Got a call from the Social Security Admin today.
You bet. The recording said I was being charged with money laundering! WOW, was I scared to death. Of course I pushed 1 to talk to the wonderfully helpful fellow who gave me his name, the case number and the ID number of himself as proof of his credentials. He asked me to write it down and repeat it back to him, so I did and got all the numbers and letters correct. I was very NERVOUS and asked him what happened. He said my SSN was found in a car in Texas that was full of laundered money. I told him I needed that money back, it was ALL MINE.
He asked for my name to confirm identity, of course I gave him my name, Kevin Edward Polymer, DOB 06/21/1957 and my SSI 320 54 3268 with a zip code of 44266.
I kept asking him if the US Marshals were looking for me, he told me yes and to wait while he cleared up the matter. I made sure to tell him how scared I was that my wife did not know about the money I did not want to go to jail but don't tell my wife about it. I asked if he was going to tell my wife about the girlfriend in the car in Texas, he said it depended on my cooperation.
He keeps asking me to wait, I asked how long I had to wait, he said just wait and let me do my job, I could hear him clacking away on the keyboard. I agreed to keep waiting constantly telling him I think a cop is behind me, please don't have them arrest me. I asked how much of my $6.5 million they found in the car and when I could get it back. I was willing to pay all taxes due on it.
He asked me to wait so I did (lots of windshield time today).
I told him I had to pee from fright and was going pull over and call my lawyer. He asked me to wait while he entered the information and cleared my SSN. Boy was he eager to keep me on the hook.
I told him I had stopped and will call him back ASAP after I pee. I also told him his mother would frown on her bouncing baby boy for scamming people and that the fleas from a thousand camels should infest his armpits.
For some strange reason he hung up on me.
I hope I burned up enough of his time to save some poor sod from falling for his scam.