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looks like my ex will pass this weekend

djh860djh860 Member Posts: 3,232 ✭✭✭
edited September 2012 in General Discussion
It was not an agreeable divorce. I dont want to be at her bedside but her family and my sons want me there. To complicate things im moving this weekend and i have lots of work to do. Advice is appreciated.
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  • Marc1301Marc1301 Member Posts: 31,895 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Myself,.....I would respect the wishes of my children, and her family, and let my anger go for a little while.

    It's the last thing you will have to do concerning her.
    "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here." - William Shatner
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  • guntech59guntech59 Member Posts: 23,188 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I would not go to my ex's bedside to watch her die....no matter what my kids wanted.

    She hurt me and I am a vindictive SOB.
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  • searcher5searcher5 Member Posts: 13,511 ✭
    edited November -1
    Whatever you do, or do not do at this time, will be remembered by some who are important to you. Your actions cannot be taken back.

    Many a family divide is created at a deathbed.

    Whatever you do, do with honor and grace.

    Dan
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  • proappproapp Member Posts: 3,264
    edited November -1
    If at all possible, take the high road.
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  • burchieburchie Member Posts: 195 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Not no, but Hell no, I do not know your background or history but the ties are now broken. There is no reason to open old wounds to appease others. Finish your move and dont look back.
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  • hdcolt51hdcolt51 Member Posts: 4,585 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I agree with Marc,for the kids
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  • tomahawktomahawk Member Posts: 11,826
    edited November -1
    i have nothin to say to my ex wife
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  • Okie MomOkie Mom Member Posts: 1,234 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
    Myself,.....I would respect the wishes of my children, and her family, and let my anger go for a little while.

    It's the last thing you will have to do concerning her.


    For the kids, YES. You don't have to stay long. Put in an appearance for your KIDS.
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  • Old-ColtsOld-Colts Member Posts: 22,697 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
    Myself,.....I would respect the wishes of my children....Yes!!!!!

    If you can't feel the music; it's only pink noise!

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  • medic07medic07 Member Posts: 5,222 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    While I do not know the history, she is the mother of your sons and they and her family think enough of you to ask you to be there.

    A man needs to put aside his anger and hurt at times like these and do the compassionate thing and be there for the family if not for her directly.
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  • misstmisst Member Posts: 707 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by djh860
    It was not an agreeable divorce. I dont want to be at her bedside but her family and my sons want me there. To complicate things im moving this weekend and i have lots of work to do. Advice is appreciated.

    Your kids need you. Why the question?
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  • bigoutsidebigoutside Member Posts: 19,443 ✭
    edited November -1
    I'd visit in case there are any fences to be mended and to say 'good bye'.

    But I don't think I'd make a cot and stay till the end.
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  • beneteaubeneteau Member Posts: 8,552 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Respect the wishes of her family and your sons
    GO!
    0M9InwN.gif[
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  • bullshotbullshot Member Posts: 14,720 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    She may be passing but your children are not, I assume that she is the mother of your children, if she is then you should be there if they want you to be. No matter what you may think of or feel for her, she's their mom and as their father you should be there to help them through this. Spouses come and go but your kids are forever.
    They will never forget this so choose well.

    Our prayers sent for them.
    "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you"
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  • LaidbackDanLaidbackDan Member Posts: 13,142 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I think you should go, later on in your life when you reflect on your past decisions you can be at peace with the fact that you were there for your children.

    Just my humble opinion.
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  • select-fireselect-fire Member Posts: 69,525 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I reckon it would depend if you seen her sick prior to going to the hospital.
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  • duckhunterduckhunter Member Posts: 7,687 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    GO> YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID>
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  • SpartacusSpartacus Member Posts: 14,415
    edited November -1
    quote:to say 'good bye'.

    But I don't think I'd make a cot and stay till the end.

    +1



    tom
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  • yoshmysteryoshmyster Member Posts: 22,059 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I'd stop by long enough to hand a clock maybe an egg timer. Then get moving.
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  • djh860djh860 Member Posts: 3,232 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    OK thanks I'm heading there now.
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  • discusdaddiscusdad Member Posts: 11,427 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    good choice sir.
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  • William81William81 Member Posts: 25,482 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by djh860
    OK thanks I'm heading there now.



    I also think you are doing the right thing for your Kids and that is what is important now. Prayers for all of you.
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  • bpostbpost Member Posts: 32,669 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Don't rush out the door, take your time; finish your coffee, eat a hearty breakfast, make sure the cats have fresh water. Get some dusting done, vacuum the floor and clean the toilet.

    Show up just as soon as you can.

    Waiting for someone to die can take a L-O-N-G time.

    But do go.
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  • Sav99Sav99 Member Posts: 16,037 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    You'll be glad you went.
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  • we_dig_itwe_dig_it Member Posts: 6,614 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
    Myself,.....I would respect the wishes of my children, and her family, and let my anger go for a little while.

    It's the last thing you will have to do concerning her.


    +1
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  • OakieOakie Member Posts: 40,565 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Okie Mom
    quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
    Myself,.....I would respect the wishes of my children, and her family, and let my anger go for a little while.

    It's the last thing you will have to do concerning her.


    For the kids, YES. You don't have to stay long. Put in an appearance for your KIDS.


    Good advice. I would make a short apperance and then go about my life. The kids will appricate it more then you realize. JMHO
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  • partisanpartisan Member Posts: 6,414
    edited November -1
    It's fine if your kids want to be with her, but there is absolutely no reason for you to be there! It wasn't a "friendly" separation, and she is just an ex wife to you, nothing more!
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  • reloader44magreloader44mag Member Posts: 18,783 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by bullshot
    She may be passing but your children are not, I assume that she is the mother of your children, if she is then you should be there if they want you to be. No matter what you may think of or feel for her, she's their mom and as their father you should be there to help them through this. Spouses come and go but your kids are forever.
    They will never forget this so choose well.

    Our prayers sent for them.
    Bingo...
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  • COBmmcmssCOBmmcmss Member Posts: 1,174 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    If my ex "...asked that I go to her bedside..." when she was dying, it would cross my mind as she was setting me up for the blame for something. That aside, I would not go to her deathbed.

    I would; however, go to her funeral if only to show the kids you are compassionate to THEM, (then later out of sight of the kids dance on her grave)!

    COB
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  • montanajoemontanajoe Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 60,240 ******
    edited November -1
    I would be there for the kids. Someday there will be your deathbed,who will at that one ??
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  • fishmastyfishmasty Member Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Okie Mom
    quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
    Myself,.....I would respect the wishes of my children, and her family, and let my anger go for a little while.

    It's the last thing you will have to do concerning her.


    For the kids, YES. You don't have to stay long. Put in an appearance for your KIDS.


    That is what my Dad did whe my Mom Passed.
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  • shilowarshilowar Member Posts: 38,811 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by guntech59
    I would not go to my ex's bedside to watch her die....no matter what my kids wanted.

    She hurt me and I am a vindictive SOB.


    agreed....your children need to respect YOUR feelings on the matter.
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  • shilowarshilowar Member Posts: 38,811 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    BTW how long have you been divorced? How long were you married?
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  • k.stanonikk.stanonik Member Posts: 2,109 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    She gave you great kids am i right? I would go and show your children that no matter what has been said or done there is a time to put aside differences and be there for family.
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  • River RatRiver Rat Member Posts: 9,022 ✭
    edited November -1
    Go. You will regret not going much more than you would regret going.

    And my ex was a real btch. But if the kids asked, I might actually do it.
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  • sharpshooter039sharpshooter039 Member Posts: 5,897 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    The only way I would be at my ex's bedside for her last breath is if I was holding the pillow over her face
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  • 4627046270 Member Posts: 12,627
    edited November -1
    I am luck not to the the one causing the ex passing.
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  • ForkliftkingForkliftking Member Posts: 4,907 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Oakie
    quote:Originally posted by Okie Mom
    quote:Originally posted by Marc1301
    Myself,.....I would respect the wishes of my children, and her family, and let my anger go for a little while.

    It's the last thing you will have to do concerning her.


    For the kids, YES. You don't have to stay long. Put in an appearance for your KIDS.


    Good advice. I would make a short apperance and then go about my life. The kids will appricate it more then you realize. JMHO

    +1
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  • djh860djh860 Member Posts: 3,232 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Good advice guys. I went and she looked terrible. I could hear her lungs gurgling with each breath. My sons would have been hurt if I didn't stop in to visit. Her family wanted me to be there and they placed that expectation on my boys.

    Thank you
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  • woodhogwoodhog Member Posts: 13,115 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    you're a bigger man for doing it, and your sons will see that. You made the right move.
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