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Wanted: Polite Insults...
Rembrandt
Member Posts: 4,486 ✭✭
There's a lot of witty people here that may be able to help....I'm looking for some clever but polite insults for an obnoxious co-worker. Prefer one liners that wouldn't be considered "character asassination"....
Comments
Measure twice, cut once.
Empty the clip!
AlleninAlaska
Delta Firearms & Supplies
http://canadianfirearmsexchange.com
aglore@gci.net
"I've always admired people who wern't so vain that they had to look perfect just to come to work."
or
"I find that smell very interesting. I'm glad you're honest enough not to try to hide it."
or
"It takes a dedicated worker to come on to work in your condition."
Measure twice, cut once.
Empty the clip!
"I have a brother in law that is obese.......where do you buy YOUR clothes?"
"Are your parents obese too?"
"What is that material? if it's polyester I have some stuff at home that will get those stains and that smell out,"
"Do you own a horse? I reckognize that smell,"
"Thats a nice sweater/coat/vest, try some wadded scotch tape to get those flakes off the shoulders"
Lord Lowrider the LoquaciousMember:Secret Select Society of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets She was only a fisherman's daughter,But when she saw my rod she reeled.
Anywho..check out this site...
http://www.insults.net/html/everyday/index.html
Lil' Stinker's Opinion
Rembrandt
If its still in print I would highly recomend the book "Insult and Live" A local surfer and comedian here in Santa Cruz by the name of Fred Rees. He wrote another funny book called "Gidget must die" Remember the TV series Gidget? anyway good read!
God Bless our Troops
Virtutis-Gloria-Merces
When you went to school, did you ride on the big bus or the little bus?
"Practice is the best of all instructors."
Publilius Syrus
Keep them coming...
....................
Old? First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to pull your zipper up; then you forget to pull your zipper down.
You can't miss fast enough.
Be polite to the crocodile until your done crossing the river.
Michael
Paranoid keeps you alive, worry just gives you stomach problems.
Politics- From the words poly, meaning many, and tics, which are just little blood suckers.
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?
sound
You can't polish a turd...
What happened to your face? Do you step on rakes for a hobby?
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own?
I don't mind you talking so much, as long as you don't mind me not listening.
Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.
I had clothes like that, I gave them to Goodwill.
Elevator not going all the way to the top floor?
"If you ain't got pictures, I wasn't there."
Margaret Thatcher
"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
Mark Twain
Mudge the insidious
I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS!
[:D][:)][:p][}:)][;)][8D][:o)][:I][B)][^][?]
ATF
"Save your breath, you'll need it later to blow up your date!"
I had a sweater/shirt/etc just like that,...in the 6TH grade!
I'll give your suggestion all the consideration it's due[;)]
Nice haircut,....looks good on YOU.
why chase the game when the bullet can get em from here?....
Got Balistics?
"If I had a dog that looked like you, I'd shave his a** and teach him to walk backwards"
"The t**d doesn't fall far from the a**hole"
KC
[:D]