Do you know any One Liners...

turbo · December 2001

Here are a couple:"L. Ron Hubbard?" I've been reading "Old Mother Hubbard""When you run with wolves, you step in wolf doo-doo"One more,"Sure I entered, but I didn't break anything"

alledan · December 2001

Really officer! I am not drunk!I found it in the street!I thought you said you were on the pill!

DaRoosta · December 2001

"Do you want to dance?"..."No...I said you look fat in those pants."

218Beekeep · December 2001

Hey dano,"The family that I victimized three times, forgave me"

gruntled · December 2001

True story from a case I was on the jury on.The arresting officer found the burglar's gun in the bushes. He admitted it was his gun but he said he put it there BEFORE he started breaking into the car so that if the owner showed up he would not have to shoot him. The lawyer claimed this meant it was not an armed burglary. He also claimed the man was trying to steal the T-top from the car because his had been stolen & he needed it to go look for a job. This same lawyer approached one of the alternates while we were deliberating & insisted on trying to ask what he thought about the case. (Didn't help when the old lady across the street that called the cops testifiedshe saw him throw the gun in the bushes when he saw the cops coming.) The hardest part to believe is how long it took us toconvict him. (Most of two days.)

COWBOYKIDD · December 2001

I have heard alot of them but not all/I think I have the flu. My response.. but you seemed alright yesterday. yeah it started when I got home. I wont be able to make it to work today because my cat didnt come home.. No comment Wait he didnt say his guns were dirty lol sorry Mudge I have to go to court.. my response. when were you notified. answer:My dog tucked it in my slippers

Politicians Love Gun Control / China Has Gun Control

timberbeast · December 2001

"Ala ennen vanhaa tapaa moiti kuin uudet tavat tunnet"translation: Do not belittle the old ways until you know the new.

will270win · December 2001

"If" worms carried guns, birds would starve.I don't like all them what if's I hear all the time, so I usually pop off with something like that.

Eat healthy, exercise, avoid smoking........Die anyway. will270win@aol.com ~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~

beachmaster73 · December 2001

Timberbeast...Is that Finnish? Beach

ndbilly · December 2001

"The only difference between fairy tales and war stories is that all fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon a Time' and all war stories begin with 'Now, this is no s**t'".

Otoman · December 2001

"Man that gal is so ugly she has to sneak up on a Glass to get a drink of Water" BO DIDDLEY Circa 1960's

KIMBER: Pistol du jour

SXSMAN · December 2001

Shoe bomb suspect Richard Reid is being held without bail because he is considered a "FLIGHT" risk!

will270win · December 2001

How 'bout some famous last words, such as:Custer-"Where'd all these damn indians come from?"Mayor of Hiroshima-"What the hell was that?"Alot of dead good ol' boys-"Hey, ya'll watch this."...........and coming to CNN real soon.......Bin laden-"Naw, they won't ever find me here."

Eat healthy, exercise, avoid smoking........Die anyway. will270win@aol.com ~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~

WEASEL-88 · December 2001

But Officer I only had two beers!Just once would you like to here someone say, yea I've had 15 long necks and 5 shots.

Varmintmist · December 2001

"People who see a lot of gray areas, are usually lost in a fog" --- me, to lib bout 15 years ago"Dont worry, Im not ovulating honey" ---wife, about 9 months before baby girl

Matt45 · December 2001

To the whining bail jumper-"Don't worry, those handcuffs will stretch after a while"To the intoxicated driver-"Now exactly how big were those two beers?"To the LEO who just pulled you over, administered a field sobriety test and you got stuck on "I"- "Pat? Can I have a vowel?"To whatever Joey Scuzzball who is under the influence-"OK, answer quick, Mickey Mouse. Cat or dog?"To the suspect you've just patted down, and found an "eight" of coke. "So, who's pants ARE you wearing?"To the wife beater you've just hosed down with OC-10 (Mace) Just whisper in his ear-"If we wait long enough, your eyes will melt out of your head"And my favorite, to the LEO who just pulled me over last Fri night for a traffic violation-"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" "Failure to stop at a stop sign, Excessive display of speed, Failure to use turn signals and Suspicion of driving under the influence?""Uhhh, yeah, that'd be it....."(BTW, I was driving like a *, but was not under the influence in any way shape or form)

Reserving my Right to Arm Bears!!!![This message has been edited by Matt45 (edited 12-29-2001).][This message has been edited by Matt45 (edited 01-02-2002).]

ATF · December 2001

If a worm wants to relax,does he go fishin ?

ATF

ATF · December 2001

If a worm wants to relax,does he go fishin ?

ATF

sig-man · December 2001

That went over like a fart in church...Sorry Nunn.

will270win · December 2001

Alright, I love this one and most of the cops get a kick out of it:Cop pull ya over and asks, "you drinking?"If'n they ask me like that, and they do in the south more times than not, I reply, "Depends, you buying?"

Eat healthy, exercise, avoid smoking........Die anyway. will270win@aol.com ~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~

guns-n-painthorses · December 2001

She is so ugly, she would make a train turn down a dirt road.What's good for the goose IS the gander.It's not loaded.....The outside of a horse is good for the inside of a man.

timberbeast · December 2001

"Joka ei tiia mitaan ei epaile mitaan"Those who know nothing doubt nothing.Yes, Beach, it's Finn. Just don't know how to make those little signs over the letters!Officer: "May I see your license, sir?"Driver" "Sure, hold my beer for a second."Oops.

nunn · December 2001

"I shot a lion in my pajamas last night. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.""I'm fighting to defend your honor, which is more than you ever did."

Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord!

7mm_ultra_mag_is_king · December 2001

California DOT cop(revenue ranger) " do you know that you averaged 85 mph, drove way over ten hours and have not done your log book in three days? How did you get here? Me, tired cranky trucker" How else do you think I got here? I drove" Once they preach you are already screwed so it dont matter what you say to them

when all else fails........................

nunn · December 2001

If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his butt hoppin.Ugly enough to run a haint up a thornbush.(A haint is a ghost or other booger)She was so skinny, she had to run around in the shower to get wet.Snowed hub deep to a Ferris wheel.Wish in one hand and **** in the other and see which one fills up faster.

Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord!

ndbilly · December 2001

My life has been reduced to watching re-runs of "The Beverly Hillbillies". Jed Clampett on Cousin Pearl:"That's our Pearl. Too poor to paint and too proud to whitewash."

RUGERNUT3 · December 2001

My daughter soon to be 21 has heard this "preached" to her since she was prob. 7-8yrs. old. She heard it TOO many times thru those tiresome teenage years, thank god those are gone. It's one of my favorites......."BREAK YOUR LEG ON PURPOSE,OR BY ACCIDENT,BOTTOM LINE..YOUR LEG IS STILL BROKE". This line I have overheard her telling to others!Here is on that I had told her, mostly for a joke when she was prob. about 10, it came back to haunt me, her and I laugh about it now. I told her a couple of times whenever she would bring up something about boys. Pretty much a lighthearted way/attempt of breaking the ice before that god awful talk you have to have with your kids about sex. I did the right thing, took the mans way out and for the most part left it to my wife! I told her " ALWAYS KEEP YOUR LEGS CROSSED AND YOUR MIND ON JESUS", sounded good to me.......well seems some teacher at school asked the question to the class if any of the parents had ever tried to talk to them about sex education, uh...oh.She raised her hand, and yes..she told the teacher " MY DAD TOLD ME TO KEEP MY LEGS CROSSED AND MY MIND ON JESUS"! True story, neither her nor I will forget that one......

"ANY" EXCUSE IS A GOOD REASON TO BUY "JUST 1 MORE".& VICIE-VERSIE!

concealedG36 · December 2001

I ask you what time it is and you tell me how to build a clock!(The response my grandfather used to give me whenever I exceeded the two-word limit to answers to his questions)

Gun Control Disarms Victims, NOT Criminals

barto · December 2001

i WORK for that clock designer. barto

REBJr · December 2001

"Grinnin' like a possum eatin' *" - Ralph

Nothing very, very good or very, very bad lasts for very, very long.

simonbs · December 2001

DaRoosta,"Don't get mad, baby, I said PHAT, Pretty Hot And Tempting."

dheffley · December 2001

Don't let the door hit ya' where the Lord split ya'.

Save, research, then buy the best.Join the NRA, NOW!Teach them young, teach them safe, teach them forever, but most of all, teach them to VOTE!

218Beekeep · December 2001

Me,at 10 years old:"That makes my skin crawl!"My dad:"Yeah...?...Hows`it smell when`ya * crawls accrossed ya nose?.218

will270win · December 2001

Here's one. "you are so dumb, your hair hurts."

Eat healthy, exercise, avoid smoking........Die anyway. will270win@aol.com ~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~

royc38 · January 2002

Heres one: He is so lazy he dates pregnant women.

badboybob · January 2002

He's so slow if he fell out of a tree it would take him an hour to hit the ground.

wundudnee · January 2002

He's so slow it takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.

218Beekeep · January 2002

Ya mama`s so fat:When she laid down on the beach,little kids was sayin` "FREE WILLY..FREE WILLY!!

pops401 · January 2002

What happens if you get scared half to death..twice?

pops401 · January 2002

What happens if you get scared half to death..twice?

7mm_ultra_mag_is_king · January 2002

my first attempt with a girl, she speaks "your so ugly it looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every limb on the way down" favorite trucker one liner--" ### girls need lovin too!"

when all else fails........................[This message has been edited by 7mm_ultra_mag_is_king (edited 01-01-2002).]

Do you know any One Liners...

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