack me because I responded to a post where you obviously wanted a response. When I want you to criticize my family unit, or judge them I will make a thread about them for you to respond to
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
The "crew" they hang out with have sooooo much to do with what is going on in a young person's life. Its hard to keep up with it all when things get hard.....but good friends mean the world as far as what I have seen.
This is called a "cop out."
I'm glad your daughter has decided to hang with a more responsible crew. But I hate it when parents use the old "I have no control, it's the people she hangs out with" excuse. Or, I don't have the time nor energy to keep tabs, so they just run rampant. I wasn't a perfect kid. I was my parent's "problem child." But, I use that history to this day to let my kids know whatever they are thinking about doing, however sneaky they think they are, I've been there, I've done that. I'm not afraid of appearing less than perfect. I am bluntly honesty with them. How else can we lead but by example? How can I expect honesty unless I am totally honest? So far, it's working for me.
Like I've said before, I wish I had you for a mother...
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
The BMW is gone. The people that bought it had one and their 19 yr old son wrecked it....this will be a combo of their car and this one to make one "altogether" car. They were a VERY nice couple and I'm glad they got it.
She didn't quit school. We decided to get her away from the "trouble" and she is in college already. She got her G.E.D. and is doing very well. Since we got her out of the local High School we have had NO trouble at all......just typical worries, but not "trouble." Going on two years since all of that kind of mess. I am completely convinced that she is spoiled rotten...but she is a smart gal and gorgeous so spoiled isn't the worst thing ever. She does her chores....is doing well in college....and works as many hours as she can get at her crappy job. She is fine.
Spoiled is better than lazy....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than drunk.....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than being a thief....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than stupid....which she couldn't be further than. Spoiled is not bad...its just aggrivating. She is my sweetie and to heck with anyone that doesn't see her for the wonderful, smart, thoughtful, beautiful girl that she is.
We will deal with her car thing....well, she will. I just don't want her to be in anything that isn't dependable. Teenagers.....nothing is harder.
WOW did you have a gunbroker member speak at her "graduation" too???
Thought you said she was smart. Jeez I didn't think you could sink down any further in my book, not that you probably care. People like you usually don't.
And all the news stations are giving OCTO MOM a bad rap, they need to head to northern Alabama and find someone else to pick on.
rcrxs...I think we are really on the same page, but there is no "cop out" about the friends. I really and truely believe that it was a major part of why we had so many issues for that year when things got hard. She decided to go that route....and had an ARMY of loosers to pave the way. Until we got her out of the local school I didn't think we would get her back. Since those days it is like night and day.
I know she is "just another kid" but if you read through the posts.....only because I said I wasn't repairing her car some decided to come back with things like "this one is a lost cause" and "she has everything handed to her" which is WRONG. She is doing very well.....job (not the best job ever but she has one) and college (which there is NO bus that comes to the country and takes you to college.)
Todsengel....you can choose to take my comments PERSONALLY if you want. I don't know if you realize just how much we probobly have in common. My oldest is one of the VERY smartest people you could ever hope to meet. She tested in the top 10% children in the U.S. and was invited to take her ACT in the 7th grade. Since they hadn't ever dealt with this situation and didn't know how to help her practice for this at her school they decided to let her practice the graduation exams with the older kids....and took several practice tests (which she passed FIVE YEARS earlier than required.) She comes from a home where BOTH parents are loving and very involved in her life. Both sets of Grandparents are still married and also very involved in her life. There is no drunk in her life....no porn in her house....not even a cuss word is used by anyone who in involved with her. I stayed home with her when she was little and she even got to try a few sports as she grew up. Don't tell me A DANG THING about "reaping what you sow" because it just happens. You cannot tell me I could have done ANYTHING differently or better and it wouldn't have been just as hard. We are a great family and have a great outlook for our kids. We are hard working and VERY involved.
One funny thing that happened at my son's football practice. I was sitting in the chairs talking to an old friend of mine. Her daughter came by and chatted for a bit. She was everything I wished my daughter would bring around (rather than the low life it seemed she drifted toward.) She was popular, made good grades and was surrounded by what seemed to be a halo. I asked Teresa (my friend) if her daughter was doing well. She said she was trying out for cheerleading and had made straight A's I asked my girl..."why don't you ever bring Ashley around....her Mom and I were best friends back when we were in school and Ashley seems really nice." "You could have better friends" "You aren't the trash you seem to be leaning toward all of the time." My girl said back to me......."Ashley sells Loratab at school MOM!"
rogue_rob.....that is a mighty BOLD comment coming from someone whe FAILED high school. She is leaps and bounds above you in my book. (One reason is how kind she is which YOU have proven to be a pig.)
My problem child, the one wrecked the new car at 17, the one who wrecked her graduation car.The one who wrecked her mamas car. Finally she made it thru college. Got a good job. Now has TWO masters degrees. One in sociology. One MBA. Now is a VP for a Fortune 100 company. She was spoiled- I still spoil HER[^]
LF, I don't know you and can only respond to the information presented to me on these forums.
I never said your child was not smart, I have no way to judge that. She is irresponsible from what I have read, but that is as far as I can take my assumption.
You put this out here, not I. My children are not perfect, nor did I ever imply that they were. I am not perfect, my wife is not perfect, not have I ever met anyone who was. I would NOT however tolerate that behavior in my home, nor be as lenient as you.
I would never say that you are a uncaring parent, or that your household was not a loving one. Once again I am not there to see this, so I would never assume that you do not care or love your child. That being said, the way you handle some of the situtaions that arise with her seem to be decisions that would do nothing to correct the behavior you do not like, but rather bolster them. I am not the all knowing/seeing eye, so I will just shut up.
I will say to ALL here that I was not the perfect parent! I made mistakes EVERY day. I wish my kids came from the womb with an owners manual, but alas, they don't! I just wish I could turn back the hands of time to remedy what I did.
I will NOT judge any of their parenting skills. It is an ongoing learning process, even after they are "grown".
well my youngest graduated high school last night,when he turned 16 I gave him an older Caddy sedan deville to drive so I cant talk about the choice of car,he works at KFC ,he pays his own car expenses with the exception of insurance and even at 16 full coverage on his Caddy was only $40 a month,I can understand having my/any child in a safe car.its not if they wreck it,its when they wreck itand I want as much good old USA steel around him as I can get.I am not going to put him in something that is going to break down on the side of the road at midnight while he is on his way home from work,Now I am not saying break the bank but if you are going to let your child drive it should be in the best/safest car you can afford.
quote:Originally posted by Locust Fork
rogue_rob.....that is a mighty BOLD comment coming from someone whe FAILED high school. She is leaps and bounds above you in my book. (One reason is how kind she is which YOU have proven to be a pig.)
That comment just earned this thread a lock. I don't care what Rob has done in his childhood. He has served our country in time of war, and he has been here, in Iraq, many times and has lived to return with honor. Your daughter has done none of that, and therefore cannot possibly hope to be "leaps and bounds above" anyone who has.
quote:Originally posted by gjshaw
quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
I think that it's too late for this one.
She has reached a level of adulthood where she knows how to get whatever she wants.
Unfortunately, she's pretty, and if Mom & Dad won't give it to her, she'll find a 23 to 30 year old Man who will.
She will follow the money.
Sorry, Kasey, but that's my thinking, unless SHE changes herself drastically - I don't think you can, anymore.
Doug
+1
A person with a problem will not admit they have one till they are ready to. All the shrinks and good advise in the world by friends will fall on deaf ears till they are ready to hear it.
+2
I hope the pretty young lady the best...
Zulu...LF is a Persian Gulf War I Vet...both Rob and she were out of line on this one...perhaps it should stay locked. Just wanted to make sure you were informed of Kasey's status as a Vet.[:)]
Comments
I agree with everyone else. You should've never bought her a car to begin with, and you DEFINITELY shouldn't have bought her a BMW.
When I first got my license, I was driving my sister's 93 Geo Metro wagon, and I was extremely happy. I had wheels. I had a license. I didn't want anything more. All I had to do was pay for repairs, gas, and insurance. It was a good deal. I could drive a week or more on a tank of gas.
When I had some money, I bought a car of my own, for $1500. A 94 Ford Escort wagon. I paid for all of the repairs out of my own pocket. I filled the tank out of my own pocket. I was even able to afford to put a halfway decent stereo system in it, that I paid for with my own money (even though my brother installed it).
The next vehicle I drove for a short period of time was my dad's 94 Mustang. It had a 3.8L V6 and an auto transmission. This was to fill a time gap so I could still drive to work, because my Escort got wrecked by an old woman driving on the wrong side of the road during a blizzard. I only drove the Mustang for a month.
Then I bought my 90 Ranger for $2000 cash. Bought it with my own money. I still have it, and I bought it back in May or June 2005. It needs work that I don't really have the time, money, patience, or space to do. It's old, and tired, and it's going to be getting sold soon. I paid for all of the maintenance (including tires), gas, insurance, and a few "goodies" out of my own pocket.
In 2007, I bought my 2001 Mercury Grand Marquis. I'm paying all the payments out of my own pocket, I'm paying the insurance out of my own pocket, and I couldn't be happier with the car. It's a big, comfortable car that gets halfway decent mileage (for its size), and if I'm ever in a crash with it, I know I'll live through it because it's the safest domestic car built today.
I bought my first motorcycle in 2008, for $600 cash, and I paid for all of the repairs, insurance and gas out of my pocket.
And just recently, I purchased a 2009 Triumph Daytona 675. Like my car, it's also financed, but I made a $2500 down payment with money that I had.
My point is, I've only had 1 car that I drove for more than a month that didn't belong to ME. And in all of that time, I've only lost 1 car due to a collision. Being the TRUE owner of a vehicle (the one who pays for everything concerned with the car) teaches you to care for and respect that vehicle, and do everything to protect your investment.
Cars are, by nature, money pits. All you can do is try to take care of them so you don't spent quite as much money on them.
Make her buy her own, with money that she earned. Make her pay the insurance. Yeah, she'll be paying more than the average 17 year old, but that's because of her own actions. Make her fill the gas tank with her own money. She'll realize sooner or later that joy-riding around with friends is expensive, and she won't do it as much. Make her pay for the repairs. She'll realize just how big a money pit owning a vehicle is.
And ALWAYS remind her that in our country, driving is NOT a right; it's a privilege that can be taken away.
remember....I didn't BUY her that car. It was a gift from her Grandparents. I wasn't about to turn it down either. Who turns down a free BMW? I will hate to see it go. That was a fun little car.
A responsible adult if they know it's being given to a 16 year old.
I got an idea, Give her the camaro [:D][:D] BUT MAKE SURE I CAN DRIVE IT FIRST- I'd like it to be in ONE PIECE [:D]
Or...you want your 16 yr old in one of the very safest cars around.... whichever way you look at it. Either way the BMW kept her silly but safe when she was ran off the road, which is what I am thankful for. If she were in the Escape when it happened it most likely would have fishtailed and then rolled. Not the case in the "beemer" (poor little thing.)
My Escort was a VERY safe car, and it only cost me $1500. It survived a head on collision with a car that weighed a LOT more than it did...a mid-80s Buick LeSabre.
No disrespect intended, but I don't think you as an adult are making responsible decisions in regards to raising a teenager. From what you've posted, you let her control everything. You need to be the adult and put your foot down. Draw a line in the sand, and let her know that if she crosses it there WILL be consequences.
My parents hated the idea of me using my sister's Geo Metro, and that was for 1 school year. They wanted me to have my own vehicle that I paid for out of pocket. Oh yeah, and they had no problems reminding me that they had the power to remove my driving privilege if I didn't meet their requirements, i.e., job, good grades, no law violations, no collisions.
She is the child, you are the adult. You are her parent. That doesn't mean you need to be their friend. I hated my parents for a LONG time because they didn't let me do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Now that I'm older and more responsible, I have a really good relationship with Dad, and I don't speak to Mom at all (but that's a different topic all together). But before I stopped speaking to Mom, I had a really good relationship with her, too.
It was night-and-day from when I was in high school, because they were tough on me, and made me learn responsibility through my own mistakes. Now that I'm older, I can see what they were doing, but at the time, I was as blind as a bat. I though they were just being *.
Your kids are going to like you or hate you based on what you teach them. Teenagers are bone-heads, and only learn the hard way. If you keep giving in to them, they'll learn how to manipulate you the rest of your life, and they'll never truly be independent.
If you let them learn the hard way, they'll learn responsibility on their own, and they might hate you for the next couple of years, but around the time they turn 23 or 24, they'll ask for your forgiveness for all the years of them being boneheads, and then you can be their friend.
STOP GIVING IN TO A 17 YEAR OLD!!!!!!! It's time to pull the purse strings closed, and let her do things on her own.
If she needs a ride to work, she can carpool with a coworker. If she needs to get to school, she can ride the damn bus! You're already paying for the bus through your taxes, so why not use the damn thing? It's free to them, and it's SAFE.
IF she was my daughter (and I'm glad she's not), I'd be MAKING her ride the school bus. I would never have let her drive a BMW, and I would never have let anyone GIVE her a vehicle. It's a responsibility that MUST be earned.
I think you need to put her in her place. If you don't, things are only going to get worse, and in the future, she'll end up hating you for not being harder on her.
Talk her into looking at a (gently) used Camry or Civic. (been driving a 87 Camry with 287,000 on the clock for the past 5 years) cost $700+licensing and title fees,($60 or so) new tires,($200) wheel bearing,($29 and 3 hrs) + oil changes. (battery,and a alternator in the last 3 months,maybe it's finally getting too old) It just keeps ticking along.
Pretty? NO! Dependable? Yeppers! Wouldn't be a bit afraid to drive it cross country and over the Rockies.
Conversely, the XJ has been down,or limping for at least half the time I've owned it. Fan clutch,radiator,window regulator,crank sensor,cam sensor,ECU,coil,NSS,alternator,AC problems,heater core, (big job,unnecessarily so,not fixed,I'm in Fl and don't need it)and is down now needing a starter. New,just have to take it back and exchange it but it's been raining and I don't want to lay in 3" of water to change it.
Granted some of the down time has been my fault,because I'm rough on it,but there's no way I'd want as an only car and not live near a bus line. It's a toy,and an expensive one at that! Never know whether it's gonna start or leave you stranded. (Doug take heed,last XJ was 01,and the 01 4.0 has known head problems)
I'd recommend anybody new to Jeeps check out a couple of the Jeep Forums online and see what the known problems are with different models before investing in one,need to know what you're getting into.
Yeah I'd buy another one... but then I'm certifyable.
and
I've got the Camry to fall back on!
[;)]
Allen
What's wrong with driving crap?
Depends on how dangerous the streets of the city, where a crap car might be breaking down in. So if you make 'em drive a crap car, at least get a good cell phone plan.
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
What's wrong with driving crap?
Depends on how dangerous the streets of the city, where a crap car might be breaking down in. So if you make 'em drive a crap car, at least get a good cell phone plan.
I think some tough love would be more appropriate than anything else at this point. This girl is 17, has quit school (I believe from what I have read) works at McNasties (with a goal of upgrading to Best Buy) and lives at home getting everything handed to her (presumptious perhaps, but fact from what I have read). Where is the drive, and motivation to provide for herself here? What part of parenting is being exhibited here? I pray that I am not just preaching from a soapbox, and I do not have the same trials thrown at me by any of my children. I believe I have instilled more values in my children than this. My oldest is 17, an "a" student, responsible, no signs of this behavior. My next oldest is 16 and is the same. None of my children have any of these problems so did we parent right, or just get lucky? Time will tell...
She has reached a level of adulthood where she knows how to get whatever she wants.
Unfortunately, she's pretty, and if Mom & Dad won't give it to her, she'll find a 23 to 30 year old Man who will.
She will follow the money.
Sorry, Kasey, but that's my thinking, unless SHE changes herself drastically - I don't think you can, anymore.
Doug
I think that it's too late for this one.
She has reached a level of adulthood where she knows how to get whatever she wants.
Unfortunately, she's pretty, and if Mom & Dad won't give it to her, she'll find a 23 to 30 year old Man who will.
She will follow the money.
Sorry, Kasey, but that's my thinking, unless SHE changes herself drastically - I don't think you can, anymore.
Doug
+1
A person with a problem will not admit they have one till they are ready to. All the shrinks and good advise in the world by friends will fall on deaf ears till they are ready to hear it.
I can relate to the issue since I have three grown chaps of my own. The middle boy has a son just under a year old and I hope that I'm around to see his take on this very subject...
Where we live, it's in a rural setting. Some call it the sticks... My wife... she complains that's it's an hour any where we go. Actually, I like it that way 'cause it's an hour to my place anywhere you come from!!![:D]
Back to the issue... When mine reached the age of driving, we had a beat-up '82 Toyota pickup we got for $50.00 from my brother-in-law. He had demolished the front end and I rebuilt it less a bumper and turn lights. Actually, I mounted new "store bought" turn lights with pieces of folded tin cans. The truck was in very good shape except for no front bumper, etc. It would go anywhere I wanted it to. We maintained the insurance on it for the ability to haul ANYTHING away from the house. Well, that's the vehicle of choice when the chaps reached an age that they had their permit.
THE deal was this...
- They got to drive the 'little white truck' as they chose to as long as it wasn't needed to haul any junk off from the house.
- They had to keep gas in it (if I were to have to put gas in it they lost the privilege to drive it).
- They had to keep the oil changed every 3,500 miles and replace the tires if need be.
- I paid the liability insurance on it with them on my insurance and put a new set of tires on it before they started to drive it. Seems that the tires lasted exactly two years, the exact time between chaps.
- If they caused any damage to the truck, the damage was worked out of their money and not the insurance since it was only liability. Time to make any fixes was `patiently' waited out. My wife and I were the only ones to drive `our' vehicles, not the chaps. They also would pay any increase in insurance cost or payment due to their driving habits.
- They get a ticket 'for any reason, period', they lose the privilege to drive it.
- They could not have any other 'teenage' passengers, if caught; they would have lost the privilege to drive the LTW. By the way. the LTW had no working radio either. so the chaps' FULL attention was on driving and not loud tunes.[8D]
- They had a 10:30pm curfew, 30 minutes earlier than the permit allowed (11:00pm in NC). They break this and the curfew was reduced by 1 hour for thirty days. My middle boy pushed this one to the very edge.
- When time to get a "New Car", they negotiated the buy and made the payments. With the "little white truck" going to the next in line. We recently sold the LTW for $50.00. not bad for a teenage drivers teaching tool.
The scenario probably seems a bit harsh, but hey., all three have their second or third "NEW Car" and none of them get any tickets, etc. now the middle boy's wife is another story.[}:)]
Seems to me from all the different posts, there are as many different ideas, concepts, and terms of handling this type of situation [^]. as there are different teenagers in the world!
I can relate to the issue since I have three grown chaps of my own. The middle boy has a son just under a year old and I hope that I'm around to see his take on this very subject...
Where we live, it's in a rural setting. Some call it the sticks... My wife... she complains that's it's an hour any where we go. Actually, I like it that way 'cause it's an hour to my place anywhere you come from!!![:D]
Back to the issue... When mine reached the age of driving, we had a beat-up '82 Toyota pickup we got for $50.00 from my brother-in-law. He had demolished the front end and I rebuilt it less a bumper and turn lights. Actually, I mounted new "store bought" turn lights with pieces of folded tin cans. The truck was in very good shape except for no front bumper, etc. It would go anywhere I wanted it to. We maintained the insurance on it for the ability to haul ANYTHING away from the house. Well, that's the vehicle of choice when the chaps reached an age that they had their permit.
THE deal was this...
- They got to drive the 'little white truck' as they chose to as long as it wasn't needed to haul any junk off from the house.
- They had to keep gas in it (if I were to have to put gas in it they lost the privilege to drive it).
- They had to keep the oil changed every 3,500 miles and replace the tires if need be.
- I paid the liability insurance on it with them on my insurance and put a new set of tires on it before they started to drive it. Seems that the tires lasted exactly two years, the exact time between chaps.
- If they caused any damage to the truck, the damage was worked out of their money and not the insurance since it was only liability. Time to make any fixes was `patiently' waited out. My wife and I were the only ones to drive `our' vehicles, not the chaps. They also would pay any increase in insurance cost or payment due to their driving habits.
- They get a ticket 'for any reason, period', they lose the privilege to drive it.
- They could not have any other 'teenage' passengers, if caught; they would have lost the privilege to drive the LTW. By the way. the LTW had no working radio either. so the chaps' FULL attention was on driving and not loud tunes.[8D]
- They had a 10:30pm curfew, 30 minutes earlier than the permit allowed (11:00pm in NC). They break this and the curfew was reduced by 1 hour for thirty days. My middle boy pushed this one to the very edge.
- When time to get a "New Car", they negotiated the buy and made the payments. With the "little white truck" going to the next in line. We recently sold the LTW for $50.00. not bad for a teenage drivers teaching tool.
The scenario probably seems a bit harsh, but hey., all three have their second or third "NEW Car" and none of them get any tickets, etc. now the middle boy's wife is another story.[}:)]
Sounds like a good method of providing a vehicle to teenagers.
She didn't quit school. We decided to get her away from the "trouble" and she is in college already. She got her G.E.D. and is doing very well. Since we got her out of the local High School we have had NO trouble at all......just typical worries, but not "trouble." Going on two years since all of that kind of mess. I am completely convinced that she is spoiled rotten...but she is a smart gal and gorgeous so spoiled isn't the worst thing ever. She does her chores....is doing well in college....and works as many hours as she can get at her crappy job. She is fine.
Spoiled is better than lazy....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than drunk.....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than being a thief....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than stupid....which she couldn't be further than. Spoiled is not bad...its just aggrivating. She is my sweetie and to heck with anyone that doesn't see her for the wonderful, smart, thoughtful, beautiful girl that she is.
We will deal with her car thing....well, she will. I just don't want her to be in anything that isn't dependable. Teenagers.....nothing is harder.
You make post after post after post about every parenting trial in your household, then when the collective members give our advice or criticism, you get all "momma bear" and throw our comments back in our faces as irrelevant. I mean really, we all have HUGE blind-spots where our kids are concerned..If your posting for objective opinions, that's one thing. But you post to vent, and then get all defensive when people tell you their objective opinions.
So, why post, unless you are either part masochist, or part narcissist...?
Spoiled is better than lazy....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than drunk.....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than being a thief....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than stupid....which she couldn't be further than. Spoiled is not bad...its just aggrivating.
Just stop spoiling her nad that too will straighten out. She'll be a much better person and have less troubles if you do, and you can take it from someone who didn't do it in time, it will make your and tour husbands life easier too![;)]
Now.....the people who have actually HAD teenagers they are in a better position to understand things and how it all works. The ones that have teenagers that aren't "perfect" probobly see a little more what I do. I think the people who like to judge others are rediculous. Just because someone is pretty....has nice things....and wasn't perfect doesn't mean they are bad. Oh.....AND....because I'm not all about punishment, lectures, chores and constantly battling it out with her doesn't mean she pushes us around. She is where she is supposed to be....doing what she is supposed to do....and we just want her in a safe car. There is no drama to this like some would like to think. Funny how only knowing less than 6% about someone makes people think they KNOW them and how things are.
Deheff.....We aren't spoiling her any more. She had it VERY easy and took big time advantage of it. She is just now realizing how good she had it. McDonalds pay and college classes are a bit of a wakeup. She has a great bunch of friends right now that have made the biggest difference. The "crew" they hang out with have sooooo much to do with what is going on in a young person's life. Its hard to keep up with it all when things get hard.....but good friends mean the world as far as what I have seen.
.....but good friends mean the world as far as what I have seen.
Yep, old Josh learned that that still matters, even at 35! One bad choice in friends ended up costing him $10,000 that it's going to take him 5 years to pay off.
Lesson well learned, especially when we didn't come to the aid with cash.[^]
Oh, and please, we all think our children are wonderful, amazing, beautiful, talented, smart, etc....Some of us just know that to the rest of the world, they are just another kid.
No....just pointing out the good. Coming back at the negative doesn't mean I don't appreciate the input from the people who comment. I think its funny how "perfect" some people's worlds are. I wouldn't trade one day of our lives for "perfect."
Now.....the people who have actually HAD teenagers they are in a better position to understand things and how it all works. The ones that have teenagers that aren't "perfect" probobly see a little more what I do. I think the people who like to judge others are rediculous. Just because someone is pretty....has nice things....and wasn't perfect doesn't mean they are bad. Oh.....AND....because I'm not all about punishment, lectures, chores and constantly battling it out with her doesn't mean she pushes us around. She is where she is supposed to be....doing what she is supposed to do....and we just want her in a safe car. There is no drama to this like some would like to think. Funny how only knowing less than 6% about someone makes people think they KNOW them and how things are.
Deheff.....We aren't spoiling her any more. She had it VERY easy and took big time advantage of it. She is just now realizing how good she had it. McDonalds pay and college classes are a bit of a wakeup. She has a great bunch of friends right now that have made the biggest difference. The "crew" they hang out with have sooooo much to do with what is going on in a young person's life. Its hard to keep up with it all when things get hard.....but good friends mean the world as far as what I have seen.
Well I am glad you like trials and tribulations, because you always seem to have one.
Nobody on here claimed to have a perfect existence, or perfect kids, I just happen to have hard working children who are respectful because it is how they were raised. Please do not criticize me because I made good choices for myself, and my children regarding their upbringing. You reap what you sow, and it is never more evident than with the children you raise. I made a lot of sacrafices to make sure my kids got a good upbringing, and they had a solid family foundation to rely on, and fall back to when things got tough. Your idea of a "perfect life" is ridiculous, the only one that exists is to the person who is completely content within their own existence, regardless of how others see it.
If you are happy, and feel things are ok in your world than your existence is "perfect". If not, you post your trials on a forum for other people to criticize, ridicule, and judge. Again, please do not attack me because I responded to a post where you obviously wanted a response. When I want you to criticize my family unit, or judge them I will make a thread about them for you to respond to
The "crew" they hang out with have sooooo much to do with what is going on in a young person's life. Its hard to keep up with it all when things get hard.....but good friends mean the world as far as what I have seen.
This is called a "cop out."
I'm glad your daughter has decided to hang with a more responsible crew. But I hate it when parents use the old "I have no control, it's the people she hangs out with" excuse. Or, I don't have the time nor energy to keep tabs, so they just run rampant. I wasn't a perfect kid. I was my parent's "problem child." But, I use that history to this day to let my kids know whatever they are thinking about doing, however sneaky they think they are, I've been there, I've done that. I'm not afraid of appearing less than perfect. I am bluntly honesty with them. How else can we lead but by example? How can I expect honesty unless I am totally honest? So far, it's working for me.
Like I've said before, I wish I had you for a mother...
The BMW is gone. The people that bought it had one and their 19 yr old son wrecked it....this will be a combo of their car and this one to make one "altogether" car. They were a VERY nice couple and I'm glad they got it.
She didn't quit school. We decided to get her away from the "trouble" and she is in college already. She got her G.E.D. and is doing very well. Since we got her out of the local High School we have had NO trouble at all......just typical worries, but not "trouble." Going on two years since all of that kind of mess. I am completely convinced that she is spoiled rotten...but she is a smart gal and gorgeous so spoiled isn't the worst thing ever. She does her chores....is doing well in college....and works as many hours as she can get at her crappy job. She is fine.
Spoiled is better than lazy....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than drunk.....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than being a thief....which she isn't. Spoiled is better than stupid....which she couldn't be further than. Spoiled is not bad...its just aggrivating. She is my sweetie and to heck with anyone that doesn't see her for the wonderful, smart, thoughtful, beautiful girl that she is.
We will deal with her car thing....well, she will. I just don't want her to be in anything that isn't dependable. Teenagers.....nothing is harder.
WOW did you have a gunbroker member speak at her "graduation" too???
Thought you said she was smart. Jeez I didn't think you could sink down any further in my book, not that you probably care. People like you usually don't.
And all the news stations are giving OCTO MOM a bad rap, they need to head to northern Alabama and find someone else to pick on.
I know she is "just another kid" but if you read through the posts.....only because I said I wasn't repairing her car some decided to come back with things like "this one is a lost cause" and "she has everything handed to her" which is WRONG. She is doing very well.....job (not the best job ever but she has one) and college (which there is NO bus that comes to the country and takes you to college.)
Todsengel....you can choose to take my comments PERSONALLY if you want. I don't know if you realize just how much we probobly have in common. My oldest is one of the VERY smartest people you could ever hope to meet. She tested in the top 10% children in the U.S. and was invited to take her ACT in the 7th grade. Since they hadn't ever dealt with this situation and didn't know how to help her practice for this at her school they decided to let her practice the graduation exams with the older kids....and took several practice tests (which she passed FIVE YEARS earlier than required.) She comes from a home where BOTH parents are loving and very involved in her life. Both sets of Grandparents are still married and also very involved in her life. There is no drunk in her life....no porn in her house....not even a cuss word is used by anyone who in involved with her. I stayed home with her when she was little and she even got to try a few sports as she grew up. Don't tell me A DANG THING about "reaping what you sow" because it just happens. You cannot tell me I could have done ANYTHING differently or better and it wouldn't have been just as hard. We are a great family and have a great outlook for our kids. We are hard working and VERY involved.
One funny thing that happened at my son's football practice. I was sitting in the chairs talking to an old friend of mine. Her daughter came by and chatted for a bit. She was everything I wished my daughter would bring around (rather than the low life it seemed she drifted toward.) She was popular, made good grades and was surrounded by what seemed to be a halo. I asked Teresa (my friend) if her daughter was doing well. She said she was trying out for cheerleading and had made straight A's I asked my girl..."why don't you ever bring Ashley around....her Mom and I were best friends back when we were in school and Ashley seems really nice." "You could have better friends" "You aren't the trash you seem to be leaning toward all of the time." My girl said back to me......."Ashley sells Loratab at school MOM!"
I never said your child was not smart, I have no way to judge that. She is irresponsible from what I have read, but that is as far as I can take my assumption.
You put this out here, not I. My children are not perfect, nor did I ever imply that they were. I am not perfect, my wife is not perfect, not have I ever met anyone who was. I would NOT however tolerate that behavior in my home, nor be as lenient as you.
I would never say that you are a uncaring parent, or that your household was not a loving one. Once again I am not there to see this, so I would never assume that you do not care or love your child. That being said, the way you handle some of the situtaions that arise with her seem to be decisions that would do nothing to correct the behavior you do not like, but rather bolster them. I am not the all knowing/seeing eye, so I will just shut up.
I will NOT judge any of their parenting skills. It is an ongoing learning process, even after they are "grown".
I wish all the best in their child rearing,
Lance
rogue_rob.....that is a mighty BOLD comment coming from someone whe FAILED high school. She is leaps and bounds above you in my book. (One reason is how kind she is which YOU have proven to be a pig.)
That comment just earned this thread a lock. I don't care what Rob has done in his childhood. He has served our country in time of war, and he has been here, in Iraq, many times and has lived to return with honor. Your daughter has done none of that, and therefore cannot possibly hope to be "leaps and bounds above" anyone who has.
When you insult one veteran, you insult us all.
quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
I think that it's too late for this one.
She has reached a level of adulthood where she knows how to get whatever she wants.
Unfortunately, she's pretty, and if Mom & Dad won't give it to her, she'll find a 23 to 30 year old Man who will.
She will follow the money.
Sorry, Kasey, but that's my thinking, unless SHE changes herself drastically - I don't think you can, anymore.
Doug
+1
A person with a problem will not admit they have one till they are ready to. All the shrinks and good advise in the world by friends will fall on deaf ears till they are ready to hear it.
+2
I hope the pretty young lady the best...
Zulu...LF is a Persian Gulf War I Vet...both Rob and she were out of line on this one...perhaps it should stay locked. Just wanted to make sure you were informed of Kasey's status as a Vet.[:)]